Through a glass, darkly - Part Two
by ddraigcoch123
Summary: Character/relationship driven, dark and edgy retelling of the Mass Effect trilogy. Original characters and pairings, political intrigue, original storylines and completely different ending to the final confrontation with the Reapers. Storyline that take some chars to Andromeda. Dark themes, sexual content and violence as our lovers fight to save the Galaxy one last time.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: This is the sequel to Through a glass, darkly (part one) but for those of you new to this retelling of the Mass Effect trilogy and a little daunted by the over seventy chapters in part one I am preparing a synopsis of the 'story so far' which will be available on my website www ddraigcoch dot cymru shortly.**

 **My other suggestion is that you can get up to speed by reading from around chapter 62 which will give you a good handle on who everyone is and what our key storylines are.**

 **Prologue**

 _ **Shepard and Liara**_ _ **'s apartment, Nos Astra, Illium**_

Liara walked back from the kitchen into the large living room tea in one hand and a datapad in the other.

"Nos Astra does not really provide much entertainment for children," she said looking over at Jamie.

He was sitting on the floor playing a game with baby John who was giggling at the faces the young man was making.

Before she could move to join them she saw movement on the stairs that led down from the roof and began walking in that direction expecting to see one of her estate commando guards.

Liara stopped dead in her tracks as Shiala came into view and said quickly, "Lady Liara you are in great danger."

"How did you know I was here and where are Tetra and Manvee," Liara moved to block Shiala's path further into the apartment and sensed Jamie moving behind her.

"They are preparing your shuttle, Aethyta sent me," Shiala sounded almost breathless, "our communications are compromised that's why I was sent in person."

"This is most unusual Shiala… I am going to call…" but before Liara could continue Shiala cut across her.

"There is no time Lady Liara its Cerberus they are almost here, please sound the silent alarm so that Commander Shepard will be alerted. You must come with. We are to take the shuttle to the docks where we will wait for the Normandy."

Liara hit the silent alarm on her omnitool and turned to Jamie who was holding John in his arms.

It was so quick she almost didn't register the press of something against her neck then the whoosh as vapour was injected through her skin.

The room spun and she staggered but someone put an arm out to steady her. Liara felt intense cold around her neck and she tried to bring Jamie's face into focus.

The edges of her vision darkened, "what have you done," Liara managed to say.

"There, there, all will be well Lady Liara. We will be away from here soon, just relax it is only a sedative," Shiala's voice came from a long way away.

There was more noise, heavy boots on the stairs, and she heard a human voice. Liara tried to clear the buzzing in her head and forced herself to stay on her feet.

As the room started to come back into focus her blood chilled as the unmistakable figure of Kai Leng walked down the stairs behind five heavily armed humans.

"Let's get on with this we need to move," his voice was hard and Liara tried to summon her biotics but everything felt wrong in her body and pain burned in her mind.

One of the Humans went to the front door of the apartment and let in two others.

"Is it done," Leng asked them.

"Yes its linked to your omnitool for when you need it."

"Take the child," Leng said to one of his team.

"Do not touch him or I will…" Liara said watching as Jamie tried to shield John with his body.

Kai Leng walked over to Jamie but looked back at Liara, "you'll what Asari," the hate in his voice cut through Liara's wooziness, "you are nothing without your biotics."

Again confusion and another pulse of dizziness overtook her as she tried to summon her biotics. She swayed and all she could do was watch her son being ripped from the arms of a protesting Jamie.

"Say hello to Shepard and that other Asari bitch for me," Leng said as in one fluid movement he pulled out a sword and plunged it into the young humans chest.

Liara screamed out and watched Jamie fall to his knees and then to the floor. She watched in an agony of grief as the pool of blood spread out around his body.

"Watch your mouth human I still have my biotics and I could kill you all without losing my breath," Shiala's voice brought Liara back to what was happening.

"Shiala stop them."

Liara felt herself being grabbed by her arms and turned towards the stairs and she started to fight but she was weak and dizzy and something was very, very wrong with her body.

By the time she had been half dragged onto the roof she could feel herself slipping away and her last conscious moments were filled with the crying of her son and the sight of the dead bodies of her commando's on the roof.

She struggled one last time, felt another whoosh of drugs being injected into her neck and fell into darkness.

* * *

 _ **Captain**_ _ **'s cabin, Normandy, en route Vancouver, Earth - two months and two weeks after the bombing on Illium**_

The beep of her personal alarm brought Shepard back from the shallow sleep she had fallen into. Taking a moment to brace herself she threw back the covers and reached for the hypospray on the shelf next to the bed.

Shepard had to sleep, or what passed for it since the explosion, sitting up as anything else would bring on a painful coughing fit. Pressing the pump to her neck she heard and felt the whoosh of drugs entering her system.

They took the edge off and that was all.

She hadn't wanted to use her cabin with all its reminders of Liara but the ready room bunk left her too exposed and it was impracticable as Doctor Chakwas had robustly pointed out.

Once showered she went to the drink dispenser, "coffee, black, colony blend, large," toweling herself dry as the machine prepared her drink she stopped her mind from wandering to painful memories.

The mere act of getting up and showering exhausted her and she hated it. Hated having to sit down while she dug deep for more strength, hated that she was losing muscle, hated that she was steadily getting worse.

In her mind Shepard could hear Miranda's voice telling her exactly how long she could push her body in its current state before it began to fail and what the consequences would be.

But Shepard had no time to waste with operations. She had to find Liara and destroy Cerberus in the process.

The moment Arcturus was stable and Anderson in place as Fleet Admiral and the President safe on Earth, she had headed out to hunt down Harper and his organisation.

Shepard had no proof Liara was alive, in fact almost everyone believed her bondmate had died in the bombing. But her belief that there was a chance Liara was alive was the only thing that kept Shepard standing up.

And she also had a promise to keep, _"_ _… Shepard whatever happens to me, the Normandy, to anyone else on your crew or all of it… as long as you draw breath you will carry on and you will complete your mission."_

Liara's voice, as clear as if she were in the room, almost broke through the wall Shepard had put up inside to keep all her feelings at bay.

The only emotion's Shepard allowed herself was hate and rage.

A few minutes later she was pulling on her jacket when the door buzzed.

"Come in," the rasping, gruff tone had faded from her voice but Shepard could still only speak is a loud, husky whisper.

"Morning boss," Tash was holding a couple of data pads but Shepard knew that was not the reason her cousin was there.

Shepard put the half-finished coffee down on her desk and turned to face her executive officer.

"How long till we get to Vancouver," Shepard adjusted the black patch over her eye and pulled the peak of her baseball cap low.

"Just under an hour. I wish you'd change your mind about coming to Thessia," Tash said as they made to leave the room together, "you could get some…"

"What, Tash, what could I possibly get on Thessia," Shepard stopped and looked at her cousin as she hit the button in the lift for the CIC, "peace… answers."

Before Tash could think of a response Shepard said quietly, "she is my light and without her I'm lost in the dark."

The lift arrived at the command deck and Tash followed her commanding officer with a heavy heart.

 _ **Skorsgaard home, Vancouver Island, Earth - a few hours after the Normandy docked in Vancouver**_

Shepard stood in front of the log fire that was spitting and crackling in the open hearth. She stared into its red hot heart letting her mind rest on the dancing flames.

"Lydia come and sit by me," her grandmother had brought hot drinks from the kitchen and after placing them down sat on one of the large sofa's.

As soon as Shepard sat she was pulled into a hug, "now let go Lyddie… let it out."

Shepard turned her face into the comforting shoulder and hugged her grandmother an ex Alliance Navy Admiral just like her mother, "thank you mormor," Shepard managed before the tears started to fall.

Her mother, her loving, brave, strong mother was gone.

A few hours later Shepard was staring out at the garden heavily covered by the soft snow falling in a fluffy curtain.

She had stayed in her grandmothers arms for a long time huge silent sobs racking her body. At some point Shepard was aware of her grandfather joining them sitting in his armchair silently sharing his grief at the loss of his beloved daughter.

Shepard's thoughts turned to the vids she had watched of her mother and Liara at Shepard's memorial service, the quiet dignity and strength of her mother.

"I need your strength now mum," she said quietly to the snow still silently falling onto a pristine carpet of white.

"She'll be with you tomorrow and every day after that. You'll always be able to draw on her strength and her love," Shepard's grandfathers voice made her turn to face him.

"Sorry pop I didn't hear you come in," she looked at him properly for the first time as he stood in front of her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

He looked as tired as Shepard felt and sadder than she could ever remember seeing him look before.

"You just make sure you get them, every last one of those bastards," his eyes blazed and his jaw was set in a hard line.

"Every last one of them pop and then I'll end Harper with my own hands," Shepard said locking eyes with the old soldier.

 _ **Normandy, berthed Alliance docks, Vancouver**_

Tash nodded hello to crew members as she walked to the crew deck and then the galley. She grabbed the breakfast special and a drink and made her way to join Garrus and Malenia at one of the tables.

"Did she get away ok last night," Garrus asked pushing food around his plate.

Tash nodded, "yeah her Grandfather picked her up from the dock."

Malenia leaned forward a little, "are all Shepard's family ex Alliance Navy?"

"Pretty much all of them have served at least for a while… but yeah it's in the blood on both sides of her family," Tash tried eating but she had no real appetite.

"So it will be a big military funeral," Malenia said quietly.

Tash took a deep breath, "all the top brass will be there including the President and of course the crew from…" she faltered as thoughts of Hannah Shepard flooded her mind and she could feel the heat of tears behind her eyes.

Picking up her tray and standing she said, "I'd best… lots to do before we leave."

Dumping her tray in the reprocesser Tash headed for the ready room on the command deck where she would have some privacy for her grief.

Four hours later the Normandy crew were all at parade rest in the docking bay wearing their naval dress uniforms, while Tash and her marines were resplendent in their dress blues.

Tash called the parade to attention and marched them to the troop transport waiting to take them to the Alliance Navy Military Cemetery.

It was a quiet trip that they shared with crew from Admiral Shepard's last two postings.

Captain Natasha Mikhailovich felt very, very alone and homesick for a young Asari who gave her the closest feeling to belonging that she had ever had.

 _ **Shepard, Alliance Navy Cemetery Vancouver, Vancouver, Earth**_

It was cold, biting cold. Shepard knew Vancouver winters from when she would visit her grandparents for holidays and also the times she had to stay at the Naval school when her parents were on a posting that were not suitable for children.

She checked her appearance in the mirror. It was important she looked her best. Brushing a fleck of dust from the shoulder of her dress uniform, her fingers traced the line of the gold braid marking her rank as Commander.

A flash of memory felt like a punch to the chest. Her mother standing so proud, in her dress uniform, at Shepard's public bonding ceremony and performing the Human marriage custom.

Shepard felt the tears burn in her eyes but they didn't fall, "I miss you both so much…" as unbidden images of her mother and father in happier times pushed their way into her thoughts.

She picked up her peaked dress cap and heavy overcoat pushing her emotions down. Shepard knew she didn't have the strength to keep herself together if she truly let go.

Two hours later she stood with her Grandparents in the Military Cemetery watching the honour guard precede her mother's coffin towards her final resting place.

There were hundreds of mourners and even those who were attending out of duty had known Hannah Shepard, had served with her, admired her service record, and they all came to pay their respects.

This was also the first official engagement of the newly returned to duty Fleet Admiral and Hackett was standing on the other side of Shepard's Grandfather.

Shepard watched as her cousin led the honour guard with marines from the Normandy and noted that her mother's coffin was being carried by eight Admirals including Anderson.

The music from the bands resonated through her body but it was as if Shepard was watching it all play out like some old vid. Snow was falling covering hats, heads and shoulders in a fresh dusting of white as if someone was determined to make the scene as atmospheric as possible.

Shepard felt as if she was a mere bystander in her own bubble of time viewing what was going on around her, past her, through her.

The casket covered with the Alliance Navy flag came to a rest. Her mother would be buried next to the empty grave of her father. Military personnel were buried where they died on far distant worlds or into the vacuum of space. But there was a headstone for each and every one of them in this Cemetery.

' _No headstone for me… no one left to bury the dead the Reapers don't take for their own sick purposes,'_ Shepard pulled herself back from ever darkening thoughts.

Hackett was speaking but it was washing over her. Words punctuated the falling snow, duty, honour, service, courage and kindness. Yes her mother was as kind as she was tough, _'that was good of him to notice'._

Admiral Shandall was speaking now. She had been in training with Hannah Shepard and they had remained friends to this day, _'can you still be friends with someone who's dead'_.

Shepard's Grandmother was the last to speak. It really should have been Shepard but she had finally managed to convince the retired Admiral that she just couldn't do her mother justice in her present state.

The honour guard was folding the flag and Shepard braced herself for what would come next.

As Tash marched towards Shepard with the folded flag carried lovingly in her outstretched hands the two locked eyes, _'she looks how I should be feeling,'_ Shepard thought as she accepted the flag with a small nod of the head.

The bark of rifles marking the end of the formal ceremony took her back to the docking bay where she watched her father's half-brother executed on her orders.

Shepard pushed it down, and the memories of watching her mother and Liara at her own funeral, she pushed those down too and encased them all in a cold anger.

The cold was biting at her face but her core was a molten hot river of hate driving her forward to seek and destroy all those aligning themselves with Cerberus and the Reapers.

Her grief, her compassion, her kindness or any other emotion that would get in the way of her mission she had put behind an inner wall of ice. And behind that wall Shepard's heart was broken, her soul was adrift and she was lost in the darkness.

 _ **Unknown remote mountain location, two months and two weeks after the bombing on Illium**_

Liara wrapped the thick coat tightly around her and pulled its hood up before stepping out onto the platform where Shiala's shuttle usually sat.

Even with the coat's heating system the cold bit at her legs and hands. Under different circumstances the view before her would be breath-taking.

The small landing pad, which also gave access to the facility where Liara had found herself on waking from her sedation, sat in a small cavern that had been carved out of the face of a mountain. Through the wide opening, as far as her eyes could see, were other icy mountain tops and long snow covered ridges.

She breathed in the fresh mountain air and not for the first time wondered which planet she was on.

The complex, where she had been since her kidnap from Illium, looked as if it had once been some kind of research station. The remains of very old Asari science equipment was scattered around and most of it no longer worked.

Liara could get air by going out onto the side of the mountain itself through the other end of the complex but she preferred it here. There was at least a choice here. She could jump off the platform and end the hell she was trapped in or carry on and wait for Shiala to slip up just once. Once was all she needed.

Shiala had obviously been planning Liara's abduction for some time. The base had new environmental systems. It was well stocked and had working food and drink dispensers and a kitchen.

What it was lacking was any form of communication equipment. And despite having an entrance opening onto the side of the mountain it was so high up and treacherous that she would freeze to death within an hour if she attempted to leave using that route.

Liara was completely trapped.

A shiver ran down Liara's spine as she thought about the first time she saw the clothing Shiala had provided for her. Matriarchs dresses, some almost copies of those her mother had worn, and revealing sexualised clothes that Liara had never and would never wear.

Out here on the platform, when Shiala was away collecting supplies, was the only time Liara could allow herself freedom to think. To go over everything that had happened in the hope she could find something, anything to use against her jailer.

She tried to think about her first month of hell without any emotional reaction, it was vital for the game she was playing. That first month grief stricken, Liara vacillated from crying her heart out to raging at Shiala, attacking with her fists and refusing to eat.

Again, Liara called to mind one of the most chilling things Shiala had said to her towards the end of that first month, _"perhaps Shepard's daughter is poisoning you Lady Liara, it might be better if we didn't wait for you to give birth"._

When Liara had challenged her about what would happen to her child Shiala had merely brushed off the question as if the answer was obvious, _"we can't have an interloper in our home, when we are bonded we will have daughters of our own who will carry on the pure T'Soni line"._

Tears rolled down Liara's cheeks and she felt them almost freezing on her face. She had no idea if Shepard was dead and no idea what Cerberus was doing with her son. It had been almost three months and no one had found her. In less than three months she would give birth and if her plan didn't work she would lose her daughter as well.

Liara knew that was something she would not survive. If she had not escaped this mad woman and this prison by the time she was ready to give birth she would make the only choice she had.

' _I have already failed my promise to you my love, I cannot take our children to safety away from the Reapers'_ , the thought of failing her bondmate cut her as keenly as the ice laden mountain air.

"You took my son and possibly my bondmate Shiala but you will not take my daughter and you will not have me…" Liara looked over the edge where a jagged ridge was just visible through the clouds and knew she had the strength to do the unthinkable if she had no alternative.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N - this chapter contains explicit sexual content but then you knew we'd get there at some point :)**_

 _ **En-route T**_ _ **'Soni Estate, Thessia**_

Tash left for Thessia almost immediately after the Memorial service quickly squaring away her duties on the Normandy.

Most of the crew were taking leave on Earth and the Normandy was having major upgrades to its hull as well as some routine maintenance. Joker was, of course, staying on board to oversee the work.

Looking out the window of the shuttle she cast her mind back to a conversation that took place with Miranda a few days before they had arrived in Vancouver. The vid call had not lasted long but had left her with some real concerns and unanswered questions.

" _So were you able to help,"_ Tash had gotten straight to the point as her relationship with Miranda was still a little strained as they had originally both been in the Illusive man's employ and Tash had been sent by him to ensure Miranda's loyalty.

Although Tash had been undercover for the Alliance Intelligence Services that hadn't stopped her from threatening Miranda but she had also tried to warn her of the danger she, and her sister, were in.

" _Yes, but her healers were not happy about me being called in for a consultation."_

" _And?" Tash prompted unable to hide her irritation._

" _I had a long talk with Liselle and she decided on a treatment plan using my very experimental nanites."_

" _What the fuck does that mean Miranda… could you pull off one of your miracles or not?" Tash didn't mean to sound annoyed but she had suggested calling in Miranda to Liselle and as such felt completely responsible for whatever treatment had come from the consultation._

" _It means you need to talk to Liselle yourself. And I don't perform miracles Tash there are limits to what science can do. In answer to your question yes, against my better judgment, I carried out the treatment and it has made a considerable difference… but everything comes at a cost."_

 _Tash narrowed her eyes and was about to launch into a questioning tirade but Miranda cut her off,_ _"I have a transport to catch. I'll see you when I try to pin Shepard down for another treatment."_

The shuttle was making its final approach to the estate's landing area and Tash took a deep breath. She had missed Liselle so much the last few months and their contact had been sporadic because of the Normandy's missions and Liselle's treatments.

But she had almost a week to spend with the young Asari she loved deeply and they had a lot to talk about.

As soon as she felt the shuttle settle on the landing pad Tash grabbed her bag and headed for the exit. The doors opened flooding the shuttle with bright sunlight, stepping out she hit a wall of hot balmy air.

Her uniform was winter dress given she had come from Vancouver. It felt heavy and far too thick for the weather. Undoing a couple of buttons as she walked quickly to the front steps of the T'Soni private residence the sweat was already gathering under her cap and on her forehead.

Moving from the bright sunshine into the darker and cooler hall it took a few moments for Tash's eyes to adjust but when they did what she saw melted her heart and brought a huge grin to her face.

Liselle was standing at the bottom of the wide staircase, leaning on a walking stick, with a smile that for Tash was brighter and more warming than the sun.

Dropping her bag Tash closed the distance between them and walked into Liselle's open arm and held her lover in a tight embrace.

"Welcome home," Liselle whispered in Tash's ear.

Tash took a deep breath and inhaled the familiar scent, "I've missed you so much Leece," pulling her head back so she could look into her lover's face she continued, "you're up and standing… walking… should you be?"

Liselle leaned in and kissed the worried looking human gently at first but as desire tore through their bodies the kiss deepened. When they broke apart they were both a little breathless.

"Let's go up to my room we have a lot of catching up to do Mikhailovich," Liselle's voice was soft and husky with desire.

Tash smiled but thought she heard a faint edge of something unfamiliar in Liselle's voice.

Liselle leaned on Tash's arm going up the stairs and at the top continued along the guest wing corridor stopping at the first door. Walking into the which was airy and bright, a huge change to the medbay Liselle was in when Tash left.

Tash pushed the door shut with her foot and joined Liselle by the bed. They stood facing each other for a few moments before Liselle dipped her head and said very quietly, "I have no idea how to do this."

"How about we just lie down so I can hold you," as she spoke Tash reached out for one of Liselle's hands and gently pulled her onto the bed.

They lay on the bed facing each other and Tash kissed one of the hands she was holding as she looked into troubled blue eyes trying to work out what was going on for her usually very direct and confident Asari while stroking one of her girlfriends' cheeks with the back of her fingers.

Liselle tightened her grip on Tash's hip and leaned in for a kiss that was light and soft, almost tenuous and when they parted Tash said softly, "Leece, I have no idea how hard this is for you but it's us… you and me… we'll work it out together… talk to me babe."

"It feels so different Tasha," pausing and biting her bottom lip Liselle's voice held pain and uncertainty that cut Tash like a knife, "I… I don't know how to move past not being able to join with you. What if it doesn't work anymore? I mean what if you… it's not the same anymore."

Tash now realised the edge she had heard in her lover's voice earlier and again now was fear and uncertainty.

Tash weighed her words carefully and trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible while a storm of fear started to rise in the pit of her stomach, "you know how I feel about you Leece, but… if you need to be with another Asari… I just want you to be happy and…"

Liselle put her fingers to Tash's lips to stop her speaking as she said, "no you idiot I want you, need you, I just don't know how to do this… you know what it was like when we joined. I could feel you as an echo in my body so I knew where you needed me to touch you. We shared thoughts; understood each other without words."

Tash held Liselle's hand and kissed the inside of her lovers' wrist saying gently, "same for me babe, I could feel you, always knew how you needed me to love you."

"Then when we got closer we shared our emotions as well as our physical connection, the deepest connection…" Liselle seemed to be trail off, "we won't have that again Tasha, I feel so separate from you right now and I hate it."

"Do you feel separate from me all the time?"

"No," Liselle said with a smile and ran her fingers through Tash's hair.

Tash pushed away her own insecurity about making love with Liselle without the meld to guide her and pulled her lover close so that their bodies were touching and with a smile on her lips began to kiss Liselle.

Slowly, tenderly, feeling Liselle's soft full lips on her own and was rewarded with a moan of pleasure from her lover. She explored Liselle's mouth and when their tongues found each other Tash felt a flash of desire rip through her body.

She began to explore the folds of sensitive flesh on the back of Liselle's neck with her left hand and felt her lovers' hips push forward as another moan of pleasure escaped Liselle as Tash deepened her kisses.

Tash unlaced the leather top expertly and pushed it apart and gave her own moans of pleasure as she cupped the heaving breasts feeling Liselle's hard nipples against the palm of her hand.

She shifted her weight and pushed Liselle onto her back moving between her lovers' thighs begin to grind her sex against Tash. Feeling the wetness from her lover's core even through her trousers Tash felt another pulse of desire and the need to fuck Liselle hard, to be inside Liselle was all that filled her mind.

Their breath became ragged and Tash felt her clit throb, the tension building in her core. Tash traced kisses down her lovers face and her neck drawing moans from Liselle as her hips moved more and more quickly against Tash.

"You make me so hard," Tash said breathlessly as she cupped a soft breast and took the hard nipple into her mouth nipping and biting gently.

"Oh shit… Tasha… I'm so wet… need you… touch me," Liselle her breath catching in her chest as Tash worked her sensitive folds and Liselle's nipple at the same time.

Tash pulled back a little so she could see Liselle's face, "tell me… tell me what you want Leece."

Liselle's face was flushed, she was writhing underneath Tash, moans escaping her with everything thrust, her eyes were hooded with lust, "fuck me Tasha… need you to fuck me… goddess I'm on fire..."

Tash moved her hand between them and undid Liselle's leather trousers, making sure to keep eye contact, Tash pulled off the trousers making sure to take Liselle's panties with them and when Liselle was naked Tash let her eyes take in the sight of her swollen and very wet lover a long low moan, almost a growl, escaping the human as she did.

Tash fought the desire to take her lover with her mouth, instead she quickly pulled her own trousers off and laid back in between Liselle's legs drawing a moan from them both as they made contact heat to heat.

Liselle raised her knees and encouraged Tash's thrusts with her hands on her lovers' tight butt and they fell into a rhythm as they once again kissed deeply exploring every part of the wet warmth of their mouths with their tongues.

Tash worked Liselle's nipples knowing how sensitive they were. Breaking apart for air, she once again held Liselle's eyes, "look at me Leece… fuck you're turning me on so much… so wet and hard… I need to come Leece, you're gonna make me come…"

Liselle's breath caught in her throat and she moaned as she thrust even harder into Tash, "touch me Tasha, I need you… going to explode… need to come with you…"

It was a new experience for them to watch each other, hold each other's gaze. When Liselle had joined with Tash the meld took them to a different, internal space, but of course making love without a sexual meld wasn't new to Tash and she drew on all her experience to keep drawing Liselle in.

Tash felt the throbbing in her core and knew she wasn't far away from orgasm and knew Liselle was in the same place so she moved a hand once again between them, down over the muscled abdomen, further down edging the pulsing heat of her lover and began tracing her fingers down and then up the inside of Liselle's thigh pulling gasps from her lover.

"Mmm, yes… need you… fuck Tasha I'm so close…"

"You're so hot and wet… you're gonna come for me Leece," Tash said gruffly now losing control and running her fingers closer and closer to the hard, sensitive bud that was pulsing with need and as hard as her own.

"Oooh… fuck Tasha… need to come…" Liselle said her breath catching in her chest.

Tash felt the last of her control rip away on another surge of desire and her own throbbing need and moved her fingers to Liselle's clit and began to massage in wide circles.

"Oh yeah… yeah… there… don't stop…"

"Shit you're so ready…"

"Mmm… oooh…" Liselle's was panting with desire and pushed her hips forward to meet Tash's fingers.

Tash knew they were close to climax, "look at me babe… you're gonna make me come."

They locked eyes as Tash moved her fingers faster and faster, harder and harder taking in the soft folds of Liselle's core as she continued to stroke the length of her lovers' clit.

"Oh yeah… going to come… making me…" Liselle's body went rigid and Tash watched her eyes roll up as she let out a loud moan that was almost a shout and she felt the clit under fingers twitch and pulse.

"Fuck yeah…" Tash managed to say as she too followed Liselle into orgasm.

But before Liselle had finished riding out the spasms of her orgasm Tash pushed her fingers into Liselle's core and began pumping in and out using her hips to give her fingers extra thrust.

Liselle shouted loudly a mixture of surprise and pleasure and moved her hips to meet Tash's fingers as she wrapped her legs around her lovers' strong thighs, raking her nails up and down Tash's back.

"Come for me Leece…"

"Mmm…" Liselle moaned and then locking eyes with Tash said, "come inside me… come with me."

Tash lost all that remained of her self-control and felt her clit explode for the second time, her legs going rigid as her muscles tensed, the release burning through her on a tide of pleasure.

A moment later she felt Liselle tighten around her fingers and the burst of wetness that accompanied her lovers' orgasm pushing past her fingers in sweet release.

Tash rested her head in the warmth of Liselle's neck and as their breath steadied she heard Liselle take a deep breath and let it out almost in a sigh.

Raising her head so she could watch Liselle's face she said with a huge grin, "well I don't know about you but I think we managed that ok."

Liselle moved a hand to cover the one Tash still had inside her and arched her brows, "ok… just ok," then with a smile, "thank you for reminding me how good at this we are."

Tash leaned in and kissed Liselle tenderly, "all the stuff we kinda just thought at each other through the meld we just need to remember to say out loud… I mean I know that's not the only difference," she saw Liselle's face look worried and carried on quickly, "but I feel just as close to you Leece… I love you… hell you could make me come with just a look and some dirty talk half the time."

Liselle laughed and Tash felt as if she could truly relax for the first time since Omega.

In a swift and expert movement Liselle flipped Tash over onto her back and straddled her lover. With a huge smile she said, "So Mikhailovich my turn and I am so going to make you beg for me to let you come."

Tash's breath caught in her chest and a lazy smile settled on her face, "bring it on T'Loak."

As they made love and explored each other they found a new connection, a new sense of being one without the meld.

Only when their longing and desire was sated did they fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms and a peace that was familiar and very welcome.

* * *

Tash stirred feeling the weight of a leg across her thighs and a familiar head tucked into her neck. She sighed deeply and let a wide smile settle on her face.

Breathing in her lovers scent she kissed the still sleeping Liselle on the head and gently moved to the side of the bed. Once standing up she took a moment to drink in the sight of her naked lover. Her smile faded a little as she noticed how thin and pale Liselle was.

By her reckoning it was late afternoon so it had been about three hours since her arrival. The room was warm even with the doors to the balcony open wide but Tash pulled the light sheet over her sleeping lover anyway.

She gave Liselle a soft kiss on the cheek. Then as quietly as possible she pulled a pair of sweatpants, a vest and some shoes from her bag threw them on quickly and left the room.

Tash wanted to know how Liselle had really been and not in medical speak. She also needed to find a friend and give what comfort she could for her loss.

As Tash exited the lift in the Broker comms centre she saw Kasumi immediately working at one of the terminals.

"Hey," Tash didn't really know what to say and wasn't sure she had anything to offer as in the past it had always been Kasumi handing out the support and advice.

There had been times on the Normandy when Tash was in real danger of falling back into the worst of her self destructive behaviour and Kasumi had reached out to support and challenge her.

It was an unusual friendship; the two could not be more different, a spiritual engineer and a jaded, cynical merc but it worked.

When Kasumi looked up the hood she almost always wore in public cast a shadow over her eyes and Tash wasn't greeted with one of her friends' legendary smiles.

"Let's get some air you look as if you haven't seen sunlight in months," Tash said with a small smile.

Kasumi just nodded and they moved in silence until they were outside the house and standing in the late afternoon sun.

"I'm sorry we had to just take off and didn't get back…"

Kasumi turned to Tash and gave her a sad smile, "nonsense you have nothing to apologise for. There was really nothing you could do, we had to save Shep," she turned away and looked across at the fields beyond the gardens.

"Is there any hope that he's still alive? If Liara made it out…" Tash left her sentence hanging.

"Let's walk," was Kasumi's only reply.

As they began walking something prompted Tash to put her arm around Kasumi's shoulder who responded by leaning in.

"It's not as if I knew him… was with him all that long," Kasumi said.

"Sometimes it only takes a moment. He was a sweet kid and grew into being a kind man; we're all going to miss him."

"I sometimes forget you must have known him when you were all growing up."

"Not as much as LV knew him, but I remember a couple of times we were all back in Vancouver at school the same time and you know how that Skaarsgord clan like to hang together," Tash smiled at the memory of happy times in her otherwise bleak childhood.

They walked on in silence the sound of the gravel path crunching under their feet.

"I really believe he was my soul mate, I… I feel as if I am grieving not just for what we had but the lifetime that should have been."

Tash tightened her arm around Kasumi's shoulder for a moment and noticing a seat ahead said, "Shall we sit for a while."

Once they were sitting Tash asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Kasumi dropped her hood back onto her shoulders and looked at Tash, "only time will help dull the pain. But I have to say it is nice to meet the real Tash," she finished with a smile.

"Yeah well I don't know about that. The other one was, is, still me."

"We all have our demons, Tash, and our dark sides. How was it with Liselle?"

Tash gave her friend a broad grin, "are we back to you analysing me already Kas."

She looked out across the garden in front of them but she wasn't seeing the carefully arranged swathes of colour or smelling the delicate scents drifting on the still warm air.

Tash's thoughts were back with Liselle and their love making, "it was completely different… but the same," Tash shook her head slightly, "I know that doesn't make any sense. For me it was like going back to how it used to work… before sleeping with Asari's."

"It will be harder for Liselle; do you know how she felt?"

Tash leaned forward and rested her arms on her knees. The bright sunlight seemed to scour the deepest corners of her mind, "no she was still asleep when I got up," looking at the ground Tash realised something; "she talked to you about this didn't she."

"It was one of the many things we have talked about yes. She loves you Tash and her fear is she won't be able to connect with you the way you need without the meld."

"How do I fix that," she sat back up and looked at Kasumi.

"Oh Tash you can't. You'll both have to remake your connection the way Liselle is remaking the connections in her brain. But you both love each other so all you need is patience and faith."

"Faith," Tash rolled the word's meaning around in her mind, "strange word to use. I don't think I have faith in anything considering all the shit that happens to good people for no fucking reason."

Kasumi reached a hand out and squeezed Tash's shoulder, "faith in each other, faith in those who love you. I am so sorry for you loss Tash, I know Hannah was like a mother to you."

Tash turned her eyes to the horizon clenching her jaw her lips set in a hard line. The tears burned behind her eyes but she fought them back, all she could do was to give a short nod of her head.

"You must allow yourself to grieve."

Tash got control of her emotions and said quietly, "I don't have any right to do that, I wasn't… you know we executed my… father," Tash spat the last word out with venom.

Kasumi nodded choosing not to challenge Tash about her right to grieve and let her talk.

"Well it's all messed up together… and then there's Leece," Tash turned to look at Kasumi her grey eyes burning and bright, "I think I fucked up sending Lawson over. What happened Kas, how has Liselle been, she still looks so thin."

"Well until Miranda arrived, about two weeks ago, Liselle was still pretty much stuck in bed and only had minimum use of her right side," Kasumi sighed, "I don't think any of her healers believe that the treatment she had was a good idea and I know Lady Nara is very concerned about the consequences."

Tash had the overwhelming urge to move, do something, run away. Then realised she wanted to hit someone, not just someone; she wanted to hurt herself for screwing up yet again.

Kasumi's laid a hand on Tash's forearm and said softly, "you know Liselle would not have survived living as she was. You have given her a great gift and it was her choice."

Tash nodded her head but still felt the weight of her guilt and her need to protect Liselle from any more harm like a cold chip of ice in her heart.

 _ **Liselle**_ _ **'s bedroom, T'Soni private residence, T'Soni estate, Thessia**_

Tash knew she would need to speak to High Priestess El'Estrene at some point as she was in charge of Liselle's healing team and therefore was overseeing her recovery. But right now she just wanted to be with the young Asari.

Balancing the tray on her arm she opened the door and quietly put it down on the long glass shelf that was beneath the vid screen on the wall opposite the bed.

She sat on the edge of the bed and stroked the familiar blue cheek with her fingers, "hey babe".

Liselle stirred and sighed as she uncurled her body rolling onto her back.

"You're up," she said sleepily, "fuck that was the best sleep I've had in a long time," she smiled up at Tash.

"You are the prettiest thing in the whole dammed universe," Tash said softly then moved to get the tray, "now sit up and have some tea and something to eat, healers orders."

"On the terrace," Liselle said as she started to get out of bed.

Once settled at the small table, tea poured and food in front of them Tash was about to broach the subject of Miranda's treatment, but Liselle spoke first.

"Will it be enough for you," Liselle was playing with the food on her plate not looking up.

"Will what… you mean… couldn't you tell," Tash said with a smile and reached across for Liselle's hand. "This is what I'm used to… no that's not… it was different of course… fuck Leece it was amazing, it always is," Tash ground to a halt and noticed a glint in Liselle's eyes. A glint she hadn't seen in what felt like a long time.

Trying to hide the smile tracing her lips Liselle said, "Goddess Tasha we have to get better at this," she took a deep breath, "I can't sense you anymore… can't share your feelings without a meld. So the same way now we have to tell each other what we need when we were having sex I need you to tell me what's going on for you."

Tash nodded and tried to work out where to start.

"You know me better than anyone Leece, I think you know me better than I do myself… with or without the meld," Tash smiled at the young Asari across the table.

"I have no idea how I feel about my fathers'… execution. I feel broken up inside about Aunt Hannah. LV is in such a dark place we're all just holding on tight and hope she finds her way out the other side," Tash took Liselle's hands in her own and leaned in, "but all of that pales into the shadows when I think about losing you and I need you to tell me what risk I've put you in sending Miranda Lawson to you."

They sat in silence for a few moments and Tash could tell Liselle was thinking as she was biting her bottom lip in a way that was so familiar to the young human it almost brought tears to her eyes.

"My recovery was going to take years, it would have been months before I'd even re-learnt enough to talk fluently or even get out of that damn bed," Liselle held Tash's eyes as she continued to speak, "Do you believe the Reapers are as big a threat as Shepard says they are… that we're facing the end of everything?"

Tash nodded slowly and waited for her lover to carry on.

"I don't have the time to recover the Asari way and there is no way I'm sitting out the fight. Do you really see me dying in a bed Tasha?"

Tash didn't know what to say and felt her jaw tighten as all she could do was to give Liselle a shake of the head.

"No, and you wouldn't either if you had an option. You gave me a gift Tasha and I know you'll blame yourself if anything goes wrong," Liselle caught the look of pain that settled on her lover's face, "you gave me my life back… twice," she finished with a smile.

Tash moved from her chair to kneel in front of the young Asari and looking up into the clear blue eyes and asked, "What's the downside Leece, I need to know."

Liselle held Tash's face in her hands and spoke quietly, "There is no way of knowing how long the nanites will keep working. Could be years or it… could be weeks."

"So if they fail do you just lose the progress?" Tash felt the breath freeze in her chest waiting for the answer.

Liselle took a steadying breath, "Miranda can't predict that as they were designed for a human brain and Asari's are a little different. But the consensus between Miranda and the healers is that… well it will be like lots of little explosions going off in my head."

The birdsong seemed to grow louder, the breeze rustling the leaves and the sound of water from one of the many fountains in the gardens filled the silence between them.

Tash collapsed into Liselle wrapping her arms around the still too thin body and pressing her head against her lovers' chest.

Resting her chin on the top of the fair head and running finger through Tash's hair Liselle looked out across at the tree line then lifted her eyes to the clear blue sky.

Liselle felt her lovers' pain almost as clearly as if she was still able to join her mind to the humans. But she knew she'd done the right thing. None of them would survive the coming invasion and she wanted to be right next to Tash when the end came.

 _ **Abandoned Asari research station, unknown location**_

Liara had been meditating for most of the day which meant Shiala had given her privacy.

She had been practising the same meditation for weeks and it was the polar opposite of anything Liara had ever been taught by any Asari priestess.

Pushing deep into the corner of her mind and soul where she had finally banished the broken and unrecognisable personality Liara had inhabited after losing Shepard she was honing an avatar of herself into which she could transform.

Liara had felt the stealth melds that Shiala practised occasionally and it had taken all the mental strength she had to block her captor from her real thoughts.

A full meld, which is what would eventually happen, would allow Shiala to see right through any kind of surface deception. And so Liara knew she had to truly transform into her former self if she was to have any chance of escaping from this torture.

Placing her palms on her now very swollen belly Liara wished she could do what all Asari mothers did and lightly join with her daughter on an emotional level. One more thing the collar blocked her from doing.

"I will do anything to get you back to safety my daughter," Liara knew that it would take damaging a piece of her mind and soul to cheat Shiala but if that's what she had to sacrifice she would.

Liara heard a light tap on the door and without waiting for a response Shiala walked in the room.

"You take too many liberties Shiala I will not tolerate such disrespect," Liara said in a hard and cold tone staring down her kidnapper.

Shiala looked both taken aback and pleased. Liara had been channelling her old self for the last two weeks and was able to stay in that place for longer and longer periods, and always when she was in Shiala's company.

"I am truly sorry Lady Liara but we may not have as much time as I had hoped," Shiala stood in the doorway but Liara could feel the other Asari's lust bleeding into the edge of an unwelcome intrusion into her mind.

Liara walked over and grabbed Shiala by the throat then kissed the matron hard their tongues meeting sending a shockwave of lust through their bodies, leaving them both breathless.

"Do you think you are the only one who has needs Shiala," Liara pushed the older Asari out of the way and left the bedroom.

Shiala followed her and before they had reached the main living space Liara found herself pinned against the wall of the corridor hands searching her body and the sensitive folds on her neck.

Liara searched deep for memories of their previous sexual encounters and let them flood her mind as Shiala, unbidden, pulled them both into a sexual meld.

Perhaps it was the isolation, the shock, the weeks and weeks of grief or the work she had done finding a way back to her former self but Liara was able to respond as she had in those dark times.

Liara could sense Shiala reaching a point of no return so blocked her mind as best she could to the meld at the same time pushing the matron hard sending her into the wall on the opposite side of the corridor.

"I am not some cheap dancer you can fuck in a corridor Shiala. I grow tired of your games," Liara walked away without a backward look.

Sitting in one of the more comfortable chairs in the large common area she watched Shiala enter the room. Her captor looked sullen but sat where Liara indicated without question.

"What exactly are we doing here Shiala? While my estate, my Republic is left leaderless? Whatever influence Shepard had over me has long since dissipated and for that I will accept and forgive your previous actions," Liara leaned forward a little and narrowed her eyes, "But to continue to keep me here any longer serves no useful purpose and makes me question your state of mind."

"But you left me to rot and bonded with that…"

Liara cut across the older Asari to try to avoid her usual deranged ranting.

"I almost died trying to rescue you."

"And then you didn't try again you… you and Shepard…"

"I had a complete breakdown after losing you to the Broker. I had to spend time at the Temple dealing with my loss and grief…"

"Yes for Shepard," Shiala jumped out of the seat her eyes wild and her face contorted by rage and grief in equal measure.

"Shiala you really do need to get control of your mind. You are of no use to me if you are still too damaged by your captivity with the Broker," Liara said dismissively and turned her attention to a data pad containing a limited library of Asari fiction.

"I'm not… then why…"

Liara snapped her attention back to Shiala. Her tone was icy, "I am not proud that because of my state of mind I fell under the influence of a human. Even though Shepard had returned I still needed to spend time at the Temple so she was obviously not the cause of my grief."

Shiala's agitation faded away and she spoke more calmly, "So she did take you from me."

"Well whatever happened it is over now and I must get back to Thessia and my duties," Liara didn't push any harder, they had had this conversation several times over the last week but each time Shiala had become too unstable to reach any conclusion.

Shiala moved quickly kneeling in front of Liara and rested her head her lap. Liara pushed the edge of disgust from her mind and gently stroked the soft folds at the back of Shiala's head.

"We should be bonded before we go back to Thessia," Shiala looked up adoringly at Liara, "we can do it here before we leave. You can break your bond with Shepard and…"

Liara couldn't stop the breath catching in her chest and cutting across Shiala too quickly, "she is alive… you told me she was dead."

Shiala jumped to her feet, "see you still care… you are not purged of her influence… she still has a hold on you through her daughter."

Knowing they were back in very dangerous territory Liara opened the door in her mind to the damaged part of her personality and let it take her over.

"Galine if you insult me once more with this nonsense you will not even have a place in my household let alone in my bed. You have no idea how vulnerable you have left my interests in the Republic, she is my legal bondmate or are you a complete idiot?" Liara brushed aside Shiala's response and moved to stand face to face with the taken aback matron.

"The Matriarchs also made her a fucking citizen of Thessia which means unlike any other non Asari she can inherit property on Thessia," Liara saw understanding dawn on Shiala's face, "and I need to break the bond as publicly as I made it… you are a fool Shiala and unless we go back immediately we will lose everything my mother built."

Liara turned away from Shiala fighting to stay in the moment feeling the edge of a stealth meld testing her mind.

"We will return to Thessia in the morning," Shiala reached a hand out and touched Liara's neck, "but we must go back together Liara, truly together."

Liara knew exactly what Shiala meant and without turning around tried one last time to put off what she was dreading most, "really Shiala you want our first joining after being apart to be in this dreadful place on some alien planet."

Shiala pulled Liara round to face her and held her gently around the waist, "wherever you are is a palace to me… and we are on Thessia," she said with a smile.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Alliance Navy headquarters, Vancouver, Earth**_

Shepard took a moment to look out the window of her temporary accommodation across the huge complex that served the Alliance Navy. She allowed her eyes to drift across the tall elegant arcology towers then to the mountain peaks in the distance that formed Vancouver City's skyline.

She would have preferred to stay on the Normandy but that wasn't practicable due to the extensive upgrade it was receiving. Kasumi had 'acquired' the prototype plans for tactical cloaking for ship hulls before the attacks on Illium and Arcturus.

It had taken a special engineering team at Serrice Council on Thessia to scale it up for the Normandy but there was no guarantee it would work effectively.

Reaching down for her cap a sharp stab of pain through her chest reminded her she was late taking her dose of painkillers. Even the small amount of temporary relief had gradually reduced over time, as Doctor Chakwas told her it would. Pretty soon she would either have to give in and have the operation or start taking even stronger pain medication that would impact her cognitive acuity.

Neither option was appealing to her and as she pressed the hypo to her neck and felt the rush of drugs enter her system a familiar thought edged into her mind, _'why the fuck am I putting this operation off'_ , only to be swiftly brushed away.

Leaving the room she walked as quickly as she could through long wide corridors then took the elevator down three floors. There was an efficient buzz of energy as Alliance personnel went about their business.

Shepard felt the weight of responsibility from the gold braid on her shoulders, the crushing weight of her own expectations to get the galaxy ready for the invasion, the dead weight of the hollowness inside her.

She listened to her boots hitting the polished floor the sound mingling with snatches of conversations as she walked along busier and busier corridors. Shepard returned salutes and tried to ignore the stares and whispers when she was recognised. Where once Shepard felt at home amongst her family and peers now there was an unbreachable distance to everyone around her.

Down a short flight of stairs that gave onto an open area where she saw Anderson waiting for her. The windows here looked out across the docks and repair yards used for the Navy's ships capable of flying in planetary atmosphere as well as the darkness of space.

A memory of when she was a teenager came into her mind, of a shuttle trip with her Mother out to the extensive orbital platforms and stations that were responsible for building new ships and repairing even the largest dreadnoughts in geostationary orbit over moon base alpha.

Shepard remembered her awe and wonder, and the conviction that no threat would be able to defeat the Alliance Navy in space or on the ground. That belief seemed so childish to her now and a cold sweat started to form on her brow as much from the despair that leaked into her conscious mind as it was due to her physical exertion.

"You look like hell Shepard you have to take time off for treatment," Anderson said not unkindly as they shook hands.

Falling into step next to the older man she didn't reply directly but said, "I'm ok and once we've pushed Cerberus back under the rock it crawled out from… and I know…" Shepard left the end of her sentence and thought hanging.

"You'll find them Shepard," Anderson said gently.

"Any heads up about this meeting with the Admiral?" Shepard moved the conversation back into her comfort zone.

"I have a pretty good idea," Anderson walked into the office that served as the Fleet Admiral's reception room.

"He's just finishing up a call sir," the adjutant behind the desk addressed his remark to Anderson but Shepard caught the look in her direction.

Shepard knew her reputation had once again grown for both good and bad reasons and she also wore the scars from the attempt on her life clearly on her face.

Before they had a chance to sit down a buzzer sounded, "You can go in now."

Hackett stood as they entered the room and after exchanging salutes indicated they should sit in some comfortable chairs by one of the windows.

"Your health is of great concern Commander and I am going to have to insist you have the operation you need before you continue operations against Cerberus," Hackett carried on despite Shepard's attempts to interject, "no Commander this is not negotiable and I have the agreement of the Council so you will also be suspended from Spectre duties to give you time for what's needed."

Shepard felt the rage boil up as it often did but this time she couldn't control it, "after everything I've done, everything I've sacrificed… you take away my ship, my crew," she got to her feet feeling suddenly trapped.

"No one is taking anything from you Shepard," Anderson's tone was gentle.

She felt like smashing everything in this safe smug room to pieces. Didn't they know the end was coming, there was no time, there was no point.

"You have no fucking idea what's coming and it's already started," she was shouting now, as best she could with the physical restrictions she had, "you have to listen to me when I tell you we have to destroy Cerberus… they… you have to listen to me…"

Shepard felt the room fading away she was once more trapped in that dark place hardly able to breathe. Then the flood of images sounds and feelings of fear that accompanied her witnessing the death and destruction of countless civilization's at the hands of the reapers played behind her eyes.

Hackett and Anderson watched as Shepard fell into incoherent rambling and jumped to their feet as she dropped to her knees obviously struggling for breath.

"Call Chakwas and get Lawson ready," Hackett said as he knelt beside Shepard wrapping an arm around her.

Anderson nodded and moved to the desk making the calls quickly. Then both men helped Shepard to one of the armchairs.

She had fallen into silence her eyes fixed on some far horizon.

"Just in time," Hackett said, "I can't imagine how much strength it's taken for her to hold it together this long."

"Well at least now we can get her the help she needs," Anderson looked down at Shepard, "as long as we can bypass that iron will she has."

* * *

Shepard was aware of being moved, of voices, then a hypo spray on her neck.

As her breathing became a little easier and the nightmare visions stopped playing on a loop through her mind she recognised where she was and remembered what had happened.

Hackett's face came into focus, "Sir," her voice was little more than a whisper and had a rasping edge, "I… to apologise… behaviour… no excuse…"

He held up a hand, "Commander you are physically and emotionally exhausted and have untreated combat injuries it's me offering the apology. We haven't taken good enough care of you… even though you won't take it willingly," his grizzled face looked concerned, "but you are one of my finest officers and I need you back to combat fitness so whether you like it or not you are relieved of your duties until Doctor Chakwas signs you back on."

Shepard turned her head and saw Karin Chakwas standing a little way off her arms folded and a stern look on her face.

"There is one thing we need you to do before you check in for your operation," this time it was Anderson who spoke, "and you're not going to like this any better than being ordered to sick bay."

Shepard took as deep a breath as she could and had a feeling she knew what was coming. Somewhere inside she was still raging but she had lost the will to fight them. She knew she had finally run out of physical strength and there was nothing else she could do.

"You have to go to Thessia and help High Priestess El'Estrene protect Liara's position, you know how important Asari support is to our preparations," Anderson said quietly.

Shepard realised that was the first time anyone had used that name around her in months. Liara. There was no way Shepard could describe how it felt to be without her bond mate, her best friend, her guiding light. Shepard had been hollowed out and only the emptiness that remained marked Liara's loss to Shepard.

"Did you read the report… from the raid we carried out… Cerberus research station Zircon five?" Shepard spoke slowly. The drugs were taking a toll, she felt far away and her thoughts were as wisps of smoke but the images were crystal clear, "They had Asari prisoners in cages and we caught them in the middle of one of their… dissections," she held the eye of Hackett and Anderson and when she looked to Karin saw her own disgust and anger reflected back.

"Doc can tell you," Shepard said, "they cut into their brains up while they were still alive… asking them questions… we looked at the recordings."

Karin moved next to Shepard and put her hand on her Commander's shoulder trying to offer some comfort.

Shepard looked at Hackett, "I doubt any of them will recover and we couldn't do anything for the one on the table. So when I think about Cerberus having Liara and my son I am hoping against hope that they died in that apartment… that I won't walk into another… research…," Shepard spat the word out as if it was caustic, "that I don't find her. But what does that make me Admiral, who does that make me?"

Shepard felt the sedation push past the last of her barriers and she lapsed into a fitful half consciousness and then blackness.

 _ **Lady El**_ _ **'Estrenes' office, T'Soni Estate Temple, Thrassican Republic, Thessia**_

Shepard walked into the room and despite all her inner turmoil and physical pain she still felt the calming energy of one of Thessia's most senior Priestess's.

Nara moved to face Shepard and offered the Siari greeting which Shepard returned and then stepped closer bringing their foreheads together.

"May I," Nara said quietly.

Shepard knew what the Priestess was asking and with a small nod gave permission for the joining of their consciousness's.

A strong presence entered her mind and although Shepard still felt hollowed out and the horrific images and scenes continued to play over and over in the back of her mind she did feel a distant hint of calm.

When Lady Nara stepped back and pulled out of the meld Shepard could see the concern on the Matriarchs face.

"That bad huh," Shepard tried for flippant but the comment came out as flat as she felt.

"Commander you must heal your physical injuries so you can then start healing your mind. You have one of the strongest minds and wills I have ever encountered," Nara indicated they should sit and the small table where tea was laid out.

"For a human," Shepard said as she watched the tea being poured into elegant cups.

Lady Nara stopped for a moment and looked at Shepard, "no Shepard even amongst my people you would have an extraordinary mind. But however strong a mind is it does have a breaking point."

Shepard picked up the tea and took a long drink. A memory flashed into her mind of sharing tea with Liara on sunny mornings on Thessia or late nights on the Normandy.

"So what was so important you had to get the Fleet Admiral to order me to Thessia?" Shepard didn't care that her anger and impatience sounded in her tone.

"As Liara's bondmate you hold considerable authority in her absence. And you must understand this is not usual… there are some who feel it is time for someone to step up and take the role of head of the Republic, until Liara's return."

Shepard knew Lady Nara had chosen her words carefully given it was a painful subject but having to focus on the reality of her missing bondmate did nothing for Shepard's mood.

"I didn't ask for the position… I didn't ask the Matriarchs to make me a citizen… and I certainly don't fucking care about Thessian politics or social manoeuvring," Shepard stood up, "do what you like, I'll sign or say whatever you want… you can stand in until… until…" Shepard felt completely trapped.

"Commander do you believe she is still alive," Lady Nara's tone was gentle and Shepard felt a wave of something akin to support emanating from the Matriarch.

"I can't think about it… if you knew what Cerberus could be doing to her…," Shepard looked at the Priestess and felt as if the Matriarch could see into the darkness of her soul, "I don't even know what I'm hoping for."

There was silence for a few moments and Shepard felt rooted to the spot. Lady Nara stood and when she reached Shepard folded the unyielding human into an embrace.

For a moment Shepard felt the rage in her rise up and was ready to push the older Asari away. But she worked through her feelings and leaned into the embrace letting the Priestess give her a shallow healing meld.

After a few minutes they parted and Lady Nara said softly, "we can deal with the formalities tomorrow. It's getting late you should head to the house and get some rest."

Shepard just nodded and left the room without a backward look.

* * *

A short shuttle ride later found Shepard walking across the front lawn and towards the flight of steps that would take her inside the T'Soni family private residence.

Not long ago she would have called it home. The pale moonlight cast shadows that seemed to dance and once or twice a small creature ran across her path then quickly away from her footsteps crunching on the gravel path.

The summer had arrived on Thessia and the night was balmy so there was no surprise that most of the windows and doors of the house were open.

She heard music drifting from one of the ground floor rooms. The kind that had played at their belated bonding party or that you'd hear in the clubs of Larissa. _'Why are people dancing when the end of the Galaxy was coming, was already here'_.

Shepard pushed the thoughts away and walked up the steps and into the cool hallway. She turned towards the music and when she reached the room stood just outside the doorway.

The room was lit with candles and one of the sofa's seemed to have been pushed away to make a clear space in front of the open doors in the glass wall that gave onto the gardens.

Tash and Liselle were dancing together but from what Shepard could see Liselle wasn't moving the way she used to. The young Asari seemed to have trouble with one of her legs but was still weaving her body and arms in time with Tash and the pounding bass beats.

Shepard also noticed that although Tash was moving as usual she stayed very close and Liselle leaned on her arm occasionally.

There was something very different about the way they looked together from the last time Shepard had seen them, closer perhaps. They were certainly still completely wrapped up in each other and Shepard backed away returning to the main hall and heading for the stairs.

"Commander Shepard welcome home," Seninnth T'Joan's voice came from behind her, "I have prepared one of the guest rooms for you, unless you would…"

Shepard cut her off, "no a guest room will be…" she left the sentence and the sentiment hanging and followed Matriarch T'Joan up the stairs.

Once alone in the room Shepard pulled a light cover from the bed and a couple of pillows and made her way to the long balcony. She set herself up on one of the loungers and after taking a hypospray of painkillers settled down hoping exhaustion would give her some respite from the pain in her body and her soul.

 _ **T**_ _ **'Soni private residence, T'Soni Estate, Thrassica, Thessia – morning of Shepard's visit, two months three weeks after the attack on Arcturus**_

Shepard hadn't slept well and headed down stairs to meet Priestess El'Estrene hoping to get whatever was needed done quickly so she could head back to Arcturus and continue to avoid medical treatment.

Once in the hall she was about to head to the back of the house when Tash walked in the front door.

"Hey LV I didn't think you were coming," Tash said a little out of breath and pulling a baseball cap from her head.

"Yeah, business… just a couple of days," Shepard said as Tash gave her a welcoming hug.

"Come grab some breakfast with me," Tash smiled and Shepard took the line of least resistance falling into step next to her cousin heading to the dining room.

"Where's Liselle?"

"Still in bed, had a bit of a late one last night," Tash said over her shoulder as they headed for one of the tables.

Once sitting down Shepard said, "I didn't expect to see her up at all but I saw you both dancing last night. How is she?"

Before Tash could respond one of the house assistants came to the table with a tray of tea and waited for their breakfast order.

"Could I get some coffee," Shepard asked after Tash had put her order in.

Once they were alone again Tash responded, "you know how much we like to dance… but you know Leece isn't, she didn't think she could manage going out, yet. So I thought it might be good for her, cheer her up a bit, make things more normal."

"Not sure I remember what normal is," Shepard said quietly her eyes drifting to the view of the gardens beyond the glass wall and open doors.

Shepard felt her cousins' eyes on her and brought her attention back.

"I know how hard things are at the moment with everything your dealing with," Tash said quietly.

Shepard felt the hollowness inside her and failed to keep the edge of anger and impatience from her tone, "you have no idea what I'm dealing with."

They were silent for a few moments and Shepard tried to wrestle the rage inside her to its knees.

"So Leece has decided to change her name," Tash said in a lighter more conversational tone, "going to add T'Loak… not sure how Aria will like that. She's told Admiral Lidanya and she's cool with it."

Shepard gave Tash a small smile, "you call your girlfriend's parent Admiral. And don't worry Aria's too busy being pissed at me to get angry with Liselle."

Tash returned the smile, "no I call her Drax and she's been really nice to me," Tash paused and then spoke in a more serious tone, "So Leece is pretty much fit and we were hoping she could come back to the Normandy with me, you know when our shore leave is up."

Shepard let her eyes drift again to the gardens trying to calm the broiling mix of anger and impatience.

When she brought her eyes back Tash was looking at her intently waiting for a reply, "I thought she was going to go serve with the Citadel defence fleet."

"She's… it's… well we'd rather serve together as soon as possible and the Reapers could turn up at any minute," Tash finished quickly.

"You mean she'd never pass fitness requirements for the Asari fleet," Shepard waved down whatever Tash was going to say, "if she's not fit at the very least she'll get hurt trying to keep up and at worst she'll endanger squad mates. I'm sorry Tash but I don't think it's a good idea."

"She can fight as well as any of my marines. And you know, LV, the whole fit for duty thing is a bit hard to take at the moment from someone who's just spent the last couple months strung out on pain meds and not able to run to the other side of a room," Tash's tone was hard and Shepard heard the anger that also showed on her cousins face.

"Stop calling me LV, Tash, that me is dead and gone… we're not kids anymore. And just because we're related doesn't mean you can cross the line Captain Mikhailovich," Shepard took a deep breath not liking where this conversation was headed and noting Tash's deepening scowl.

"Well let me make this easy for you, Commander… I quit… I'm not coming back to the Normandy without Leece. We both know what's coming and what our chances are and we're going to spend any time we have together," Tash stood up so violently her chair tipped over.

"Tash," Shepard's tone was softer and had lost all its anger and she was pleased that Tash didn't continue to move away, "do you love her like your life depends on it."

Tash's scowl turned to a frown and answered in a quiet voice, "of course I do, she's the only thing I care about in the Galaxy… she's my girl and I'd do anything for her."

"Then you should run, the two of you should get as far away as possible… go find a part of the Galaxy that doesn't have mass relays. I'd like to think I was fighting for something more than just…" Shepard trailed off and Tash sat down.

"Saving the Galaxy not enough for you," Tash said gently, "yeah we could run but we'd never be free of the knowledge that we didn't stand with the people we love. We've talked about it L… Shepard, anyone who knows what's coming that hasn't thought about getting the fuck out of the way is a moron. We'll find somewhere to stand and fight, but we need to do it together."

Tash gave Shepard a sad smile.

"Make the stand with me then, on the Normandy, if that's what you want," Shepard felt at odds with herself asking Tash to stay but somewhere deep behind her ice wall she knew it was the right thing to do.

"You know I love you cuz," Tash said a little embarrassed but with a huge grin on her face, "and I wouldn't want to fight alongside anyone else."

Even in her current dislocated state Shepard realised Tash was much more her old self and it was a glimmer of brightness in the dark, for a brief moment, "Yeah well thank me later when we all die in a ball of flames."

 _ **Liara**_ _ **'s private office, T'Soni residence, Thessia**_

Not long after Shepard left Tash to her breakfast she went to find Kasumi and offered what comfort she could on her friend's loss. Shepard knew she was so disconnected inside that she couldn't trust herself to say anything but giving Kasumi a long hug was better than nothing at all.

Now she was waiting in Liara's office to meet El'Estrene and finalise the paperwork then she could wrap up the last of her business and get back to Arcturus and the damned operation.

The door opened and both Priestess El'Estrene and Matriarch T'Joan walked in.

"What do I need to sign," Shepard said getting right to the point.

"That depends, Commander. You could assume the position of head of the family and therefore the Republic, of course you would not be to take up any formal role associated with the first hundred families…" Shepard cut across the Priestess.

"No, it's not my place to take any position at all. Just treat me as if I'm any other bondmate… it's only the citizenship I hold, which I saw as honorary, that's confusing things. You can pick up the role you had before surely?" Shepard said in as even a tone as she could manage and addressing her remarks to Priestess El'Estrene.

The two Matriarchs exchanged glances and it was T'Joan that answered, "That arrangement is only available if the head of the family is unable to perform their duties due to illness or an extended time away from Thessia on business. Or in Liara's case her youth and inexperience."

"There are a growing number of voices who feel Liara is not coming back," El'Estrene said gently, "we do not believe that and both Aethyta and Aria are convinced they are getting closer to finding her."

Shepard knew exactly what Aethyta and Aria thought and it had caused several huge and vicious arguments between her and Aria.

"She isn't with Galine. Liara would never let that deranged fuck anywhere near her without a fight," Shepard cast hard eyes over both Asari's in the room, "I suppose you both think I abandoned Liara in favour of saving my own people as well."

"Of course we don't," El'Estrene said quickly, "and as far as I'm aware Aethyta does not believe that either. If you know anything of Aria you know she often lashes out first and thinks it through after."

"If you could just in name take on the role of head of the family we," T'Joan indicated El'Estrene, "will do all that is necessary to keep everything as it should be until Lady Liara returns."

Shepard's exhaustion overwhelmed any attempt to fight either their request or their conclusion that Liara would at some point return.

"Let's get on with it then," Shepard said and moved to the desk to sign the relevant papers and make a video declaration for the records.

 _ **Formal gardens, T**_ _ **'Soni residence, Thessia - afternoon of Shepard's visit**_

Shepard felt the heat penetrate her body as she sat and waited on the bench. The Varren pup nudged her hand and she played absentmindedly with its velvety ear.

She had been told that the pup had howled for days after the family left for its disastrous holiday on Illium. Then the animal wouldn't eat and rushed to meet every shuttle and every visitor at the door.

"You still waiting for them to come home boy," Shepard said looking down at the ugly puppy that was now resting its chin on her thigh and looking at her with huge eyes.

"He's very popular despite being quite the ugliest companion animal on Thessia," the familiar voice startled Shepard and she looked up to see a smiling Liselle Lidanya T'Loak as she was now calling herself standing in front of her.

Shepard indicated for Liselle to sit next to her on the bench.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited and… that I haven't found her."

Liselle leaned her head against Shepard's shoulder and reached out to hold one of her hands.

"Aria has half the Terminus systems looking for her and Aethyta has half of Thessia searching. And you've been searching all the places they can't… you have nothing to apologise for."

Liselle sat on the bench next to Shepard and her presence, or perhaps something about her energy, made Shepard feel closer to Liara than any time since the explosion.

"Are you well enough to join us on the Normandy," Shepard put her arm around the young Asari's shoulders and gently held her.

"I won't get in the way or put anyone at risk," Liselle said without any trace of anger, "thank you for letting me join you, it means a lot to Tasha… and me."

"I'm sorry I said that to Tash… I'm not always myself at the moment," Shepard moved so that they were looking into each other's faces, "I just want you to be safe… Liara loved you so much, there's a part of me that doesn't want to risk your life on my orders."

"Love's me," Liselle said softly, "Liara loves me, she isn't dead Shepard."

Liselle leaned once again into Shepard's shoulder and they sat in silence trying to give what comfort they could to each other.

 _ **Abandoned research station, Thessia**_

Liara had tried her best over the previous two days to dissuade Shiala from consummating their renewed relationship on the station and wait until they had returned home.

But Shiala was growing more and more agitated and irrational. Once or twice Liara feared that Shiala would try to take her by force which, of course, the older Asari was perfectly capable of doing.

It was the evening of the second day and Liara knew it was now or never. There would be only one way that her collar, the thing preventing her using her biotics, would be removed.

She had spent the last couple of hours meditating and moving her mind to inhabit that part of her consciousness where her alter ego's personality had been walled off.

When she felt completely in control of herself Liara dressed in one of the outfits Shiala had provided that were copied from something that her mother, Benezia, had worn.

Finally she went to the bedroom door and called up the hall, "Shiala come here,"

Liara heard the hard, cold edge to her voice as it echoed in the empty station; she pushed away the thought that this was not who she was.

When Shiala walked into the room Liara noted the sharp intake of breath the older Asari took.

"Are the arrangement's made?" Liara said in an imperious tone, standing tall, untouchable.

Shiala looked confused at the questions so Liara continued, "For my return to the estate?" exasperation was clear in Liara's voice.

Shiala narrowed her eyes just a little, "I have to insist that we…"

Liara cut her off, "you need to remember your place Shiala," and moved to stand in front of the matron pulling her into a hard embrace and just as forceful a kiss.

When they stepped apart Shiala was breathless and her eyes were beginning to fade to black. Liara braced herself for the meld and dug deep into the memory of the last time they had had sex.

Shiala started stripping her own and Liara's clothes off by turn whilst walking them both towards the bed.

Falling backwards Liara reached for the sensitive folds on Shiala's neck and through the meld felt the older Asari's rising lust.

Liara threw Shiala over onto her back and moved quickly to kneel above her continuing to strip off her clothes but deliberately caught the dress on the control collar.

"Remove this now," Liara said out loud and through the meld felt Shiala's hesitation.

"I will join with you as an equal Shiala or not at all, enough of this nonsense," Liara said and pushed Shiala from her mind breaking the meld.

This was the moment. If Liara had manifested her old self well enough Shiala would be convinced and would respond to her mistress, if not.

But Liara had no doubt at all that Shiala would do her bidding. Her alter ego, her broken self with all its shades of her mother's worst traits and the unknown well of rage and grief that had taken her after Shepard's death was back again.

Shiala flicked on her omnitool and sent the release command to the collar and it snapped open.

Liara removed it from her neck and threw it across the room pulling Shiala into a powerful meld. The sensations flowing through Liara's body were heady; she felt powerful and also felt the heat of need and lust flood her body.

The older Asari continued to reach out for Liara through the meld and with her hands trying to explore now exposed breasts. For a moment Liara sat with all the confusing sensations coursing through her body and then in a moment knew she had full control of her biotics.

Liara heard screaming, felt her body move, she was standing up now, Shiala was crying with pain as Liara ripped through the soft mind of her would be jailer, the servant who had tried to possess her.

Shiala came into view as Liara's eyes refocused. She was hanging a few feet off the ground from Liara's biotic fist that continued to slam the limp body against the bedroom wall.

As Liara became aware of her surroundings and what she was doing her biotics faded away and Shiala's body fell to the floor.

Liara sat on the edge of the bed just staring at the lifeless form and tried to gather her mind back from where she had sent it. She sat for a long time one hand on her swollen belly the other at her neck where the collar had been.

She didn't notice the room becoming increasingly cold despite the fact she was partly naked. She didn't seem to notice the tears streaming down her face. She felt emptied out and adrift.

 _ **Some hours later**_

Liara felt a cover being pulled up under her chin and she forced her sleepy eyes open.

Benezia was sitting on the edge of the bed smiling, "you did what you had to do little wing you have nothing to be ashamed of. I came as soon as I could to help. Now you need to send a message so you can be found. Everyone is looking for you; your Rasam will come for you."

Liara was so sleepy she could hardly speak, "Asam… I miss you, do not leave me."

"Never little wing, I am always close, now rest you will need your strength."

Liara woke with a start. It had been so real she almost expected to see her mother sitting on the bed. She threw the cover off and got out of bed feeling the cold draught that persistently defied the small amount of heating the station could offer.

Without looking at the body on the floor she gathered some warm clothes and went to the living area to get dressed. She pulled up the long boots that came up to the knees of her trousers and finally putting on the long thick coat she was ready to leave.

She made her way quickly to the landing pad and climbed into the shuttle moving to the pilot seat. Liara switched on the engines. Nothing happened. She ran through the starting procedures again on the haptic interface and again nothing happened.

Then at the corner of the main data screen she saw a flashing warning sign with the words "input pass-code to release security lock".

Liara stared at the words rolling them around her mind. The shuttle was useless to her. Shiala had locked it with a pass-code which Liara did not have.

She got out of the shuttle and stood looking at the mountains feeling the trance like, calm state she had woken up in fading to frustration, anger and exhaustion.

Liara moved back through the facility to the bedroom smashing anything in her way with biotic throws or punches. She searched Shiala's Omnitool for the code but knew it was pointless. That information had only been stored in one place, in Shiala's memory, and she was dead.

Rage took Liara, rage at the Asari who had almost killed her bondmate, had led to the death of a sweet young man and who had allowed Cerberus to take her son.

"If I cannot get off this station Shiala I will not share it with you for a moment longer," she shouted dragging the matron's body along the corridor by the ankle.

Liara kept moving through the main entrance and out into the open cavern and then to the edge of the platform.

With one final look at her tormentor Liara used a biotic throw to hurl Shiala's body from the platform onto the ice covered ridges below.

She turned and began walking back into the facility to find what warmth she could but stopped dead in her tracks and turned quickly so sure that someone was standing behind her.

But there was only the icy winds swirling the falling snow a little way into the cavern and onto the platform. A thought came to her mind. She could rig the radio in the shuttle to transmit some form of signal if she could find a power source.

Over the next several hours she worked on her plan. She ripped a power core from one of the lighting networks and through trial and error connected it to the on-board radio, it worked.

It was only hissing and static as she only had control over the power source but that was enough. Another hour and she had added a circuit breaker running through a programmer from the heating system set to turn the power on and off every five seconds. Exactly five seconds on and five seconds off, anyone who picked up the signal would have no doubt it was not a natural phenomenon.

Moving away from the shuttle she returned to the facility to find food and begin what could be a long wait until someone heard her signal. That was, of course, if anyone heard it at all.


	4. Chapter 4

_**T**_ _ **'Loak Estate, Thessia**_

Aria watched Liselle step from the shuttle with mixed feelings. Of course she wanted Liselle to recover as quickly as she could but Aria also knew the cost and the dangers that came with the quick fix her impatient daughter had opted for.

Liselle gave her mother a cheeky grin before being folded into an embrace by the Queen of Omega.

"Did you come alone," Aria said as they walked.

"Of course," Liselle leaned into the tall Asari's shoulder, "I wanted to tell you something."

"And you're not sure how I'll react."

Liselle smiled and it sounded in her voice, "mmm something like that."

They had reached the rear of the house and stepped out onto a shaded terrace where a table had been set.

One of the house workers was hovering but Aria sent her away and sounded irritated, "I'm capable of pouring tea."

Turning to her daughter she tilted her head in question at the wide smile.

"It's great to see you even if you are in a grumpy mood."

Pouring the tea Aria hid the small smile that traced her lips, "really Liselle do you have to use human words when you own language has such a wealth of description."

"I am young and impressionable as you like to keep reminding me," Liselle accepted the cup offered but continued in a more serious tone, "Has there been any news?"

Aria just shook her head, "T'Arani believes she has tracked Galine to a small settlement in the K'Alrasta mountain range."

Liselle sat forward, "on Thessia… she's here?"

"We've been convinced for some time she came here from Illium. There were some irregularities with incoming ship recognition around the time Galine would have made it back to Thessia," Aria choose one of the pastries and indicated Liselle do the same, "you need to build your muscle back, eat."

"So is that why you're back on Thessia so soon?"

"Perhaps," Aria sat back and her chair and fixed her daughter with a steady gaze, "and perhaps I wanted to see just how foolhardy my supposedly intelligent daughter had been taking a human cure instead of sticking with Asari treatments."

Aria felt a rush of love and connection towards Liselle as she watched a very familiar trait. The young Asari was biting her bottom lip and frowning slightly.

"You would have done exactly the same thing… but I… I'm changing my name to T'Loak," Liselle finished defiantly.

"Have you told Drax?" Aria was surprised but she schooled her reaction.

"Yes, and she is fine with it… I'll be known as Liselle Lidanya T'Loak," Liselle hesitated just slightly before continuing, "I don't want to hide the fact that I am your daughter anymore."

Aria studied the only daughter who had chosen to get to know her, who hadn't maintained her safe life in Asari society, but said nothing as she struggled with a raft of conflicting emotion.

"Well say something mother."

"You know what danger this will put you in and that you will be shunned in some social circles."

Liselle sighed audibly, "like I give a fuck about Asari social circles… not like I'm a glowing example of Asari correctness anyway," she leaned into the table, "and I'm not sure how much more of a target I can be given I nearly died on Omega and you haven't been so discreet about your connection to me."

Aria gave in to the laughter that came on a tide of love and pride, "well it seems you've made the choice for both of us."

 _ **T**_ _ **'Loak estate, Thessia**_

Aria ended the call to Omega and leaned back in her chair. She was away from her empire yet again and this time had left Ne'aira behind to keep an eye on how her three merc lieutenants were working together.

She held her space station and most of the Terminus system where it was located in an iron fist. But such was the turbulent nature of the permanent undercurrents of power brokering between the gangs and vested interests on Omega it was important she was seen to be firmly in charge as well as pulling all the strings behind the scenes.

There had been plenty of chatter about her recent visits to Thessia and her relationship with Liselle. Some had suggested she had finally fallen for one of her young mercs but they were in the minority. No one who knew Aria T'Loak Pirate Queen of the Terminus systems thought for one moment it was affairs of the heart that was driving her actions in regards the attack on one of her closest merc lieutenants.

Reaching for the Arcadian brandy on her desk Aria let her mind wander to earlier in the day and her time spent with Liselle. It had been a good idea to do some training with her daughter. Joining her mind and nervous system with Liselle, Aria had helped to connect the final few pathways in her daughter's brain and put her on the fast track to regaining full control and command over her biotics.

When Liselle had arrived she still needed to lean on a stick and her biotics were ragged around the edges. On her departure Liselle strode energetically without any need for support and her final demonstration of her biotic power was almost back to normal.

Aria wasn't quite sure what she was feeling, she couldn't describe it even to herself. After all the years of hardening her heart and her mind to others, sharing that experience with her daughter had been powerful. She knew she would miss Liselle and there was a small voice that urged her to keep her daughter with her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a ping indicating an incoming call on her omnitool. It was her private channel. As she hit accept Aethyta's face swirled into view on the hololight screen projection that sat above Aria's forearm.

"She was definitely here," Aethyta gruff and drawling as ever got straight to the point, "at least a week ago she was. And it wasn't the first time she'd passed through for supplies."

Aria would never tell her lifelong rival but she knew how good a huntress Aethyta was and the only reason they were this close was because of both T'Arani's skill and connections.

"How clever of you to know where she was in the past but it doesn't get us any closer to where she is now does it," Aria responded and hearing the cold aloof and dismissive tone was pleased it drowned out any possible shadow of admiration for what Aethyta had achieved.

"Yeah… must really bite that I'm the one finding her," Aethyta said with a slight shake of the head.

Aria narrowed her eyes at the other Matriarch but before she could give vent to her ever present rage Aethyta carried on.

"We started a search pattern with recon drones a few hours ago, and put together a list of any locations she could be using. But I've just had a call from a research team who had to make a detour over the A'Natare mountain range to avoid a pretty heavy storm and they picked up a signal."

The rage dissipated and Aria's full attention now was on what the other Asari was telling her.

Aethyta looked a little distracted and turned her head to speak to someone standing in front of her, "no not a drone send a search team but long range if they tip Galine off that we're close I'll reave them out myself," she turned back to Aria, "it's just static but a repeating pattern with equal time gaps… it's one I taught to Liara when she was kid… secret emergency call kinda thing. You need to get here fast, I think we found her, and I'm not waiting for you to make one of your regal fucking appearances."

The comm link closed before Aria could respond; before Aria could fully process the barb intended to remind her that Aethyta had been there for Liara when she was growing up. But it hit home and Aria was surprised by the pain that came with the knowledge that even for a short time Aethyta was the parent Aria was never allowed to be. But she'd be damned if she was excluded now.

 _ **Central peaks, K**_ _ **'Alrasta mountain range, Southern continent, Thessia**_

Aria took the coat that was being handed to her as she moved to the shuttle door without any real thought. She had walked out of her office after the call from Aethyta and straight to her shuttle with only her two personal body guards who were waiting outside her office.

The orbital flight had taken a little under two hours and Aria had brooded all the way. She wanted to know what was going on but wouldn't allow herself to try to contact T'Arani expecting to either be ignored or worse still would have to listen to the smugness and condescension in the other Matriarch's tone.

She jumped from the shuttle and started striding towards the cluster of Thrassican Republic shuttles she saw on the edge of the landing area. The long coat lifted by the breeze and Aria's pace rippling out behind her like a cloak was doing nothing to stop the icy wind slicing through her leather's.

The two commandos' in her wake occasionally needed to break into a jog to keep up with the Pirate Queen.

The settlement was large given it was located in the depths of one of the biggest pristine habitat reserves on Thessia. The five hundred or so locals were supplemented by between two and three thousand most of whom were environmental scientists, researchers or on retreat of some description.

Aria had no time for the kind of Asari who needed to come to remote and savage environments to complete themselves. A week on Omega would tell them all the needed to know about who they really were and whether they had to much shit in their lives.

Drawing closer to the T'Soni shuttles Aria spotted Aethyta giving what looked like final orders to some of her team.

"Just in time T'Loak," Aethyta said in her usual gruff tone.

Aria didn't trust herself to speak and so just gave a terse nod.

They both boarded the lead shuttle and Aria sat without a word finally pulling the coat around her but only dimly aware of the heat being provided thanks to the embedded tech. Her eyes were fixed on the view. Snow and ice capped mountain ranges as far as the eye could see. And somewhere out there, if Aethyta was right, was her daughter and a second chance.

 _ **En route Asari research station, K**_ _ **'Alrasta mountain range, Southern continent, Thessia**_

The plan was to approach the research station, the source of the signal, with just the lead shuttle as quickly and quietly as possible.

Aria and Aethyta managed to agree, with as little talking as possible, that they would jointly lead the small team of commandos into the station and deal with Galine personally. The rest of the journey they sat at opposite ends of the shuttle in silence.

On the final approach to their destination the shuttle was being buffeted hard by the storm and the snow was a thick almost impenetrable sheet being driven hard into the shuttle through the open doors. Aria and Aethyta stood on either side of the opening holding on tight and peering through the white out for the first glimpse of the structure.

It was only when the shuttle finally tucked itself into the wide rock protected and cavernous entrance that the landing platform came into view. But the position of the single shuttle sitting on the pad was such that it denied access to the larger attack shuttle forcing it to hover a little way off.

Without a word, Aria launched herself from the open doorway towards the landing pad using her biotics to both extend her range and cushion her jump. She was closely followed by Aethyta and two other commandos.

Once on the landing pad Aria strode towards the entrance to the main facility her body alight with a rippling blue aura, her biotics ready for anything she might meet.

Aethyta only paused to give instructions to have the small shuttle moved making room for the estate shuttle to land before following Aria through the doors and along the main corridor. Moving quickly and expertly the two old hunters checked the rooms and areas to the left and right off the corridor intuitively knowing what the other was doing.

They reached the end of the central corridor at the same time and the wide glass doors that gave entrance to the main living area only slowly began to move apart. Aethyta and Aria took one door each and pulled them open and continued quickly into the large open space.

The air seemed colder here and Aria noticed her breath turning to vapour as her eyes scanned the room.

On one of the long soft benches there was slight movement and Aria knew they had found Liara. Moving to kneel next to the prone body she pulled away the covers to expose a pale blue face.

Aria heard Aethyta bark orders and sensed more Asari entering the space, "search the rest of the facility and find Galine."

"Liara are you hurt," Aria said quietly stroking the soft but very cold blue cheek with her fingers. Somewhere in the back of her mind Aria was annoyed that she was exposing her feelings for her daughter in front of her hated rival but that feeling faded as quickly as it arose.

Liara's eyelids flickered and then opened taking in the two Matriarchs, "you found me… Asan said you would come for me… is she still here."

The Matriarchs exchanged a glance and in one movement Aria lifted Liara into her arms and once standing moved almost at a run back the way they had come to the landing pad Aethyta at her heels.

Aria jumped into the shuttle, now settled on the landing platform, without a word and laid Liara down on the medbed they had brought stepping back only to give the medics access.

"No sign of her anywhere, but there looks as if there was a fight of some kind in one of the bunk rooms," Aethyta said when she joined Aria on the shuttle a few minutes later, "and this was in the room as well."

She handed Aria a silver collar, "fucking control collar," Aria spat out as she looked at something so morally reprehensible to Asari that to use one would mean forfeiting citizenship.

Aria studied it closely. She had seen plenty of them in the Terminus systems as they were often used by slavers to capture and control their Asari merchandise. They not only effectively cut off access to biotics but also the ability the join minds and they had plenty of side effects. Aria had seen first-hand young Asari's who had, in the truest sense of the word, lost their minds from long term exposure to the collars.

"This is human made," Aria said and noticed Aethyta nod agreement, "so she did work with Cerberus."

Their attention was drawn back to the medbed as both Matriarchs heard Liara's voice cry out in anguish, "no I must get up… I must find my son."

The senior medic was careful to address her remarks to both Aria and Aethyta, "she is dehydrated and suffering from mild exposure, she is emotionally exhausted and has a fever. I would suggest sedating her on the trip back to the estate so she can rest and we can treat her without upsetting her any further."

"You've gotta do what's best for her," Aethyta answered but glanced at Aria who nodded her assent.

Aria moved to the side of the bed and took hold of one of Liara's hands and leaning in she spoke softly but firmly, "we will find him little wing but you must rest now, we are taking you home."

Liara's eyes were half closed but she stared intently at Aria and grabbed at her jacket, "Shepard, is she alive… I need to be with her Rasam…"

"Quiet now Liara," Aria pushed her daughter gently back down onto the bed and nodded to the medic to administer the sedation, "you'll see her when you get home, rest now."

Once the sedative entered the young Asari's system she fell back quietly and seemed to relax.

"Gonna hit the kid hard when she sees how beat up Shepard is," Aethyta said from behind Aria the sadness clear in her gruff voice, "and now I guess we know the worst about who has the baby."

Aria looked down at her daughter for a moment before moving to take a seat feeling the shuttle lift off the landing pad once again letting her eyes settle on the storm through the window. But her mind was very much elsewhere. Now Liara was safe Aria could focus her mind fully on the forces who had almost killed both her daughters and of course there was still Galine to think about.

 _ **Alliance shuttle, En route Arcturus station**_

Shepard reached into her jacket pocket for the hypospray and pressed it against her neck. She felt the whoosh of drugs enter her system and an almost immediate lessening of the pain which, if she was being honest, was now almost more than even she could bear.

She would never have allowed the increase in strength of the pain medication if she was still in command of the Normandy and her crew. But Shepard was effectively suspended from duty and as soon as they got to Arcturus would be surrendering herself to the surgery long overdue that was needed to heal her considerable injuries after the explosion on Illium.

Shepard leaned back in the seat and let her eyes drift out of the window to the mass effect fields dancing across the hull, and allowing the familiar sight soothe her. There was little else she could set in motion before her operation. She'd spent the journey to and from Thessia reading reports, asking for analysis or directing further intelligence gathering in readiness for the next round of search and destroy missions against Cerberus on her return to duty.

Anderson was going to take temporary command of the Normandy in a few days time at the end of the crews leave and would conduct the field trials of the new hull upgrades and carry on until she was deemed fit for duty.

' _Fit for duty,'_ the words echoed in her head, _'pretty sure I wouldn't pass any kind of serious psych exam… not for some time… when… when was the last time I was truly… whole.'_

Shepard squeezed her eyes together for a moment then sat up a little and looking for distraction decided to check the several messages that had pinged to her omnitool while she'd been working.

One stood out and she hit the haptic interface floating above her forearm to accept the message which appeared on the holo screen in front of her.

From: Aethyta T'Arani – We've got her. On way back to estate. Come now.

Shepard touched the implant just below her right ear to switch on her local comms, "turn the ship around and had back to Thessia now…"

Then she sent a message to Doctor Chakwas to let her know of the change of plan before settling back in her seat.

The storm of emotions that were raging through her mind and causing her breathing to become difficult were impossible to unpick. She reached for the hypospray and sent another surge of strong painkillers into her body.

The drugs helped a little calm her breathing but only dulled her mind. All the conflicting emotions were still battling each other but one thought rang out like a bullet in an empty ship hanger. They had found Liara on Thessia.

Shepard had been wrong. Cerberus didn't have Liara she must have been taken by Shiala Galine, had been with Galine this whole time.

 _ **T**_ _ **'Soni family residence, T'Soni Estate, Thrassica, Thessia**_

Shepard waited until the shuttle settled on the grass before standing. She felt weak and feverish and the pain was hardly responding to a single dose of the medication now.

The oppressive heat hit her like a wall and the extra effort to take in air tore a sound akin to a groan from her throat.

She narrowed her eyes against the glaring, brilliant sunshine and almost stumbled stepping through the shuttle door onto the ground but a hand steadied her.

"Where is she…" was all Shepard could manage.

"In the medical wing but she's ok," Tash said staying close to Shepard's left side, "taking you straight to her… if she doesn't get to you first," Tash finished a smile evident in her tone.

Shepard could only nod the effort of walking even the very short distance to the main doors draining her of strength and breath she no longer had.

Again, Shepard stumbled this time on the short flight of steps leading to the main door and this time both her companions deftly supported her. Shepard felt the gentle support of a biotic field from Liselle even after the young Asari's hands had let her go.

The medical facility was on the lower ground floor in the left wing of the large house and Shepard headed in that direction with no thoughts now except the next breath, the next step and reaching Liara's side.

The sound of raised voices met Shepard as she turned into the corridor.

"I am perfectly capable of walking… do not try to get in my way…" it was unmistakably Liara's voice but Shepard also heard the exhaustion and her bondmate was upset.

Then before she had gone more than a few more paces Liara came into view further along the corridor and Shepard ground to a halt.

She had enough time to take in her lover's drawn and pale features. The garish bruising around her throat, the now very pronounced swell of Liara's belly and the look of absolute horror on her bondmate's face.

Tears were streaming down soft blue cheeks that Shepard could remember only too well tracing with the tips of her fingers.

Something hit her hard in the knees and although Shepard tried hard to keep focus on Liara's face, keep moving towards her, everything around her dimmed to a single point.

Voices, faces, movement. Liara's voice, a glimpse of those eyes, Shepard reached out a hand but she was drowning.

No more breath could be wrung through her broken body and she felt all the pain fade away as she faded away to nothing.

 _ **Medical wing, T**_ _ **'Soni private mansion, T'Soni Estate, Thrassican Republic, Thessia**_

Liara paced back and forth a little way from the bottom of the medibed as High Priestess El'Estrene herself directed the healers and medics who were trying to stabilise Shepard after her collapse in the corridor.

Occasionally she caught Lady Nara's eye but the High Priestess gave no hint of progress or otherwise. And so Liara had no counter to the fear that had wrapped itself around her after seeing her bondmate's condition face to face. Shepard's devastated body and features. The lack of muscle, the obvious pain etched on the gaunt hollow cheeked face and the new scar almost dissecting the left side of her lover's face from forehead to lower cheek. The black patch denoting a missing eye.

The very essence of her brave and strong human dissipating before her eyes as Shepard gasped for breath that would not come, on the floor in front of her. Liara felt more impotent and trapped than at any time since her kidnap from Illium.

Liara was only dimly aware of waving away attempts to get her to leave, to sit down, to rest. As if she could rest with Shepard's life hanging in the balance. And then the room seemed to quiet, movement stilled and almost everyone left.

Her eyes scoured the body in the bed as she moved closer, and lingered on the empty eye socket now exposed. She noted the myriad of tubes and lines in and out of Shepard's body and recognised that a hard stasis field now encased the medibed.

"Well…" she said quietly to Lady Nara who alone now remained with her in the room.

"Shepard is as close to death as it is possible to be and yet remain alive. Everything will depend on the skill of the team coming from Arcturus to perform her operation," the High Priestess paused a moment, "she is extraordinary of that there is no doubt but she is still mortal, Liara."

Liara stood looking down at her bondmate wishing with all her soul she could hold her, touch her, talk to her… ask forgiveness.

"You need to rest Liara and I need to tell you what else has happened," Lady Nara placed a hand on the young Asari's shoulder and continued, "how helpful will it be to Shepard for you to not be fully rested and well when she needs you? She is in full cryo stasis nothing will change until she is brought out for the operation."

Liara reluctantly allowed herself to be held by the Priestess and guided gently from the room and towards her own. As they walked slowly along the corridor Liara leaned her head against the Matriarchs shoulder and asked, "is my Mother truly gone, Lady Nara."

To anyone listening it would have seemed a strange and incongruous question but the Matriarch understood better than anyone the reason why it was being asked.

"She has passed from this life yes, but some journeys need to be completed even after our physical severance. Our light, Liara, our consciousness can certainly remain but we will be separated by much more than just death at those times."

 _ **Liara**_ _ **'s office, T'Soni private mansion, T'Soni estate, Thrassican Republic, Thessia**_

"No," Liara shouted and threw the data pad she was holding in the general direction of the wall in front of her where it shattered, "I will not have that woman on my estate or in my home."

"You want Shepard to die then?" Doctor Chakwas's voice came loud and clear from the console on Liara's desk, "I cannot begin to understand your feelings towards Doctor Lawson but you should know she was the one who saved the Commander's life initially and any meaningful chance of success now rest in her hands alone."

Liara placed one of her hands instinctively on her swollen belly resting the other on the desk. Bending her head almost in defeat as she answered, "of course if that is… who is needed then I will see you in a few hours." She cut the connection without waiting for the reply and closed her eyes trying to fight back the tears.

"Sometimes I forget just how young you still are little wing," Aethyta closed the door behind her and waited to see what her reception would be.

"Oh Teeta," Liara looked up and felt all her strength and reserve melt away.

Aethyta moved quickly to enfold Liara in her arms and let the young Asari, who she had always felt was her daughter, sob into her shoulder, "hey kiddo it's ok… Shepard's strong she'll pull through."

"But… it's all wrong…" Liara said trying to steady her breathing, "and I let Shiala," Liara pulled back a little to look at Aethyta, "Shepard believed Cerberus had me… Aria said…"

Aethyta cut across Liara's train of thought and pulled her back into a hug, "Yeah… well never you mind what Aria said or thinks… or what they said to each other. All that matters is that you're both going to be ok."

Aria had wasted no time letting Liara know about her profound disagreement with Shepard's actions and decisions to hunt Cerberus rather than help track Galine and the subsequent violent argument that had resulted. Aria's position was that Shepard's first action and instinct had been to rush to Arcturus to secure the Alliance Navy and Human government rather than look for Liara and as such made her unworthy of Liara's affections or loyalty.

Aethyta had walked in on the end of the conversation in time to watch Aria say all the wrong things to Liara about Shepard, and Goddess forgive her if she hadn't enjoyed watching the argument that ensued and Liara telling Aria to leave.

"So that Lawson woman on her way, is she?" Aethyta said softly noticing Liara's breathing was now steadier.

"Mmm," the sound was accompanied by deep breath and Liara broke away moving back to the desk and started riffling through some data pads.

"Any point me telling you to take it easy and rest up?"

"No."

Aethyta chuckled and moved to the door, "always stubborn. So quiet and shy as a kid, but nothing would stop you once your mind was set."

Liara looked up, "I do not feel young anymore Teeta… but I do not feel old enough for all of this either."

Aethyta had never heard Liara sound so forlorn before, or so lost, "you are Benezia T'Soni's daughter, head of the first family of the Thrassican Republic and I swear Liara you're stronger than all of us. And you don't have to do any of this on your own… Shepard'll pull through, you have family, me… Athames tits though it kills me to say it you have Aria," Aethyta held up her hands to forestall Liara's comments, "yeah she's everything I've ever called her… but… she loves you."

"She will never replace you," Liara said quietly holding Aethyta's eyes.

"I know," Aethyta felt emotion choke her and after a short pause said, "well enough of this mushy shit… I have work to do," closing the door behind her she focused on making arrangements for the incoming Alliance medical team.


	5. Chapter 5

_**The Beach**_

Shepard shaded her eyes as she looked out across the rolling blue surf to the horizon. The Sun was high in the pristine blue sky. She had a sense of knowing this place but not being able to place it.

"Am I dying," she said to someone standing a little way behind her.

"I do not believe so, I certainly hope not or that will make our success very uncertain," the tall woman moved to stand next to Shepard.

She was dressed in long white robes, almost iridescent, and her features reminded Shepard of someone.

"This is the same beach," Shepard turned her back on the water's edge and its gently breaking surf to study the cliffs that provided a stunning backdrop to the wide expanse of white sand.

"Yes, but there will be no…" the woman hesitated, "nightmare reliving this time."

"So it happened… not just a mash up of all the memories the beacons put in my head."

"They are not just memories from the beacons," again the women paused studying Shepard before continuing, "you really do identify as Shepard, as human, it would be so much easier if I could wake you now but you are too strong for me… even now."

Shepard was confused, but somewhere in the depths of her mind not surprised, "I am Shepard… and what do you mean not just from the beacon." Shepard felt a searing pain in her head so severe she had to lean forward and placed her hands on her knees taking deep breaths.

"Calm… Shepard… we cannot talk about too much. You are not ready and we have little time."

"Who the fuck are you and where the hell am I," as the pain dissipated Shepard straightened up and this time when she looked at her companion she recognised who it was.

"Benezia…" Shepard could hear the relief in her voice and took a deep breath before continuing, "dream… I'm having a dream, I'm under for the operation."

"You are partly right. I have tried but I have not been able to reach you since the night of your bonding to… Liara," they began walking up the beach side by side, "but this is not a dream Shepard. You have to start waking up, you all do or we will not be ready."

Shepard tried to process what was happening and what her companion was talking about but nothing connected. A fear started to surface, something that had been eating at her for some time.

"I'm… when you said I really think I'm human, Shepard… you mean I'm not," she stopped and looked at the women, "am I one of them… indoctrinated… am I a Reaper," she barely whispered the last few words.

Benezia put her hands on Shepard's shoulders and almost seemed to shake her as she spoke, "No, never think that… you are the very antithesis… you, we have been fighting them since the beginning, since their betrayal."

Shepard could feel the intensity of the woman's words feel them burn but everything was growing dark and she felt light headed.

"Listen to me Shepard… you must hold on… you must wake up…"

Shepard felt the soft sand on her back, the swish of the surf and the clean ozone filled air filled her head as she drifted away.

 _ **Medical wing, T**_ _ **'Soni private mansion, Thrassican Republic, Thessia**_

Faces and muffled sounds. Shepard tried to focus on them, to hold onto them but drifted away. Then she was aware of someone close, hand on her shoulder, more muffled sounds.

Opening her eyes again the group of faces where still around the bottom of the bed. Blue, violet, white and brown, clearer this time but still hard to bring into focus.

"Shepard," the voice close to her unmistakable.

"Thirsty…" Shepard said before the recognition of how desperately she needed water was a fully formed thought.

Turning her head slightly the familiar blue face drifted into view and even in Shepard's state she recognised the concern and worry etched in her bondmate's face.

"M'k," Shepard tried to speak but everything was so heavy.

Liara traced her lips with an ice cube, "you can't have a drink yet my darling but everything went well… rest now."

The room drifted away and she slipped once again into unconsciousness.

 _ **Some time later**_

Shepard realised she could breathe again. Moving her head to the left and bringing her eyes into focus she saw Liara sleeping in the chair next to her bed. Shepard was in an almost upright position so had a good view of the room which was darker now and seemed to be empty of faces.

Turning her attention back to Liara she studied her bondmate's face noting the dark areas under the eyes and sallow cheeks. The bruising around Liara's neck brought a rush of rage and another feeling that was so unfamiliar to Shepard she could barely name it for what it was, shame.

Liara stirred and her eyes flickered open. Seeing Shepard was awake Liara sat up and reached out a hand to her lover's face.

"Hey you," Shepard said in a barely audible croaky whisper followed by a dry swallow.

Liara gave her a wan smile and reached for a drinking cup placing the straw to Shepard's lips, "are you comfortable?"

Shepard nodded a little and as her eyes rested again on Liara's neck a question burst from her lips on the tide of rage that rose in her once again, "where's Shiala."

Liara, it seemed to Shepard, blushed and one of her hands went to her neck as if to shield the bruising from view.

"Dead."

"How, when…"

"I… please can this wait," Liara looked away and Shepard saw tears in her eyes, "I need to…"

Shepard felt the rage and anger that had fuelled her since Illium explode in her head and take control, "are you upset that she's dead," Shepard's voice despite being rough and still lacking its usual strength was laced with cold anger.

Liara moved back in the chair as if she had been struck, shock clearly visible on her face. Tears now streamed down her cheeks, "no Shepard of course not… how could you…"

As Shepard tried to wrangle the unbidden and unwelcome maelstrom of feelings seeming to drive her in that moment she watched Liara leave the room without another word passing between them.

"You may be in a hospital bed but next time you upset my girl I'll break the other side of your face," Aethyta's said in her gruff tone from the doorway to the room, "you need to sort out your shit instead of throwing it at someone who loves you."

Shepard squeezed her eyes shut forcing her feelings down as she had done for months. Forcing everything that wasn't rage, anger and hate behind the wall of ice she'd erected.

 _ **Some time later**_

Shepard sensed someone in the room and opened her eyes a little confused and with no idea how long she'd been asleep. Turning her head to the left the chair was empty and the voice was not Liara's but Miranda Lawson.

"You're making good progress Shepard, but don't push it your body took a beating even before the major surgery you've just had." Miranda was checking one of the machines hooked into Shepard's body.

"How soon can I get up," Shepard concentrated hard and forced her eyes to focus on the dark-haired woman.

Miranda gave a hollow chuckle, "how predictable… to be honest if the nanites do their job I'd like to see you beginning to move around possibly tomorrow… but," Miranda moved closer to the bed and stood in Shepard's eye line, "you have to start dealing with your emotional trauma. Your recovery will be impacted and…"

Shepard cut across the ex-Cerberus agent, the brilliant scientist who had brought her back from the dead and the women who had genetically created Shepard and Liara's son, "I'm surprised you're here…"

Miranda paused before answering and Shepard thought she saw puzzlement on the woman's face, "I don't like to leave a job half done. And apart from the fact I'm not sure anyone the Alliance could have found would have kept you alive it seems to be my role in the new world order to keep bringing you back from the edge of death."

"Mmm, I meant I'm surprised Liara let you set foot in the house let alone Thessia."

"Ah… well lucky for you she prefers to have you alive more than she hates me," Miranda said with a slight smile, "you must be relieved that she was found safe."

"Yeah… seems it was Shiala that got Cerberus in the front door using her connection with Liara," Shepard hadn't meant to say anything and especially to Miranda but the drugs seemed to be removing her filter and even to her own ears the comment carried a hard edge of cold judgement.

Miranda stopped what she was doing and looked hard at Shepard holding her eyes, "this is exactly what I'm talking about Shepard, distorting something that normally you would see clearly," Shepard narrowed her eyes and Miranda continued.

"If you think a couple of estate security guards, Liara and your child's carer were going to be a match for a Cerberus black op even without a seasoned and experienced huntress joining them then your judgement is even more affected than I thought."

Miranda sounded genuinely surprised and Shepard could feel the anger rising, "well it's not as if we didn't know Shiala couldn't be trusted, it should have…"

"Really Shepard I thought better of you," Miranda cut across the sullen looking Commander, "the only thing Shiala was guilty of before she turned up with Cerberus was of sacrificing herself to save Liara and being taken prisoner by the Shadow Broker in the process and of course… being Liara's lover when you were technically dead. I think your fixation on Shiala is more about jealously than any clear and present threat she presented before this happened"

Miranda's words hit home. All the way through the ice wall and into the part of Shepard that knew truth. To the place where she was most broken and in pain, but it was a one-way journey.

"Fuck off Miranda… what the fuck do you know about anything," Shepard turned her head away and stared at the window.

Miranda put down the data pad she had been holding and made her way to the door. As she exited she almost walked into Liara who seemed to have just arrived.

"I'm… sorry Liara I needed to check on her outputs and they said you…" the last thing Miranda wanted was a confrontation with Liara.

"Please do not apologise. I am very grateful for what you are doing for her," Liara tilted her head slightly to one side indicating the room, "and I know Shepard is as well whether she shows it or not."

"You heard some of that?"

Liara just nodded and began walking away from the room indicating Miranda join her, "what did you mean about emotional trauma and her recovery?"

Liara had heard pretty much the whole conversation between Shepard and Miranda and was surprised to hear the human doctor challenge Shepard in such strong terms.

They had retreated to Liara's private sitting room where they discussed Shepard's emotional and psychological state since the bombing on Illium and the coup attempt on Arcturus.

Liara had already found out all about her bondmate's physical injuries and didn't need anyone to tell her how much she would be in grief from losing her mother and Jamie; and not knowing what had happened to Liara and their son. But from talking with Miranda and then a conversation with Doctor Chakwas she began to realise how deep the psychological trauma had affected Shepard.

Garrus was spending time with an Asari doctor he had become close with during his time on the estate and Liara was not going to disturb him but she missed his council and of course he had been on board the Normandy so would have had a first-hand view of how Shepard was coping.

She would speak to him when he was back but Liara needed to face the fire of Shepard's wrath, some of which was deserved, and try to reach her lover as soon as possible.

 _ **Morning, T**_ _ **'Soni private residence, Thrassican Republic, Thessia**_

Liara had made another call the previous evening and she replayed the conversation through her mind as she walked to medical centre and Shepard's room.

" _Why did you hide how badly Shepard had been affected from me Lady Nara? You joined with her so you much have seen her pain?"_

" _Liara, you have barely been back with us for three days… you need to regain your own strength before…"_

" _I do wish people would stop treating me as if I were a child or worse… that I am weak,"_ Liara was angry during the call but much more from fear for Shepard's emotional state than how others perceived her.

" _She will recover Liara, if she allows herself to get the help she needs."_

" _What can I do to reach her?"_

Liara had reached the door to Shepard's room and thoughts of her conversation faded away. She looked in and the bright morning sun was shining onto the bed in shafts of dancing, mote filled light.

"Hey," Shepard said softly with a nod as Liara entered the room.

Liara moved to the side of the bed and kissed her bondmate on the forehead, "I have just spoken with your Doctors and they say you can get up and move around a little. So, I have brought you some clothes," she placed the t-shirt and sweat pants on the bottom of the bed.

Shepard tried to muster a smile, "I might need some help."

For the next few minutes Liara helped Shepard get dressed. Liara fought back tears seeing how ravaged her lover's body was. Shepard had lost a lot of muscle and the new scars from both the explosion and the operation were even more accentuated by the red glow from the cybernetic nanites that were aiding her lovers' recovery.

Liara knelt in front of Shepard to help her on with soft running shoes and glanced up to look into her bondmate's face.

The usually vibrant green eyes looked dull and unfocused and Shepard's actions getting dressed had been almost mechanical.

Just as Liara was about to stand up Shepard seemed to come back from wherever her mind had taken her and searched Liara's face, "I'm lost Lee and I…"

At that precise moment someone came into the room and Shepard lapsed once more into silence.

"I've brought the hover-chair Lady Liara," it was one of the medical team and Liara schooled her features to hide her frustration.

"Thank you, I can manage from here," as Liara spoke she stood and stepped back waiting for Shepard to move.

After some protestations from Shepard about using the hover-chair Liara managed to get her to agree to use it just until they were out in the open. They left the house in silence heading for the formal gardens.

The sunshine was so bright Shepard was grateful for the baseball cap and pulled it lower over her eyes. The newly replaced cloned eye was still covered with a dressing and felt vulnerable.

They had only moved a little way along one of the central paths that dissected the huge area at the rear of the house when Shepard stopped the chair and stood up.

"I need to walk," Shepard said gruffly readying for the argument she expected from Liara.

"Of course my love," Liara said softly moving to fall into step alongside her bondmate.

Liara felt the silence between them keenly, it was as heavy and oppressive as the heat and knowing the weather as she did it meant there was a storm coming.

' _What will I do if we cannot weather this storm between us',_ Liara thought miserably.

Shepard was moving much more slowly than her usual pace which was to be expected but Liara also noticed her lovers' hands balled into fists so hard her knuckles were white, and her jaw set so tight Liara could see the muscles twitching.

Normally they would reach to hold each other's hand or link arms, have some form of physical contact without even consciously thinking about it, but Liara felt the emotional distance between them as a physical chasm she could not reach across.

When they reached a raised pool, one of many that punctuated the main paths running through the gardens, Shepard stopped and lifted a handful of the cool, clear water to the back of her neck.

Leaning forward her hands resting on the edge of the pristine white stone Shepard stared into the unexpected depth, "One of the natural springs," it was an observation and not a question.

As Shepard looked past the surface reflection she had the sensation of being pulled down under the surface then an instant later she was trapped and unable to catch her breath panic flooding her mind.

Shepard's body responded physically to the remember trauma and her breath became ragged, a cold sweat forming on her brow, suddenly she was in space gasping her last breath.

Shepard started at the touch of a hand on her forearm and her mind was back in the garden; the sound of birdsong, the scent of summer on the warm air and sunlight glinting off the still surface of the pool.

Liara wanted to reach out and hold her bondmate, wanted to ease her obvious suffering but stood frozen to the spot not even knowing what to say.

Shepard stood upright and moved back from the pond and Liara knew what she had to do, "let us carry on with our walk, this way."

Liara indicated one of the side paths and they began walking again. This new path was flanked by tall purple leaved trees throwing welcome shade on the grass path between the rows and that ran in a straight line into the distance.

Liara stopped and spoke softly, "Do you remember the last time we were here?"

Shepard looked at Liara and then at her surroundings as if seeing them for the first time. Looking back at Liara she was still trying to understand what Liara was asking but then a memory came back to her.

White blossom on the trees falling like snow, her son testing his unruly toddling legs, the look of love and desire in Liara's eyes.

A wave of emotion threatened to overwhelm her and as she had been doing since being pulled from the rubble on Illium she turned the emotion into anger.

"Why the hell did you think bringing me here would be a good idea Liara," Shepard heard the cold edge to her voice but felt far away.

Liara was stung by Shepard's reaction but took a deep breath and reached for her bondmate's hands and was relieved that Shepard let her hold them.

"I need to show you what happened," Liara's voice began to falter, uncertainty nagging at the corners of her mind. Was this really a good idea? She hadn't had time to talk it through with anyone.

Shepard looked confused, "show me what," and then understanding dawned, "no… no I can't…" She let go of Liara's hands and turned away.

There was no way she would share her mind with Liara, not yet. Liara would see, would know how Shepard had failed her and their son.

Liara felt as if a cold hand had closed around her heart. Shepard had never refused to join her consciousness with Liara before. As bondmate's it was acceptable to join without even asking in Asari society.

"Shepard, please," Liara's voice cracked with emotion and tears streamed down her cheeks.

Shepard heard the pain in her lover's voice and turned back. Seeing the tears something shifted inside her and she moved quickly to stand close to Liara reaching out to gently brush away the tears.

"I'm lost in the darkness Lee," her voice almost a whisper, "I don't know how to get back…"

Liara reached for Shepard's hands and before her courage failed her she said with as much confidence as she could find, "then let me lead you back, trust me my love, embrace eternity."

Shepard felt herself being pulled into a joining of her consciousness and Liara's. The gardens faded away and then she was standing in the apartment on Illium next to Liara.

"A memory," Shepard said or thought she wasn't sure which.

She felt Liara's anger, fear, pain and grief through the bond and was almost overwhelmed by the surge of powerful emotions but before she could decide to do anything the events began to play out.

Shiala's trickery, so fast that Liara had no time to react. When Kai Leng appeared Shepard felt all the rage she was holding multiply as she watched him kill Jamie without hesitation as if her cousin was nothing more than an insect.

Her son's cries, Liara's grief and helplessness a perfect reflection of Shepard's own feelings. The feelings she'd locked away. The final moment before the memory faded away filled with her son's fear.

The join faded away. Standing in the warm Thessian summer air Shepard and Liara stood holding hands and looking into each other's eyes. They saw their own pain reflected back. Shepard felt the earth shifting beneath her as a storm of emotion took hold, she had no idea what to do with the sadness, the emptiness where her mother, her son and Jamie used to be.

Shepard started shaking as deep body racking sobs escaped her body and Liara pulled her into a tight embrace.

Liara had no idea how long she had been holding her bondmate as Shepard let the pain she had been blocking flood her mind. At some point they had sat down on the warm grass, but Shepard remained leaning into Liara who kept her arms tightly wrapped around her vulnerable lover.

"It's all my fault," Shepard said quietly her face resting against Liara's chest.

Liara gave her lover a squeeze, "no my love you must not think like that, if anyone is to blame it is…"

Before Liara could finish Shepard pulled away so she could look into the tear stained and grief stricken face of her bondmate, "No, never say that Lee, don't even think it."

Moving her position Shepard held Liara's eyes, "I taunted Harper, threatened him, defied him. And for some reason didn't give a second thought to what he might try to do… I was over confident, reckless and I put you, our son and everyone else close to me in the firing line."

"You could say the same of me. All the resources of the Shadow Broker at my disposal and all I know of Cerberus and I too failed to look hard enough for the threat," Liara dropped her eyes to the ground and her voice was heavy with emotion as she continued, "but you were right when you said I let Shiala past our defences… everyone told me she was dangerous and I did not listen."

Shepard could sense Liara's guilt and the pain that stemmed from it, her bondmate looked and sounded completely miserable. Lifting Liara's chin with her fingers so that they were once again looking into each other's eyes Shepard said, "No Lee, you were loyal and compassionate to someone who had been prepared to give their life to save you. None of us knew how devious she'd been and to be honest my feeling's and I suspect Aria's as well were driven more by jealousy than any actual evidence that Shiala wanted to hurt you."

Shepard pulled her miserable looking lover into a strong embrace and then said gently, "where is she babe?"

Liara shuddered and knew she had to tell Shepard all of it and what she had to do to get her chance of escape. Show Shepard how her body and mind had betrayed her when she responded to Shiala's attempts at a sexual meld and how she had destroyed the older Asari's mind before killing her.

"I will show you," Liara said her voice breaking with emotion.

Shepard nodded and Liara showed her everything. As with the shared memory of what happened on Illium Liara felt Shepard's murderous rage when she saw Shiala which only intensified when Shiala laid hands on Liara.

Liara pulled them out of the meld just after she had disposed of Shiala's body and said in an almost inaudible whisper, "I murdered her Shepard, I lost all control…"

Shepard rubbed Liara's back in a comforting movement, "hey it's ok, what she did to you, to our son, you have nothing to reproach yourself for."

But Shepard knew that was not who her bondmate was. She would kill in battle of course, in defence of those who stood with her or to achieve an objective yes, but not in cold blood.

No, that was how Shepard behaved, the butcher to Torfan, murderer of prisoners, setting herself as judge and executioner. Shepard pushed away those thoughts and focused back on her bondmate.

Liara pushed away a little so she could look into Shepard's eyes, "but I am not sorry she is dead, Shepard, I think I would do it again if she was standing in front of me… I am afraid that I am that other version of myself and I cannot control her."

"We all have a dark side Lee," Shepard sighed knowing how trite and banal her words sounded and tried again, "that version of you is part of your personality taken to an extreme, without the brakes of all the other stuff… your compassion, your trust, a strength that comes from love and not hate."

Shepard felt the rush of exhaustion she had been holding back finally overtake her and she rested her forehead on Liara's.

"I must get you back to the house my love I have exhausted you," Liara said as she stood up and helped Shepard to her feet.

"No, I'll be ok in a minute."

"We are returning to the house and you will have some food then rest and no arguments."

Liara sounded much more like her usual self so Shepard didn't argue, although she wasn't sure she could have argued even if she wanted to.


	6. Chapter 6

_**The Beach**_

Aria couldn't remember what she was doing on the beach or where she was going. Looking around at the tall cliffs there didn't seem to be any way off the wide expanse of white sand on the landward side as far as her eyes could see. Turning her gaze out past the water's edge the horizon was clear and the deep azure of the ocean with its softly shifting surface only disrupted with occasional small white crests.

The sky was clear and a shade of blue that reminded her of somewhere she couldn't name. It was hot, the dry heat of a Thessian summer, but she didn't think this was her home planet. Overhead sea birds of some description wheeled and soared throwing out an occasional screech.

Her familiar leathers were uncomfortable in the heat and she thought briefly of stripping them off.

"I would very much enjoy seeing you strip Aria."

Aria spun around biotics flaring, the voice behind her was as familiar as her own, but it couldn't be true and she had been completely alone on the vast expanse of the beach only a moment ago.

"This is another dream… fuck… why is this happening," Aria let her biotics fade but her balled fists and scowl reinforced the tone of anger in her voice.

Benezia moved forward and raised a hand to Aria's face cupping a cheek, "if this is just a dream then let it be one and let us have time together," Benezia's voice was soft but as she continued her voice broke with emotion, "please Aria let me hold you, touch you, I have missed you so much."

Aria softened her face and reached for Benezia's hips with her hands, "so this is only a dream," her voice was soft as she locked eyes with the other Matriarch.

"I am here to try to wake you and the others but Goddess forgive me I just need to be with you Aria," Benezia leaned close, so close Aria could feel breath on her lips.

Aria pulled Benezia into her body placing one hand on her lover's butt and another to the soft sensitive folds at the back of Benezia's head. Then Aria crashed their lips together and pulled them into a meld.

The need, desire and raw lust of the two women crashed together with the force of a hurricane and their biotics sparked creating an aura of blue and green and white around them.

Aria's mind was filled with her beloveds presence and her body burned with the need to take Benezia, possess her, make Benezia her own again, she wanted them to fuck until the stars burned out in the heavens, she never wanted Benezia out of her arms ever again.

Without knowing how they were both naked and Aria became drunk on the sight of her lover's body, she wanted to worship it, attend to every inch, take pleasure and give pleasure to every part of Benezia's familiar form.

Benezia knew exactly how to touch her, where to touch her to make Aria come or keep her on the edge of release. Aria couldn't get enough of Benezia's mouth and kissed her all through their first orgasm.

Aria had no idea how long they had been together on the sand but she didn't feel sated, the more she and Benezia climaxed the more her desire built and she knew it was the same for her lover through the meld. They both felt the growing physical soreness from bites, hard worked nipples and clits. Muscles ached from their sustained workout but this physical awareness of their lovemaking merely heightened their sensitivity.

As they were building towards what felt as if it was going to be their most potent explosion of release and pleasure Aria reached for Benezia's hand and looked from their wrists to Benezia's face.

The flash of their bonding tattoo's confused her but she pushed it to one side as she drank in the sight of Benezia writhing under her in pleasure, wet and warm, willing and wanting.

Through the meld Aria felt her own desire reflected back and knew Benezia wanted the same thing.

"We will make another daughter," Aria said out loud her throat tight, breath coming in gasps, her voice gruff with need.

Benezia smiled and pulled Aria even deeper into the meld, _'you gave me everything I wanted… we should have had our lifetime my love… keep them safe…'_ she sounded breathless and Aria didn't know whether the words were spoken out loud or through the bond.

They were close to climax and just as the first surges of pleasure and release hit Aria she pushed away the confusion caused by Benezia's words. The orgasm ripped through their bodies and Aria let out a guttural cry, she heard another scream of ecstasy but it wasn't Benezia's voice.

Even before the spasms had finished rolling through her body she opened her eyes no longer on the beach but in her bed with Ne'aira beneath her flushed with arousal the flood of her own orgasm still coursing through her body.

Aria felt the matron's legs wrapped around her and the heat and wetness between Ne'aira's thighs a reflection of her own.

Confusion flooded Aria's mind as she pulled away from the younger Asari who was coming back to herself and looked at Aria with concern.

"Aria that was… it's ok… it's what I wanted…" Ne'aira faltered not really knowing how to put what had just happened.

Ne'aira had been asleep when Aria began making love to her, and yes that was how it had felt this time. It was also mind blowing sex like they had never had before although Ne'aira didn't feel in control of herself, rather that she was being drawn along with Aria's passion.

Ne'aira wondered if Aria was ever going to stop, not that she was complaining. And when she felt Aria deepen the meld and the call from Aria for a daughter she was disappointed that it had not happened and for some reason Aria had pulled back.

But now Aria was out of bed and making for the bathroom Ne'aira missed the Matriarch's presence in her mind. She laid back and tried to work through the sensations, the memory of the joining and the strong impression that there was another consciousness in the meld, although that was impossible.

She would have to visit the Consort to make sense of the confusion. But Ne'aira couldn't help allowing a smile to trace her lips feeling she had finally made a real connection with Aria and knew how much that would please the Consort.

 _ **T**_ _ **'Soni private residence -, guest wing- Thessia**_

Tash felt warm and comfortable as she stretched her body and took a deep relaxing breath. Still half asleep she realised she was alone in the bed and began to force her eyes open and her brain to focus.

"Leece," she said in a half whisper.

"I'm here," Liselle's voice came back from somewhere in the direction of the window.

Tash sat up in bed and for the first time heard the sound of rain through the open balcony windows.

"Is that rain," she said still a little sleepily.

Liselle laughed softly as she responded, "nothing gets past you does it my beautiful human."

Before Tash had a chance to respond Liselle had moved back to the bed and reached out her hands, "let's go outside, it's warm and this rain won't last long… I love summer rain on Thessia."

Tash took Liselle's hands and allowed herself to be pulled onto her feet as she spoke, "seriously, babe it's the middle of the night… or really early in the morning and…"

Liselle silenced Tash with a long, soft kiss as she pressed her naked body against her lover. They both revelled in the flash of heat and connection that so easily sparked to life between them.

Breaking the kiss and pulling back a little Liselle steadied her breathing and then said quietly, "I want to walk in the summer rain with you, kiss you," she reached up and ran her fingers through Tash's unruly hair, "we don't know when… if we'll get back to Thessia and…"

Tash spoke into her lover's unfinished thought, "whatever you need Leece you know that," she leaned in and kissed her young Asari gently then stepped away to throw on some clothes.

They moved silently through the sleeping house and onto the wide stone patio's that ran along the length of the rear of the house and bridging inside space to the lush formal gardens.

"Wow it's like having a warm shower but sexier," Tash said with a huge grin admiring her lover, "that vest is clinging in all the right places."

"One track mind," Liselle said with a smile and a small shake of the head, "come on I want to take you somewhere."

Holding hands and lacing their fingers together the couple walked slowly out across the grounds in the direction of the woods that flanked one side of the formal gardens and ran all the way to the edge of the beach. As they walked they talked about Liselle's most favourite memory of rain storms, about Tash's happy memories of her times on Earth with Shepard and the family.

As they walked Tash put her arm around Liselle as she usually did and Liselle leaned in and snaked her own arm around her lover's waist. The stopped occasionally and kissed and smiled at each other, completely in the moment.

"You know as casual as you're making this I sense we're on a mission," Tash said into what had been a stretch of companionable silence.

Liselle tensed a little then said quietly, "you know me far to well Mikhailovich, I might have to do my commando thing on you if you ever reveal my secrets," she looked up into her lover's steady grey eyes and smiled.

They were amongst the trees now but the moonlight was strong enough to find their way easily and as they came into a small clearing Liselle stopped and turned to face Tash.

"At home, where I grew up, we had woods just like these but we lived much further from the sea. So as soon as I was big enough I started to climb them. I wanted to get a view of the sea, after a while I stopped looking out towards the sea and looked up. Started to imagine what it was like out there," Liselle looked up as she spoke and gestured with her hand towards the night sky.

Tash was watching her intensely and they moved closer towards each other as Liselle continued, "I dreamed about the adventures I'd have, the places I'd see, the fun…" she put her arms around Tash's neck and pulled them close.

"I never thought about whether I would find love, if my mate would be waiting for me out there," Liselle spoke softly looking into Tash's eyes, "but I did… I found you. And I don't care that I'm still a maiden I know how I feel… about you," Liselle said a fierce look in her eyes.

Tash was spellbound by the moment, the warm rain more like a fine mist bathing them both in its warmth and intimacy, the gentle sound as the drops bounced off the leaves and the grass, and more than anything the look of such love in Liselle's eyes.

"When you said losing your aunt Hannah felt like you'd lost what was left of your family, apart from Shepard, that you didn't feel you belonged anywhere anymore… except with me," Liselle stroked Tash's face as she continued in a whisper, "I feel the same way… I belong with you Tash, you are my home… my bondmate… will you bond with me Tasha."

Tash felt tears spring to her eyes and her throat tighten with emotion as she fought to find words but nothing came, all she could do was nod her head and a few moments later managed, "yes… but…"

Liselle stopped her lover's words with a kiss. She knew Tasha well enough to understand her lover would be racked with feelings of doubt about her own worth and that she wouldn't deserve what Liselle was offering.

But Liselle knew how she felt about the human and knew without doubt how much Tasha loved her, was devoted to her. Perhaps if the world wasn't ending Liselle wouldn't be making this huge decision and commitment. But the world was ending, her own life expectancy was low even without the coming war and as the Siari teachings said _'in this moment is a lifetime, with this mate have a lifetime, all the time we have with those we love is a lifetime'._

Breaking apart from their kiss Liselle said in a teasing tone, "you think you might regain the power of speech and let me know just how amazing you feel considering you caught the most sought-after maiden on Omega."

Liselle warmed inside as a huge grin spread across her lover's face, "you chose me."

"I choose you," Liselle responded and pulled Tasha into a long, love filled kiss.

"When, I mean how. Isn't it frowned on with you being so young?"

"Yeah, a lot of temples just won't offer the rights to maiden's," Liselle pulled back a little in their embrace so that she could look into her lover's eyes, "I don't want a big ceremony, I was thinking we'd just sort of do it in secret. Not because I'm not proud of us."

Her last words were etched with defiance and brought another smile to Tash's lips, "how else would we do it, we're not conventional in any other part of our lives. When were you…,"

"Now," Liselle pulled away from her lover who was looking puzzled, "I know a priestess."

"Let's do this," Tash said after taking a deep steadying breath and matching Liselles' wide grin.

A little while later they were approaching the T'Soni temple buildings and about to walk up the wide cream stone steps when Tash stopped suddenly.

"What is it honey," Liselle turned and reached a hand to cup her lover's cheek.

"The ceremony… it needs a meld, a joining. I don't want you to… will it upset you that you can't…"

Liselle felt such a wave of feelings for this human who knew her so well and understood that the loss of her ability to join with another was devastating because it was so central to being Asari and therefore Liselles' own identity.

"I need to do this Tasha, one last time on my terms and with the only soul in the Galaxy I want to join with. I want to do this with you, for you, but most of all for me."

That settled the issue for Tash as with one quick nod of her head she took one of Liselle's hands and they continued up the steps and into the temple.

They waited in the large entrance hall. As was usual with Asari architecture the lighting seemed to be part of the creamy white stone walls so despite the lateness of the hour the wall decorations and statues were beautifully lit.

"Captain T'Loak," a voice caused them both to turn towards one of the corridors that radiated out from the hall, "this is an unusual time to visit the Temple," the priestess offered Siari greetings to both Liselle and Tash.

"The universe never truly sleeps Priestess Cofare," Liselle said returning the greeting, "but you know why I'm here, and I knew you had duties in the Temple tonight."

"I did ask you to consider your decision, Liselle, and I thought perhaps you would have allowed more than day to process such a…"

Liselle cut across the Priestess in a firm tone, "With respect I have given my decision more than a day's thought and I know this is the path I need to walk."

With a slight nod of her head the Priestess spoke as she began walking back the way she came, "then you had best come with me to the Temple where preparations have been made."

They walked in silence along the corridor and Tash knew they were leaving the main building and heading towards the formal Temple which was older than most of the buildings on the estate. It was older than most of the buildings on Thessia, the Asari built their Temples to last.

As Tash walked through the open double doors and into the Temple itself she such felt a rush of peace fill her mind that her breath caught in her chest. The she felt other emotions like joy and love wrap around her and turned to find Liselle watching with a smile lighting her face.

"They are performing Sar'harma," Liselle gestured to the twenty or so Asari sitting towards the front of the space perfectly still their eyes black in a joint meld.

Tash vaguely remembered something about one of the many Asari meditation rituals that were used to create psychic energy fields but as the thought arose, so it passed as she just leaned into Liselle and the peace she was feeling.

From the gallery that ran across the back wall of the Temple High Priestess El'Estrene watched as the young Asari and her Human lover walked towards the front of the Temple where the biotic fires burned behind the high alter.

"You didn't doubt she would go through with for a moment did you," Matriarch T'Joan moved a little further forward to join Nara El'Estrene.

"Of course not, she is certainly her Asams' daughter and you know this is exactly what Benezia did right at the beginning with Aria."

"Do you think that was their undoing? Why Benezia and Aria never let go, because they bonded at such a young age,"

The sound of singing drifted up from the service below as the two young lover's stood facing the Priestess in front of the alter.

El'Estrene looked at her friend and said with a sad smile, "they were connected even before they met. If you had been there Seninnth you would have seen it as clearly as anyone with senses could see it. The charge between them… it was almost visible in the air between them," she turned back to look at the scene below."

"Liara and Shepard have as strong a connection as any I've seen," Matriarch T'Joan stepped away from the balcony further into the shadows not wanting to intrude on the ceremony.

"Yes, and it has such a resonance of that bond between Benezia and Aria… it troubles me, but I cannot get to the reason why," El'Estrene focused herself then and joined the group meld adding her mind to the bonding connection.

On the Priestess's instruction Tash and Liselle turned to face each other and grasped each other's right forearm with their hands in a warrior's greeting so that their wrists were aligned.

Vibrant flashing violet blue eyes looking into warm steady grey ones and Tash felt the tingle of the biotic tattoo wrap itself around her wrist. Then she felt the familiar sensation of another mind gently brushing her own. An instant later she was no longer standing in the Temple but on some other plain surrounded by stars and a bright light on a faraway horizon.

Without words, without conscious thought Tash pulled Liselle into all the spaces in her soul, her mind, and her heart that belonged to her Asari lover. She felt Liselle do the same to her and they could not tell where one ended and the other began.

They told each other everything they needed to know, showed each other a lifetime of secrets, memories, joy's, heartache, hopes and fears. All wrapped in belonging and a connection so strong they knew it would withstand anything including death.

Holding each other in their minds and touching each other's souls, they would forever be one, have a part of the other's soul.

Words drifted gently into their minds, they needed to part now, but they were bonded in love and would always be able to find peace, belonging, contentment because they were joined across more than time and space.

Tash looked at the horizon and the light, a huge burning sol was growing brighter and brighter and its light was filling the darkness and blocking out the stars. She felt the floor under her feet once again and when she opened her eyes Liselle's were still closed, tears were staining her cheeks.

"Hey beautiful," Tash said pulling Liselle into an embrace, "are you ok?"

Liselle didn't reply but nodded her head a couple of times into Tash's neck.

"You are welcome to stay as long as you like," Priestess Cofare said softly indicating some seats off to one side.

Tash nodded her thanks and as they moved Liselle spoke quietly, "I'm not upset because of us you know… it was just… Goddess Tasha I miss being so close to you."

"I know, it's ok babe," they were sitting down now but Tash still wrapped Liselle in her arms, "if I'd just been quicker, or gone with you or…"

Liselle sat up straight and looked at her lover, "none of this was your fault Tasha, you saved my life…," she smiled then, "enough about what's lost, you can't get away from me now Mikhailovich we are bonded." And she brought up her wrist to show Tash the dancing bonding tattoo that circled her wrist.

Tash brought her own wrist up and saw how they were both the same and also an extension of each, "that is pretty cool," she said a grin lighting up her own face.

On the balcony High Priestess El'Estrene brought herself back from the meld and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"We will see many more maidens seeking to make early bonding's once the war starts," Seninnth T'Joan said from behind her, "it was the same in the Krogan wars."

"Yes, the coming of death does tend to focus the soul on what is most important," Nara El'Estrene knew that death was coming, not just death but an end to everything and she had no idea how Shepard was supposed to stop it.

 _ **T**_ _ **'Soni private residence - Thessia**_

After another day and night in the medical centre receiving treatment Shepard was ready to be released on strict instructions from both Doctor Chakwas and Miranda Lawson that she was to start her rehabilitation with only light exercise.

Shepard and Liara had not continued the conversation from their walk but it had cleared the air enough for them both to feel the comfort of their relationship filling the emptiness and softening the hard edges that had been between them.

"You look worn out Lee," Shepard said as they left the medical centre. Liara had brought Shepard a fresh set of clothes and they were on their way to have breakfast.

"I am perfectly fine my love," Liara said with a smile as she tucked herself into Shepard's body under her lover's arm which wrapped around the young Asari's shoulder.

"Do I need to go ask Lady Nara what you're supposed to be doing to heal or are you going to save me the journey," Shepard's voice was tender.

They reached the main staircase as Liara answered with a heavy sigh, "I am not allowed to work more than four hours a day and must take frequent rests. They are monitoring me daily for any further side effects from the collar."

Shepard stopped and turned Liara to face her, "what do you mean further side effects, what did that bitch and Cerberus do?" Shepard's voice was soft but held an edge of anger.

"Headaches, a little dizziness, some blurred vision with the headaches," Liara looked up at Shepard and felt the strong connection between them, "the symptoms will fade… our daughter is unharmed but we must find our son Shepard… you must bring him home."

Liara had been holding back all the pain and fear about her son but now standing with a recovering Shepard she could hold it to herself no longer.

"I could not protect him Shepard… I need you to make this right."

Shepard pulled Liara into an embrace and felt her lover's deep sighs turn into soft sobs.

"I didn't protect you and our children Lee, it was my job, I'm the one who failed," Shepard whispered in a soothing tone then pre-empted Liara's protestations, "no… no babe this is on me, all of it."

They stood in silence for a few moments and Shepard tried to put all her love into holding Liara, wanted to make the circle of her arms a place of comfort and safety for her bondmate and their daughter.

"I won't let anything happen to you ever again Lee, I can't… I'm not me without you… nothing makes sense…" Shepard pulled back a little so she could look into Liara's face, "I don't know who I'm supposed to be without the strength of your love."

Shepard kissed Liara's forehead as she continued to hold her tight but a sound from the bottom of the stairs drew her attention.

"I am sorry to disturb you," Matriarch T'Joan began walking up the stairs towards the couple as she spoke, "but there is an urgent call from Larissa, it is Councillor Tevos."

The older Asari and head of Liara's private household stopped and then spoke hesitantly directly to Liara, "and Aria has requested that she speak to you at your earliest convenience."

Shepard felt Liara stiffen as even though they had parted they still stood close.

"I will take the call from Councillor Tevos in my private office," Liara began walking back the way they had come towards their private quarters, "Aria will need to wait."

While they waited for the call from Tevos to be connected Shepard called for breakfast to be brought up and insisted that Liara sit on one of the more comfortable chairs in the office.

"I feel much better my love you do not need to worry," Liara said with a smile as she moved to accept the call, "Councillor Tevos how can I help you?"

Chandra Tevos appeared on the vid screen and smiled, "It is so good to see you back, both of you, and I am sorry that this is not a social call. I am afraid matters are time sensitive otherwise I would not be disturbing you so soon and while you are recovering from your ordeal."

"It is kind of you to be concerned Chandra but we are all aware that time is something we may not have much of before the coming storm," Liara was grateful to feel Shepard move closer. Despite her show of confidence Liara didn't feel as if she was ready to jump straight back into politics or Republic business.

"With everything else that has happened I'm not sure if you are both aware of the handful of other assassination's that occurred around the same time as the attack on the Systems Alliance and your kidnapping," Tevos threw some pictures up on the screen and Shepard felt Liara's sharp intake of breath.

We have no concrete proof that all these incidents were linked. However, our analysis would point towards an attempt at remove leaders from Council races who support close cooperation. And that these leaders were all members of our Shadow Council was either luck or our activity has been noticed."

There was silence in the room as Liara and Shepard looked at the faces of three of their closest allies. Together they read the short news reports that also accompanied the images.

'Matriarch B'Leana head of one of the one hundred first families and Thessia's highest level of leadership the T'Ara was killed in a shuttle crash on the Citadel. She was the leader of the Paranosos Republic and one of the most influential Asari in Council space. It is rumoured that she recently started guiding her Republic into investing heavily in joint projects with other Council races for increased security and the relief of poverty in the Terminus system.'

'Dalatrass Esheel a prominent member of the Salarian Union and head of one of the largest Salarian owned genetics and bio engineering companies was killed in an explosion during an inspection of one of the Companies factories on Noveria. The Dalatrass's loss will be keenly felt and her family are in deep mourning while they seek her replacement.

'Primark Quentius of the Aethon Cluster, who was third in line to be the Primark of Palavan and therefore the leader of the Turian Hierarchy, is reported to have been assassinated by Turian rebels while on a visit to one of the Turian forces frontier posts. The incident has been deemed highly classified so further information is limited. He will have a full military funeral on Palavan where he will be posthumously awarded the Shield of Service.

"There was also an attempt on Alexia's life but after her experience with those Batarian slavers," Councillor Tevos's usual calm composure slipped slightly as she spoke about her bondmate and daughters kidnap the previous year, "her security is as high as my own."

Shepard spoke into the silence, her tone sombre, "I missed this Chandra, I have a vague recollection of seeing a report about unusual activity, deaths, that might be linked to what happened on Arcturus… but… I was so focused on hunting down Cerberus…" her thoughts went once again to the nightmare that had been the aftermath of the bombing of the Systems Alliance government and military leadership.

"You did what you had to do Shepard and we all know how injured you were, your personal grief, but you stopped the coup. Restored order, we could not rebuild our alliance without that foundation," Chandra Tevos was acutely aware of how close they had come to losing the Systems Alliance to forces hostile to Thessia and the rest of the Council races.

Liara slipped her hand into Shepard's sensing her bondmate's grief and regret and asked the older Asari, "so are you saying this was all the work of Cerberus?"

"The targets are too widespread to find any other common link. But we are completely in the dark when it comes to Cerberus. For obvious reasons none of the usual Council intelligence gathering works, only Humans can infiltrate the organisation and from what I understand even that gives limited access to information."

"Cerberus operates like the Terrorist organisation it is when it comes to its black ops cells or better described as sections. They can be small with just two or three carefully chosen and groomed assassins or whole research stations but they are all isolated from each other and organised through a very tight command structure that always leads directly to Harper," Shepard paused and took a deep breath, "its also almost impossible to break any of their operatives if we do capture them. The organisation has tentacles into all areas of Earth and Systems government so our prisoners are either protected and end up free or they die in custody."

"They are not immune to being tracked by other means, I will focus more resources on following their credits and any communications between known or suspected members or sympathisers," Liara said knowing she had already put plans in place across her Broker network to do just that, "and Shepard has wrought havoc on a huge area of their operations destroying multiple bases and supply lines."

"It wasn't enough," Shepard said in a flat tone.

"Given the impact of our losses and the loss of time while we were in some disarray I have taken responsibility for calling a Shadow Council meeting," Chandra Tevos paused and received nods from Liara and Shepard, "we can meet this evening at 21:00, Thessia time."

"Thank you Councillor Tevos we will be in attendance," Liara returned the parting blessing and ended the call.

Liara moved to stand facing Shepard her hand reaching out to brush her lovers cheek, "you must find some time to rest today my love. You are meant to be taking your recovery slowly."

Shepard grinned and covered Liara's hand with her own then placed a kiss in the soft blue palm, "my thoughts exactly but about you, now where is our breakfast."

 _ **Liara**_ _ **'s private study – late morning**_

Liara looked out over the grounds to the horizon, one hand reflectively on her stomach the other holding a data pad. She was trying to calm her mind but that was proving difficult given she was waiting for her father to arrive. The last time they were in the same room Liara had ended the huge argument between them by telling Aria to leave and not bother coming back.

A knock on the door brought her back to the present and she turned, "come in," pleased that her voice did not betray her jangled nerves.

"Liara we need to talk about what you experienced on that research station…" Aria moved past Liara's assistant who had escorted her and in a burst of energy stood in front of her daughter, "the experience you had of Benezia, your mother."

"I know who my mother is Aria and I believe the last time we spoke I told you I did not want to see you again until you were ready to apologise to me about what…"

Aria cut across her daughters' protestations, "Liara there is no time for this nonsense. I was right about Shepard putting her own agenda and loyalty to the human government over and above looking for you. And she would never have found you chasing across the Galaxy after Cerberus…"

Liara turned back towards the window as the overwhelming sense of grief over her son brought tears to her eyes and a weariness that made arguing with Aria feel both futile and a waste of time, "they have my son, Aria," she said softly the catch in her voice evident.

Aria felt the words as cold fist around her heart. Cerberus had also been the ones to put a control collar around her daughters' throat. They had done that to her blood, her beloved Benezia's daughter. Her own rage, grief and unbearable sense of impotence had destroyed any perspective she would usually have had on the situation. The sharp realisation that what Liara had said during their argument was not only accurate but more critically, when Aria pushed away her rage, she knew to be true. Shepard would go to the ends of space and time for Liara very much as she would do for Benezia.

The tall Matriarch moved towards her daughter and pulled her gently around and into a strong embrace and felt a small amount of relief when Liara wound her arms around Aria's waist.

"I'm sorry little wing… you are right and I will talk to Shepard. We will find him and bring him home whatever it takes, "Aria spoke softly and kissed the top of Liara's head as she gently drew circles with her fingers on her daughters back which for Asari was a comforting gesture.

"Do you mean that Rasam… I do not think I have the strength for fighting… and Shepard is not fit yet and I know she will… leave again before she is healed… to find him… and hunt Cerberus… for what they did," Liara said in between sobs.

"Of course I mean it, little wing, we'll work together and I'll make sure nothing happens to her," in reality Aria had no idea how she could do anything to protect Shepard or stop the human walk into the teeth of a storm. But she finally understood how much the human meant to her daughter, "come and sit down with me and we'll order some tea."

A little while later after more comforting and tea Aria broached the subject she had originally come to talk to her daughter about.

"You said something when we found you Liara, something about Benezia having been there with you," Aria was sitting on the sofa turned to face her daughter, "would you share the memory with me?"

Liara was a little taken aback, "I… yes… but I am not… I will need to show you how… when…"

Aria reached across for her daughters' hand, "you can never show my anything of yourself that I will not love and be proud of Liara."

With a nod Liara gave permission to her father to open up a joining of their minds and Liara guided her to the beginning of the memories where she had obviously reached out to her mother's memory for comfort.

As Aria witnessed Liara tricking Shiala into releasing her from the control collar and then Shiala's death. Waking up in bed with Benezia sitting with her, the sense of someone on the station, the idea or suggestion about rigging up a distress signal, Liara shared the whole sequence until she could remember no more until waking up back safe at home.

Aria was highly skilled in joining her consciousness to another being and her mental power was strong enough to destroy someone's mind, as she had done with Vasir, but her daughter had not had the training nor was her force of will strong enough to carry out the what had happened to Shiala. Liara's biotic fist had merely pinned the woman in place while her mind was reaved in a way only a Matriarch with extensive training could do. The act had been elegant, cold, personal.

"And you don't remember much about how Shiala died," Aria said gently after the meld was broken.

"No, it was as if I was just watching but I could feel my hate and rage at her for her betrayal."

"How do you feel about her now?"

"That is a strange question Rasam, I… hate her for nearly killing Shepard and giving my son to Cerberus… for bringing those murderers into my home and killing Jamie."

"Do you feel betrayed by her?"

"Perhaps a little. But she had become unstable after being held prisoner of the Shadow Broker and I did not see that. I did not listen to Shepard," Liara glanced guiltily at her father, "and others who told me she was dangerous."

"Tell me once more what Benezia said to you," Aria had seen what Liara saw but wanted to hear it one more time.

"She said _'you did what you had to do little wing you have nothing to be ashamed of. I came as soon as I could to help. Now you need to send a message so you can be found. Everyone is looking for you, Rasam will come for you.'_ Why?" Liara said sitting up realising this was something more that Aria just wanting to find out how deluded she had been that she had conjured up her mother to help her survive.

Aria was deep in thought, "I came as soon as I could to help… that's a very specific and odd thing to imagine don't you think? I need to talk to El'Estrene about this and Shepard," Aria stood and fired up her omni tool to make the necessary calls but felt a hand on her forearm.

"What is going on Aria why do you need to talk to Shepard about my dream," Liara was confused and worried.

"Because I'm beginning to think it wasn't a dream and neither was mine," Aria saw the confusion in her daughters' eyes, "let me get Nara and Shepard to join us and I'll explain." Without further explanation Aria focused back on her communication tool.

 _ **Liara**_ _ **'s private sitting room – an hour later**_

Aria, Liara, Shepard and High Priestess Nara El'Estrene had been sitting in silence for some time. Aria had not offered any explanation about why she wanted them to share their experiences and had insisted that Shepard go through what had happened to her the night of the bonding ceremony.

When Shepard also said she had had an odd dream while presumably under anaesthetic and shared that 'dream' with everyone Aria seemed to be physically taken aback and had spent the last ten minutes asking for a detailed description of the beach.

While Shepard was irritated and a little pissed at being interrogated about a dream by Aria she was happy to play along if it meant she was helping heal the wound between the Pirate Queen and her daughter. Shepard could sense that Liara's falling out with her father had affected her deeply and after all Aria had been right and had been the one to find Liara while Shepard was chasing rage fuelled revenge.

"And you still have no memory parts of the bonding service, when you started speaking some defunct dialect of ancient Asari?" Aria's focus was laser sharp as she moved her attention to Nara.

"No, I do not. But Aria are you suggesting some kind of intrusive meld causing these… would you call them hallucinations? They would also need to take place over huge distances and we just don't have the capability to do that," Nara left the question hanging.

"It felt more real than a dream… than any dream I've ever had. I could feel every grain of sand under my hands, the smell of the ozone, the heat. And the memory hasn't faded or changed, it's like recalling a vid and even my nightmares don't work like that," Shepard spoke into the silence for the first time engaging in the discussion with interest.

"You haven't told us what your dream was Rasam?"

Aria took a deep breath and described her encounter with Benezia but kept their more personal interactions to herself.

"I sense there was more than a conversation, Aria, so if you want me to understand properly what has you so concerned you will need to share a little of what else happened," Nara leaned towards Aria and spoke softly.

"I have not allowed myself to think about Benezia for nearly one hundred years, and certainly not dreamt of her," Aria wondered how much she was willing to share in front of her daughter and Shepard. She had told Liselle almost everything about how they had met and fallen in love, that their duty to Thessia had come between them. Even her later knowledge of how the Matriarch's had manipulated them both to keep them apart because their individual work we deemed more important than their individual happiness. But Aria had shared none of this with Liara and now was not the time.

"It was not a dream Nara, it was not wish fulfilment, that is not my way you of all people should know that," Aria stood needing to change the focus in the room away from her and back to her agenda, "these are not dreams and since when does a Priestess of your experience and skill become unable to access her own consciousness for even a few minutes without having some explanation."

Liara sat on the edge of her chair still holding Shepard's hand but staring at Aria as she spoke in almost hushed tones, "are you saying Asam is still alive? She cannot be I saw her…"

Shepard folded her arm around Liara's shoulders and pulled her close to offer comfort to her increasingly upset bondmate, "Aria if you have a point perhaps you could get to it."

There was silence for a few moments and then Aria spoke with a hesitancy she was not used to feeling, "what if a part of her is still here. You said those creatures were using the essence of humans to make another of those sentient ships," Aria was looking directly at Shepard.

"How the hell do you know that, those reports were highly classified," Shepard felt anger rising but really didn't want to have another argument with Aria for Liara's sake.

Aria's lips curled into a wry smile and with raised brows said in a much more familiar sarcastic tone, "Really Shepard, you still have no idea how permeable your Alliance Systems Government is. And I feel a little insulted that you should even doubt that I would have access to information about anything that takes place in the Terminus systems."

"She was a powerful Matriarch perhaps she has just decided not to move on to her next life and by the will of Siari she has been granted leave to complete her work," Nara said into the tension.

"Really Nara I thought better of you. Please don't tell me you believe all that rubbish and daughter stories about Goddess's and the circle of fucking life," Aria was in no mood for spiritual clap trap she needed an explanation based in technology of some kind because to believe that there was, perhaps, some way for her to be with Benezia was just bullshit and she would not sign up to any form of hope. She'd lived on hope for far too much of her life already.

"We do have the essence of Siari herself locked in the biotic flame she created at the moment of her passing," Nara moved on quickly, "but as you say a more likely explanation is some form of technology or powerful mind meld."

"So, are you saying my mother is using some form of Reaper technology to reach us? Is she still indoctrinated?" Liara sounded desperate and Shepard held her a little tighter.

"Let's say these… communications for want of a better word, are coming to us from one source. What the hell is the point? My message seems to be pretty much I need to wake up, to Liara the message is help is coming, and I've no idea what your message was Aria because you obviously don't want to share it with us," Shepard finished with a sharp look in the tall Matriarch's direction.

"Benezia said she was here to wake me up as well," Aria said quietly.

"Then we need to think about how we can reach out to whoever, whatever, is trying to speak to all of you," Nara said a plan forming in her mind, "a group joining of our minds and…"

"No," Shepard said sharply making Liara jump, "not until we know if this is truly a benign presence or some Reaper sympathiser trying to manipulate us… perhaps even indoctrinate us at a distance."

"She has a point," Aria said the words but at the same time knew it had been Benezia in the dream or whatever it had been, and she did not want to believe she could be so easily manipulated.

"I do not want to think of my mother as being trapped by those things," Liara sounded close to tears and then said more angrily, "we have to do something to free her to help her find peace."

"And we will Liara, if it is Benezia and if she is trapped. For now, let's just be open to her spirit and share any further dreams that we may have," Lady Nara said gently but flashed a look at Aria to suggest the conversation was over.

The silence was acquiescence enough that the conversation was closed.

After Nara El'Estrene had left Aria sat down opposite Liara and Shepard and spoke.

"Liara, what I said about Shepard when we got you back from that mad bitch was…"

Shepard cut across Aria's words, "you were right Aria, I wouldn't listen to you or Aethyta and I was searching in the wrong place… for the wrong reasons."

"I was wrong to question your loyalty to Liara. We can all be blinded by rage and grief."

It was the first time Shepard felt acceptance of her relationship with Aria's daughter and decided to quit while she was ahead and just nodded.

"You were both trying to achieve the same thing so perhaps now we can focus all our energy on finding my son," Liara pinned both Aria and Shepard with a glare and received nods of agreement in return.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Secure comms room, Broker HQ, T**_ _ **'Soni private residence - Thessia**_

Shepard took a seat next to Liara and kissed her briefly on the cheek. They had not been alone since their morning breakfast and had parted company after the meeting with Aria and Nara El'Estrene.

"I hope you did not push yourself today," Liara noted her lover's slightly flushed appearance and damp hair.

"Following doc's orders and taking it easy," Shepard said with a grin, "you know it's pretty hot out there so I spent most of the day in the gym putting some muscle back. I'll take a run later."

Liara ran her fingers over the muscles in Shepard's upper arm, "you seem strong enough from where I am sitting."

Shepard heard the seduction in her bondmates tone and in one swift movement turned and found Liara's waiting mouth. She moaned as their tongues danced together. Her hand moving to cup one of her lovers' full breasts the other holding Liara's face.

"How much time do we have," Shepard asked in between kisses her breath quickening as Liara moved her hand inside Shepard's sweat pants.

"I have missed you… I need you now," Liara started to pull them into a sexual meld and they both jumped as the sound of an incoming call pulled them back to the moment.

Steadying their breath and moving a little further apart Shepard said quietly, with a wry smile, as the call connected, "I need you too Lee."

Around the table hard light projections of their fellow members of the shadow council swirled into being and Shepard was acutely aware of the three empty spaces. Three more reasons to hunt down Cerberus and all the other Reaper sympathisers.

Councillor Tevos took her usual role as meeting facilitator and they spent a few minutes reflecting on their lost colleagues. Then a more detailed briefing on the incidents and the evidence that pointed to Matriarch B'Lanea and Dalatress Esheel's deaths not being accidents and Primarch Quentius not having been shot by Turian rebels.

"Why have we not made this public," Liara asked to the room in general.

Hackett answered his steady tone a comfort and as reassuring as ever despite the new scaring on his face from the bomb blast on Arcturus, "we don't want to give our enemies any idea that we know they are trying to disrupt inter species cooperation. And we don't have a direct line to who organsised this but once we do we can go on the offensive. Until then we need to double our efforts in maintaining and developing joint planning."

"Yes, to this end, I have been looking at who might be a good replacement. Although Dalatress Esheel's loss is grave. And is being felt across the Salarian Union. There are considerable matters that need attending too, before a new family leader will emerge. I will speak to my own clan Dalatress. But I fear it will be some time before we have such an influential ally for our cause," Jondum Bau spoke quickly as most Salarian's did.

"I am having similar problems within the Hierarchy," General Aurelos said into the silence, "the only positive that has come from this is the renewed attention and efforts being put into the eradication of the terrorist uprising."

"But they were not responsible for killing Primarch Quentius," Liara looked confused and directed her comment at Aurelos.

"It is important that all our Governments are as stable as possible at this time. When the time comes we will need everyone to do their duty with no argument or doubt," Aurelos replied.

"I tend to agree, we have no idea if public dissent, attacks on our institutions or attempts to overthrow Governments is part of the usual pattern of political manoeuvring and game playing," Hackett paused slightly a look of distaste on his face, "or if it's a component of this pre-invasion softening up that we know is used by the Reapers."

The Fleet Admiral's words were met with nods of agreement around the table and again the group lapsed into silence.

"I'm afraid losing Matriarch B'Lanea has also been a huge blow to our cause," Alexia Irissa's tone was sombre, "as an influential member of the T'ara and head of one of Thessias' largest republics she will be difficult to replace."

"Do we still have someone on the inside of the T'ara? We all know the big decisions are made by the Matriarch's in that group," Shepard felt out of touch with the political situation across the Council races and made a decision to spend time getting full briefings from both Alliance intelligence and the Broker network as soon as possible.

"The T'ara are completely aware of the situation of course but there is still sharp disagreement about how to prepare and," Chandra Tevos showed just the slightest edge of frustration as she continued, "there are still those who say this is not what it seems. That this is an attempt by forces from within our Galaxy to upset the homeostasis we have achieved within Council space."

"Seriously…," Shepard's frustration was much less masked, "how much more evidence do they need, they had a fucking Reaper ship attack the Citadel… and I'm certain you've discovered plenty of Reaper tech over time but for some reason kept it all to yourselves."

"Thessia was instrumental in making the laws about the use and sharing of Prothean technology we are not the ones experimenting with Reaper tech," Tevos said sharply sounding more like the Council member she was, "you are in bad company Shepard as far as we know it is only Humans and Batarian's experimenting with Reaper and Prothean technology in complete contravention of Citadel laws."

"And we're doing everything we can to destroy Cerberus but you've done nothing about what's happening in Batarian space. In fact, you still accept their ambassadors…" Shepard was building up a head of steam and she realised this had the chance to derail their discussions so stopped talking as soon as Hackett spoke.

"This is not going to get us anywhere, we don't have the luxury of time in these matters. I suggest we move on to talk about what our priorities need to be and how we can achieve them."

Liara rested her hand on Shepard's thigh under the table, in a sign of support and comfort.

"Did the early warning system come online yet?" Liara asked.

"Yes, if anything is coming at us from dark space we'll get some early warning," Hackett answered and the meeting lapsed into silence.

Councillor Tevos broke the silence now fully composed after her exchange with Shepard, "I believe Spectre Bau has an update regarding what appeared to be random attacks or accidents in alpha gate systems?"

"Yes, thank you. With the data analysis provided from the work of the Normandy, we were able to add our own. And looking in more depth at debris collected from some other incidents that match the profile, you did not have this information," he looked at Liara and Shepard. "We not only identified the wreckage as Prothean, but its function appears to have been some kind of signalling system to the mass relay. I believe you were drawing the same conclusions that if activated it would interfere with the relay's function. Effectively stopping it from working."

"Is that possible? To lock down alpha relays, any relay?" General Aurelos asked.

"The Prothean were many levels of technology above even our progress collectively," Tevos went on, "but more interestingly to have started to create this system must have meant some foreknowledge of the coming invasion?"

"Or they worked on this and left if for us after the Reapers had arrived, like the back door to the Citadel," Liara said absently her mind already considering where that lost knowledge might be found.

"Well no point in looking back, we need something to shoot those pijak's out of the sky when they arrive this time," Wrex's deep rumbling tone was still evident even through the hollo projector.

"Agreed, from what we know we can't kill these things with conventional weapons, we can hurt them and take down their smaller ships… but those big capitals," Hackett left the thought hanging shaking his head slowly to emphasise his point.

"I may be able to offer some hope," Tevos seemed just a little less composed than usual and exchanged glances with Alexia Irissa, "I received a message from Matriarch B'Lanea after her death. She had made certain that this was for my eyes only and she was clear it was to be shared with the Shadow Council."

The silence in the room was palpable and some even leaned in a little, "I'm afraid it is rather cryptic and… well I will share it with you now."

Chandra Tevos hit send on her omni tool and the message pinged to all the members around the table.

" _Chandra, if you are reading this then I am dead. However it happened you and the rest of the Shadow Council need to know what I am about to tell you._

" _When all the secrets are uncovered and the lies exposed I hope the Goddess will forgive me my part. Whatever we have done, and continue to do, we do for Thessia._

" _Even now I cannot tell you everything but with your combined forces and the expertise of Liara T'Soni you will find not only the truth but also how to stop this wretched invasion._

" _The inner circle of the T'Ara knew it was coming but even then, some amongst us would not believe the archives. Although plans were made many generations ago we are out of time and our solutions are not ready. We failed. But that is not the opinion of most of the T'Ara and they would see everything crushed rather than share their shame and their secrets._

" _There is a way to defeat the AG'gara yAtudh A'na and it is buried in the Prothean archives on Mars. The other copy is much closer but not accessible to those outside the most inner core of the T'Ara._

" _Do not let the T'Ara dissuade you from your mission. I have left all my personal assets in your care to be used for the benefit of Thessia and all who would protect her._

" _The weapon, the Prothean's called it Zastradevat'A, has not been built because our scientists could not work out how to use it and a key component was never translated. It is marked in the plans as Amesha Spenta with no further explanation._

" _Save Thessia or ensure continuity of our civilisation. I pass this into your hands now."_

The silence continued long after everyone had completed reading the letter and Liara was aware of Shepard struggling with her anger.

"So the mighty Asari had a head start on all this bullshit and kept it to themselves… I should walk away now and just look out for my own people," Wrex snarled his tiny pin sharp teeth showing as he growled.

"What else has Thessia not shared with her oldest allies," General Aurelos continued, "I should take this information to the Hierarchy, this is a breach of trust and completely dishonourable."

Jondum Bau drew everyone's attention as his laughter broke into the tension, "I'm afraid you forget Aurelos we all have secrets and some of them connected to Prothean technology. Perhaps not the Krogan granted. And they have more right than most to feel aggrieved."

"I didn't get the translation on some of those terms Chandra," Hackett said looking at the Asari Councilor.

High Priestess El'Estrene spoke quietly into the room, "It is very old, classical Asari, and only a handful of scholars can translate the densest of the writings. The closest Galactic translation for what Matriarch B'lanea called the Reapers is a chaotic, abstract form of destructive energy or spirit but that does not do the term justice, you need to experience the words," she looked directly at Shepard who nodded her response. "As for the Amesha Spenta we have no translation."

Shepard moved in her chair and everyone focused on her waiting for what most of them expected would be a violent outburst given her previous exchange. Everyone knew and on the whole sympathised with her position that to have any chance of success they had to share everything and work together.

But her brief exchange with Nara El'Estrene and the closeness of Liara had steadied her, "we have a small chance of uniting all the greatest minds in the Galaxy to find a way to survive annihilation. It goes without saying that we need also to harness all the resources we need if we are to survive but if even the few people in this room can't find a way of sharing their secrets, "she looked around the room but settled on Tevos, "or putting the greater good above old arguments and politics then we might as well all start making arrangements for our families to escape to a dark corner of the Galaxy and wait for the Reapers to find them."

There was a long silence.

"I will pick up the work my good friend had underway and reach out to members of the Hierarchy who are close to the Primark of Palavan," the General gave Shepard a quick nod and a small smile.

Wrex punched his fists together which was a clear indication of his approval.

Other heads around the table nodded and the rest of the meeting was spent on strategies for increasing their influence and intelligence networks.

Liara was feeling exhausted and could sense Shepard's own fatigue as the meeting closed.

"I think I need to eat and then go to bed I am afraid today has been very draining," Liara stood and watched concern flash across Shepard's face, "you are as tired my love, all I need is to rest and be near you."

"You go up and I'll go to the kitchen and arrange the food and let Liselle and Tash we won't be joining them for dinner."

Liara nodded gratefully and leaned into Shepard as they left the room.

 _ **T**_ _ **'Soni private residence - Thessia**_

Tash watched Shepard walk away towards the kitchen and marvelled at the fact that it had only been a handful of days since Liara was back and her cousin had had her operation.

So much had changed and yet things were beginning to feel normal again. As she walked into the dining room and caught Liselle's eye a surge of something that felt like happiness engulfed her.

"Yeah we'll catch you next time we get leave, gotta go hun," Liselle finished the call and tilted her head slightly and smiled, "what's that look."

"You make me absurdly happy."

Liselle laughed as Tash sat next to her at the table, "back at you."

"Did I see Shepard in the hall just now?"

"Yep, she's getting food for Liara they're going to have an early night."

"I'm going to grab some time with her tomorrow before we leave. I think I might tell her… about us."

"Shepard?" Tash said a little surprised.

"No, Liara… you know I'd be cool with you telling Shepard."

"But not Aria," Tash said with a grin, "not sure I'll be ready to be interrogated as to my intentions again by your mother any time soon."

They were joined by various members of the household including Liara's personal commando unit Captain. Half way through the main course a familiar tonal voice cut through the chatter around the table.

"Seems I missed all the fun," Garrus drawled as he walked into the room which erupted with welcome backs.

Tash and Liselle rose from their seats and went over to meet him offering a hug from the young Asari and a slap on the shoulder from the young Human.

"There was a huge discussion about contacting you but it only kicked off a few days before you were due back and for some reason Kas was really adamant you shouldn't be disturbed," Tash said as they walked back to the table and a space was made for him, "I mean you were only on the Citadel…"

Turians were hard to read for humans but Asari had lived and worked alongside them for much longer and the Asari were really good at reading other races.

"Ok spill it Turian you weren't on the Citadel, it wasn't any ordinary holiday was it," Liselle said cutting across her lover after studying their friends' reaction to the question...

Garrus served himself some food from the dextro-protein serving and the silence drew out between the three crewmates.

"I, well, after losing Jamie in the explosion you know I spent a lot of time with Kas," there were nods from Tash and Liselle whose own thoughts went back to that terrible time of uncertainty and loss. "Somehow Kas got me to talk about my own loss… and, well she found Va'ine and my daughter."

Only a very few people knew about Garrus's relationship with an Asari matron who worked on the Citadel when he was starting out with Citadel Security. And the ensuing family rift between him and his politically powerful father when Garrus told him of his intention to raise a daughter with her and the possibility of their bonding.

The only thing that has stopped Garrus defying his father, even though it would have meant effective banishment from his family, were the very real threats his father made about ruining his Asari lover's career and reputation.

"So you met your daughter?" Tash asked quietly.

Garrus nodded and his mandibles were twitching in a way that, to anyone who could read Turian face plate signals, indicated he was happy.

"So how about we get some drinks after dinner and you can tell us all about it," Liselle said smiling, "and we'll catch you up with Liara's return and Shepard's recovery.

 _ **T**_ _ **'Soni private residence, Liara and Shepard's private quarters - Thessia**_

Shepard shouldered her way into the bedroom a large tray resting across one forearm and a bottle in the other.

The room was warm but the long, light, drapes around the open balcony doors moved slightly to an almost imperceptible breeze. Light was coming from the bedside lamps and subdued lighting on the vid screen wall which gave the room a cosy glow.

As she pushed the door shut with her foot Liara spoke from the bathroom, "I will be there in a moment, shall we eat on the balcony?"

"Of course, I'll take it out."

Just as Shepard finished setting out the meal and was pouring them a drink Liara walked onto the balcony. The long, silky almost see through dress she was wearing showed her heavy breasts and swollen belly as the fabric clung to her contours.

Liara moved to stand facing Shepard her hand reaching out to brush her lovers cheek, "you must find some time to rest tomorrow my love. You are meant to be taking your recovery slowly."

Shepard grinned and covered Liara's hand with her own then placed a kiss in the soft blue palm, "my thoughts exactly but about you, today was pretty full on."

Liara moved closer and for the first time Shepard really noticed how big her bondmate was with their daughter, "she's grown so much while… while we've been apart," she said quietly.

"You were with me every moment my love, we leaned on your strength and your love for us," Liara said moving one of Shepard's hands and placing it on her swollen belly.

"Is she really ok," Shepard looked into Liara's eyes the almost pleading tone in her voice a reflection of her fears.

Liara smiled widely and Shepard's world burst into light, "Yes Shepard she is strong and healthy and content. I cannot wait for you to meet her."

"How long," Shepard kissed the side of Liara's neck softly as she spoke, "I read somewhere Asari can choose the time."

Shepard's fingers instinctively went to the back of her lover's neck to the sensitive folds and was rewarded with a short gasp from Liara who leaned into her touch.

"Yes… once the baby is ready," Liara moaned as Shepard moved her other hand to a breast and started to trace around the hard nipple, "we can hold the moment for up to a moon cycle… oh… for safety and… mmm… Thessia," Liara's voice trailed off and her breathing started to come in gasps.

"To give birth on Thessia, of course," Shepard said her own breath hitching in her chest, "and we can make love without it hurting our daughter."

Liara gasped as Shepard's fingers began to unfasten her dress, "yes… yes we can…"

Arousal swept through them mixing with a desperate need on the next wave of sensations coursing through both their bodies and minds as Liara pulled them into a sexual melding of consciousness and nervous systems.

"When was the last time…"

"That last night on Illium… but we are here now…"

"I need you… always"

"Push the darkness away…"

"So much lost time…"

"We are here now my love…"

"Across lifetimes… I will find you…"

Their thoughts the same, their minds and souls laced together as they found each other through touch, thoughts, filling each other with love and light. Shattering the night with their cries of passion.

Shepard became aware of the light trying to pry open her eyelids. She moaned and snuggled even tighter into Liara's warm soft body and laid the tenderest of kisses on the exposed neck. One arm was still under her lover from when she held Liara as they fell asleep. Her other hand still rested on the swollen belly where their daughter slept waiting for the right time to start her journey into life.

Liara murmured in her sleep and pushed back a little into Shepard's body which sent a flash of arousal and she tried not to act on it knowing they both needed rest. Her mind had other plans though and almost unbidden Shepard's had drifted down making light circles with her fingers as her lips caressed the sensitive soft folds at the back of her lovers' neck.

She felt the body next to her stir, thighs opening to give her access and finding the warm sensitive bud her breath quickened. Liara moaned still half in sleep.

Shepard started soft circles on the now hardening bud and felt an answering tightening in her own clit. She drifted her fingers down and dipped into her lover's hot core already wet from her touches. She marvelled at how ready Liara always was for their love making at the sexual connection between them that continued to grow in strength over time.

She had to take Liara, own her, possess her because she was owned and possessed in equal measure.

As she pulled the wetness up over the pleasure giving bud Liara was now awake and moaning with pleasure pushing forward against her fingers and they found their rhythm. The meld that Liara opened between them that Shepard joined was less desperate than the previous night. Last night then needed to touch, taste and feel every part of each other body, mind and soul. They needed to re-connect on every level. But this morning, well this was the pure joy of finding pleasure in each other.

The slick wetness coated Shepard's fingers and both their bodies tensed, breathing ragged she switched from light circles to stroking with more pressure. They both felt the undeniable edge of their orgasm building. When it broke over them, ripped through them, they moaned and before the ripples had finished pulsing through their bodies Liara rolled over onto her back.

"More, I need more of you."

Shepard knew what her lover wanted from experience and the connection of the meld She angled herself on an elbow she slipped her fingers deep into the hot, wet and welcoming core. Raking her finger tips over the pleasure giving ridges inside her lover she moved slowly in and almost out meeting the answering thrust of Liara's hips.

Their bodies moved in unison as Shepard's strokes became more urgent, faster, harder, pulling them both over the edge in thundering rush of release and pleasure that always left them both at peace as well as sated.

Shepard rolled onto her back after moving slowly and gently out of her lover.

"Left handed, I just want that noted… left hand," she said with soft laugh.

"Oh, I am aware how… versatile you are my love," Liara's tone was teasing and Shepard felt her heart lift sensing her lover's playfulness.

"Dammit, you didn't eat last night we got… well… a bit carried away," Shepard turned on her side and leaned on an elbow so she could look at her lover.

"We did not eat. You need to recover and rest as well."

Shepard silenced whatever else Liara was going to say with a soft, loving kiss and was rewarded with a hazy look of satisfaction as she pulled back.

Her eyes drifted down her bondmates' body taking in the baby bump, "you are so beautiful, and powerful. I don't know what it is but being pregnant makes you look, feel, even stronger than you usually are," she let her hand rest gently again where her daughter was growing, "it's just so…"

Words failed her and she felt tears burn the back of her eyes and had no idea why she felt like crying. Liara shifted slightly and pulled Shepard into a hug. She buried her face in the lover's neck and tried to hold back the tears, "I'm not unhappy Lee. Just so many emotions I feel like I can't hold them."

They both knew how much Shepard kept control of her emotions and it was very unlike her to cry, "Sometimes it is the only way to ease the pressure my love, you are safe here with me. Whatever we feel we can share with each other. You are home."

The words were like a balm to Shepard's soul and as the tears flowed silently down her face the only thing that mattered was they she was with her soulmate in this moment whatever else had or would happen. Right at this moment the universe was as it should be. And as their breathing deepened they both fell back into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Alliance shipyards, Normandy berth, Vancouver Island, Earth**_

The shuttle settled with a small jolt. Tash and Liselle reached for their bags on their way to the entrance which opened onto a busy dock. People were rushing in every direction and mini haulers beeped their way through the crowd.

Tash gave Liselle a broad grin, "so just what is this great plan about our sleeping arrangements. You know I'm in a bunk with two other officers which doesn't allow for much privacy."

"You leave that to me, but while I'm working on it I'm quite looking forward to being a little adventurous in our liaisons."

They began weaving their way towards the Normandy across the concourse, it's ramp guarded by two of the ships security team.

"Admiral Anderson wanted you to go straight to the CIC on your arrival Major," Petty Officer Green added a salute to his instructions as they passed.

Once inside the ship Liselle took Tash's bag and with a nod they parted.

"Come in," the door to Anderson's ready room was open but Tash knocked anyway.

"Major Mikhailovich reporting for duty, sir," Tash snapped a salute and stood to attention just inside the fairly small space.

"At ease Major," Anderson indicated the only other chair in the room and he turned towards her away from his console. "I know you were Shepard's exec for the last tour of duty and I would like you to continue in that position for me."

"I, um, well, sir… I was in that position because we really didn't have one and the situation was highly…"

"Unusual," Anderson interjected with a small smile, "yes mutiny does call for a certain kind of loyalty in an XO."

"Uh not to say Garrus… I mean Captain Vakarian would have but… "

Tash decided to shut up and stop rambling. She didn't know whether she wanted to be the XO but she certainly didn't want to blow it, just because she couldn't string sentences together. And this was Admiral Anderson, a huge personal hero of hers. She'd rather like him to think she was moderately capable.

"I know you haven't received any training for this position and we probably don't have much time," a wry smiled traced his lips, "I would imagine your Commander will be back on active duty as soon as she can browbeat her doctors. So, I'd like to give you a crash course, stripped down and bearing in mind our current situation."

She was surprised. She didn't have the training, or seniority and although Shepard had free reign with her crew when the Normandy was purely a Spectre vessel they were now returning to the Alliance Navy fleet. She didn't know whether she was pleased that Anderson thought she might be worthy of the job or if it was even something she wanted to do.

Commanding the ground teams played to her strength, the ones she'd learned while banished on her covert mission to Cerberus. She was a very capable merc having learnt that trade for the nearly ten years she'd been forced to be undercover by Alliance Intelligence Services. Which meant she didn't always do things by the Alliance book, but then neither did Shepard.

The executive officer on most ships would be the one to lead away teams, but Shepard had always led from the front. When Lawson had been the XO she had also gone on missions so would that be the same for her.

Then a thought crossed her mind, "Why Admiral, why would you spend time coaching me? Is it because you feel sorry for me, for all the time I was used like a disposable asset," then a powerful emotion crept up on her and she covered it over with a display of anger, "or maybe it's something to do with my father, some kind of reward for not being a snake like he was."

She stopped abruptly remembering where she was and who she was talking to but wasn't going to apologise. She didn't give a fuck about promotion or playing nice with someone who represented everything she'd hated for most of her adult life.

When Anderson spoke, it was in a quiet measured tone, "I am aware of how badly you've been treated but at some point, you will need to start trusting us again. As for why I'm willing to coach you and support you, well that is rather selfish on my part," he paused and Tash felt her anger draining away, "I made a promise to your Aunt Hannah that I would do everything I could to make sure you were treated fairly when you returned to active duty."

Tash felt something tighten in her chest and the muscles in her jaw clenched. A short nod was all she could muster as she fought to keep the grief from taking hold.

"And, I need to know Shepard has someone she can trust watching her back and running her ship and you come very highly recommended," he stood sensing she needed a little space to compose herself, "so get your gear stowed away and meet me back here in an hour and we'll get started."

She stood and looked into steady brown eyes and snapped a salute before leaving. Once back outside on the command deck she moved quickly to the elevator to find Liselle. Another thought struck her and helped push her sadness away, the XO had their own bunk.

 _ **Two weeks into Shepard**_ _ **'s convalescence, T'Soni private estate, gardens – Thessia**_

Shepard felt the Thessian sun hot on her back as she leaned forward her hands on her knee's, working hard to steady her breathing. This was the third day she'd tried a two-hour run and her heart was pounding in her chest. She decided to walk back to the house cursing the fact that her doctors would be getting the data from her omni tool. They would know, as she did, that her lungs were still not functioning at optimal levels.

She decided to go straight for a shower and try to wash away the foul mood that always accompanied any set back to her recovery and return to duty.

From her study window Liara watched Shepard run across the open fields and into the formal gardens. She could see the strain in her lover's body, something that was never apparent before the explosion that which had claimed so much from them both. Her sadness deepened when Shepard stopped in the garden and bent double her shoulders heaving with the effort to breathe.

Two weeks was not a long time to recover from such a huge operation. And her lovers' cloned lungs still needed to build their own muscle and learn how to perform in their new body, there were no shortcuts for that. But she knew how much her bondmate hated feeling physically weak. So, of course, Shepard was pushing as hard as she could to get back to full fitness and Liara could do nothing to help except keep out of the way.

What she was trying to help with was her lovers' mental state, and thankfully that was going much better than the physical recovery.

She moved back behind her desk and waited for the next call to come through. Since her return she had been constantly in meetings and on vid conferences to re-establish her position in both Asari society and politics. Wielding diplomacy with one and threats with the other when necessary.

She was still dismissed by most of the Matriarchs as too young to be the head of one of the one hundred first families and far too inexperienced to be the head of a Republic. The sympathy for her from her Asams' death and her own misfortune, coupled with the glamour of being one of the Normandy crew who saved the Galactic Council, would only last for so long.

Asari politics, on the surface, were completely democratic with an electronic voting and referendum system that was the unique in the Galaxy. Titles like head of the first family in Thrassica were only as effective as the political power that came with it. As head of the first family of Thrassica she could not be removed or voted out. This was a social position defined by lineage. But each Republic had an elected council who then sent representatives to the Thessian Tad'Iyasa Gga which discussed and, when necessary, made the more immediate decisions informed by the public debates facilitated by Thessias' e-democracy.

Liara had found it difficult to explain the way it all worked to Shepard and in the end used the Systems Alliance as an analogy. The countries of Earth came together to make big decisions that affected the whole planet which was like the Tad'Iyasa Gga and the first one hundred families made longer term decisions like the Systems Alliance parliament. But there was no comparison for the Matriarchs SaM'kram Na or its most influential inner circle of the T'Ara who's role was to guide Thessia and the Asari over timescales marked in thousands of years.

She tried to quell her unease about how undemocratic the heart of her race's government truly was. But held onto something her bondmate had said, _"it makes sense for your people that wisdom gained with great age should be valued. And individuals do have real power over their everyday lives."_

Shepard also said that absolute power corrupts absolutely and that she hoped the Matriarchs weren't just a bunch of power hungry politicians because that was what had brought her own home planet close to the point of collapse in the early twenty first century.

The comm link pinged on her desk and she brought her mind back to her next call. And thoughts of why she was doing this; why she had picked up this mantle of responsibility rather than following her heart and staying by Shepard's side were pushed to one side.

 _ **Family room, T**_ _ **'Soni private residence, Thessia**_

Liara was content and happy and she wasn't going to think about it too much. Just enjoying the moment. Laid back on one of the large sofas with her feet nestled in Shepard's lap. She was receiving a foot massage while watching some old human vid that had her lover smiling and laughing. She'd take this moment and hold onto it for as long as possible.

"Am I interrupting you both," Garrus spoke from just inside the room.

"Of course not, come and join us," Liara indicated to the adjoining sofa.

"Hey old man," Shepard called leaning back to watch him as he joined them, "any news on your romance."

"What the hell are you making Liara watch," he said with a smile in his voice.

"This is human humour, and very popular, although I am still a little lost as to what is happening most of the time."

"This is classic adult cartoon humour. Although I may have misled you if you think all humans find this funny," she said with a cheeky grin muting the volume. "But for you to enjoy it we'd have to find your sense of humour and I've been told turian's don't have one."

"Well if we are going to impugn anyone's sense of humour I've had to put up with your attempts for the last few years. And I'm still waiting to be convinced humans have one that travels," his mandibles were twitching signalling his mirth.

"I'll have you know I have an excellent sense of humour… that and my charm has carried me through more than a few tricky situations."

"Hum, the kind of charm that prefers huge explosions rather than technical finesse."

"If a job needs doing its worth doing really noisily leaving little usable debris behind I like to say," she paused and looked at him her serious tone betrayed by raised eyebrows and a smirk, "speaking of technical finesse do you need some tips for your new relationship? I know it's been a while."

Liara smiled watching the interchange between the two friends as they carried on with their easy banter. She thought back to a time when these two, like everyone else on the Normandy, were strangers to her. When she felt out of place lost in the social conventions of a multi-species group whose visual clues she found almost impossible to read.

At a pause in the conversation she spoke up, "how are things with Va'line?"

Garrus glanced down and took a deep breath, "they seem to be going well," he looked up, "and she wants me to be in my daughter's life."

"Oh man, you could have led with that," Shepard laughed.

Liara gave him a smile, "that is good news." Since his return from leave and the revelation that he had an asari daughter she had been researching Va'line Destar.

Destar's time on the Citadel when she met the young Garrus Vakarian, Citadel Security officer, had been the only time she had lived away from Thessia. The first daughter of a noted family she was being groomed to one day head up the family corporation. But that was a long way in the future and as a matron, Va'line still had a lot of freedom to pursue her own career.

Shepard laid Liara's feet down on the sofa and stood, "I'll go check to see how long dinner is going to be and wash up."

Garrus stared at her retreating back, "how is she doing."

"Much better I think," Liara moved into a sitting position, "but there is a part of her I still cannot reach."

She heard the sadness in her own voice and gave Garrus a small smile.

"Just give it time, you two have had a hell of a year. Are you doing better," he asked and she understood what he meant.

"Yes, but the dizzy spells and tiredness do not seem to be lessening. The healers have no long-term concerns but they do not expect my limbic system to return to normal until after I give birth."

It had been a blow to hear she would not be physically fit enough to return with Shepard to the Normandy. But it had avoided a potential argument as her bondmate had been adamant that she should remain on Thessia until their baby was born.

In all truth she had more than enough work to do and a lot of it she needed to be in Thrassica to carry out. That did not distract from her frustration and she was working hard in daily sessions of healing meditation to let go her anger at Shiala as it was a pointless use of her energy.

Shepard came back into the room moving quickly to stand in front of Liara, "I just got a call from Arcturus…," she rubbed the back of her neck a sign that she was tense and a little uncertain of how to proceed, "they've cleared me for duty with some limitations for on dirt side activities."

Liara and Shepard held each other's eyes for a few moments in silence. The mix of emotion churning between them like choppy water.

"When are you leaving," Liara fought to keep her tone light but knew she had failed.

"I'll wait for you in the dining room," Garrus said quietly and began to move to the doorway.

"No," Shepard said looking in his direction, "this involves you as well."

She saw the look of confusion pass over Liara's face and moved on quickly.

"Anderson has finished trials on the new tech and is on his way to pick me up."

"How long," Liara asked again a note of stress now clear in her voice.

"Two days," She felt a rush of panic. She would be leaving Liara, again, in two days. The blood started pumping in her ears and her breathing became shallow. And her only anchor were the steady blue eyes looking into her soul.

Liara could sense her lover's distress, standing she moved close putting her hands on the back of her bondmates head and when she spoke her voice was calm and strong, "I am safe Shepard, I will be here whenever you need me. And I will be with you wherever you go."

They rested their foreheads together and in the silence Shepard's breathing returned to normal. Garrus could see just how much his Commander was carrying and, in that instant, knew that she really couldn't do what the Galaxy demanded of her without Liara.

When they broke apart Shepard looked in his direction, "I need you to stay here with Liara, I need to know…"

"Whatever you need, Shepard," he looked at Liara, "as long as you don't mind seeing my ugly face every day."

She smiled widely, "if that is agreeable to you."

That night when Shepard finally slipped into a fitful sleep Liara allowed herself some quiet tears.

 _ **Hangar deck, SSV Normandy, Athena Nebulae**_

Shepard jumped out of the shuttle onto the hangar deck and handed off her bag to Carter, her personal aide, but half her mind was still on leaving Liara only hours earlier.

She knew her bondmate found their parting so soon after finding each other again as painful as she did. Shepard was still wounded at a soul level from loss and the things she had done since that fateful day on Illium.

Liara's strength and kindness would only carry her so far on her journey of recovery. Until Cerberus and Harper were dead she knew there would be little time to heal. And she needed to find her son or find out what had happened to him. With that thought the image of Kai Leng came hard and strong into her mind accompanied by the physical urge to rip him apart with her own hands.

A voice snapped her back from her thoughts, "Are you ok Commander?"

She noted her clenched fists, tight jaw and rough breathing that the visceral thoughts had invoked. Steadying herself she looked at her aide, "yeah just a little re-entry turbulence. Good to see you, how have things been."

They began walking towards the elevators at the back of the deck.

"Well we have more ground troops then we've ever had so accommodation is a bit tight. And Admiral Anderson has been running us ragged with drills. Oh, the Admiral would like to see you on the command deck."

In the elevator Shepard hit the pad, "how many Normandy crew decided to stay."

"All of them Commander," Carter's voice showed her surprise.

Shepard smiled, "Good to know I haven't scarred you all too badly yet."

Her words were rewarded by a huge smile and her aide stood to attention as Shepard made to leave, "all the way, Ma'am, we're with you till the end."

In equal parts Shepard felt pride and gratitude and on the other side of the scales responsibility, doubt and panic.

The command deck felt like home, hell the Normandy felt as much like home as Liara's estate did. Anderson was talking to one of the specialist but stopped as soon as he saw her.

"Welcome back Commander, you look much better than the last time I saw you."

"Thank you, Admiral," they exchanged salutes and she added quietly, "I'm sorry I was so pissed at you and Admiral Hackett on Arcturus."

"You were hurting, nothing more to be said. Now let me get you up to speed and then you can drop me off on the Citadel."

They moved to the oval of command stations and Anderson replaced the 3d laser projection of the Galaxy with the Normandy.

"The stealth shielding has been applied to every area of the ship, almost painted on, and is comprised of nanites. We had to place the equipment that runs and controls it on the storage deck, it just wouldn't fit in engineering."

"How much storage have we lost. It was always on the low side and with all the extra crew and potentially extended mission times we may run into issues."

"Agreed. Serrice Council did a solid job getting the unit as small as possible but you have lost about a quarter of your storage," he turned to look at her, "one of the priority missions you have straight out the gate is identifying appropriate supply and fuel dumps. We can't trust that any of our existing sites won't be compromised."

She nodded, "and we'll need to find a way to keep their locations out of official records but accessible to ships that need them when the shit hits the fan."

They stood in silence for a moment and next time she spoke it was in a lighter tone.

"So, you kept the paint job. I thought our phoenix would have been painted over with Alliance blue.

Anderson gave her a broad grin, "well she is still a joint Navy Spectre vessel but… the time has come for you to take that promotion because we need you to run a wolf pack. And as its new and will be off the books for most of its activity we're giving it a non-naval designation. Phoenix squadron."

"But sir…"

"You can run your wolf pack any way you want Shepard. You have a lot of ground to cover and even though we've increased the ground team you have on the Normandy you will benefit from the extra boots from the other frigates," he lowered his voice and leaned in slightly, "the promotion doesn't take you any further away from the fight."

"I just feel I don't deserve it," she wasn't looking at him but at the image of the Normandy.

"Well if I can't convince you that you have, earn it from here on."

"I'll do my best, sir."

 _ **Two hours later, conference room, Normandy**_

Shepard had received a full security briefing from Anderson and carried out a tour of the ship. She had then gone through the reports on the three ships that would be under her command in the newly formed Phoenix wolf pack before calling her senior officers to a meeting.

When she entered the conference room everyone was waiting for her. The humans and turian's stood to attention while Skark her krogan battlemaster smashed his fists together and Senna gave her a Siari welcome greeting.

"At ease everyone," she sat and leaned her elbows on the table her hands clasped and took them all in.

She was touched that Skark had decided to stay on this assignment. Wrex had given him the chance to rotate out and back to Tuchunka but the old battlemaster had pledged his allegiance to her and was going to stay until the job was done. Grunt was on Tuchunka with Wrex being properly inducted into the Clan. Wrex had not hesitated when Shepard asked him to adopt the tank born krogan much against the wishes of some of his own clan elders. But from the brief updates she had received, Wrex was not much of a writer, he was doing very well and a considered a brave and gifted fighter.

The thought made her both proud and saddened, she would miss her krogan son.

Both Evictus the ex C-Sec officer and Senna ex Citadel defence force and a Captain of Commandos on Thessia had also stayed to serve on what was now a part Alliance ship. These were officers she had fought alongside and would happily have watching her back.

In engineering there were few changes just the addition of a few extra specialists under the steady eye of Adams her engineering officer.

It was in her information and intelligence analysis section that she recognised weaknesses. The team worked well but no one stood out as either a leader or who could take all the pieces and put them together. She had EDI of course but there were still some elements of human analysis that could not be replicated even by the most adaptive of artificial intelligence.

She missed Ish and his death amongst others still haunted her. She missed Kasumi but her talents were much better utilised by the Shadow Broker network. And of course, she missed Liara every moment for much more than her analytical abilities.

Realising she had been silent for longer than was comfortable for her team she said, "it's good to be back with you. And I have to thank you for deciding to stay and for some of you re-joining the Alliance Navy. I want to congratulate our new executive officer Lieutenant Commander Mikhailovich, who will still have some training to do on the navy side of things. But you should all know I trust her with my ship and my life."

There was a round of various cheers and congratulations and Shepard smiled as Tash appeared to blush slightly.

"Some changes I need to make you aware of. First, I will be taking a promotion to Captain and we will be heading up a wolf pack to carry out our next set of missions. I want the three of you," she indicated her ground force team commanders, "to start working on increasing our krogan, turian and asari numbers so we can integrate across all the frigates in our wolf pack."

There was now total silence in the room and she knew they were saving their questions until the end of her briefing, as it should be.

"As you know Alliance frigates are slightly smaller than the improved Normandy point two zero but they offer higher ground force numbers than we do. So, we'll be looking to have a ratio of around forty humans to a twenty strong multi-species addition. We'll stick to turian, krogan and asari combat troops for now.

"Secondly, we will be testing our full stealth mode under combat conditions on our first tour. We will be infiltrating Batarian space and finding out exactly what they are up to. This will mean extended periods of discomfort given the technical requirements for running fully cloaked. Questions?"

The meeting continued for over an hour and when she finally dismissed her team she felt confident and in control. It was a good start. And she would have plenty to tell Liara later on their daily vid call.

 _ **Liara**_ _ **'s office, Thrassican Republic capital mansion, Thessia**_

She tried not to think about the moment of their parting and it felt much longer ago than two weeks. The physical wrench they had both experienced. That final meld on the lawn before Shepard jumped on the shuttle taking her to the Normandy. Back to her duty, into danger, away from Liara.

The bed felt empty and she was having trouble sleeping again. It was too soon, they had hardly had any time together. There were wounds that still needed healing. Edges that needed smoothed back into place inside both of them.

And yet she knew it was what Shepard needed. To get back to doing, hunting, destroying those who had harmed her family. It didn't make the cost any easier to bear.

A knock on her door pulled her from her brooding.

"Come in," Kasumi and the director of operations for the Republic came in and after exchanging Siari greetings they sat in the chairs across from Liara's desk.

She smiled, "thank you for joining me. I believe you have some concerns about my plans?"

Matriarch Fenestra T'Soni was a very senior member of the family and had served the Republic for the last three hundred years. If lineage had been only slightly different or Liara had been deemed too young to head up the family and lead the Republic she would have been next in line.

Liara had always felt very intimidated by the Matriarch when she was growing up. A stern and imposing figure, who had challenged her mother when she disagreed with issues relating to the Republic or the family estate.

Trying to remember how Benezia had dealt with the Matriarch she remembered long conversations usually ending in agreement. But she was not her mother so would need to navigate her own relationship with Lady Fenestra.

"What you are planning is going to cost an enormous amount of credits given the timescales you have set out and the amount of work required. I can see no immediate, or long-term, benefit to either the Estate or the Republic. And we may even have to liquidate some assets and holdings to accomplish what you intend." Fenestra sat ramrod straight in her chair, hands in her lap. Her tone was matter of fact as she fixed all her attention on Liara.

"Yes," Liara understood completely what Fenestra's point was but was not going to start justifying herself, she had paid some attention while she was growing up.

"So, you understand this cannot be done."

"I do not understand that Lady Fenestra, in fact you just told me what we would need to do to make it happen."

The silence stretched out and the Matriarch stared straight into Liara's eyes as the tension grew.

"These plans have not been taken the Thrassican council of Matriarchs."

Another statement that held more than a little judgment and threat. Liara was aware that Fenestra was one of a number of the Republic's Matriarchs who believed she was too young and inexperienced and far too heavily influenced by her human bondmate to lead Thrassica, or the T'Soni family.

"These decisions are within my authority."

The Matriarch pursed her lips, "perhaps, given the cost of this project we should ask for a discussion on the e-forum and take a vote," the ghost of a tightening of jaw muscle accompanied her words.

"That would set a dangerous precedent do you not think?" Liara's tone was light and she leaned forward on the desk tilting her head a little, "you obviously don't believe the threat that is coming is real."

"I have not been privy to all the information available. However, if the threat was credible the T'Ara would be sharing their concerns and making plans for a Thessia wide response."

"You would risk our people, our Republic, while the T'Ara and the Matriarchs argue over secrets and lies. I am not prepared to wait until it is too late to at least try to preserve our civilisation. And so, unless there are any practical reasons we cannot start the work I suggest we stop arguing and get started."

"There are other ways we can prepare for the highly remote possibility that invaders manage to…"

Liara slammed her palms down on the top of the desk hard and both Fenestra and Kasumi jumped, "my mother may have put up with your interfering but I will not. You are a servant of the Republic and this family. And I have made my wishes clear," Liara fixed the Matriarch with her own stare, "if you are unhappy carrying out my orders you can be replaced."

Fenestra seemed to sag a little in her chair and blood drained from her face, "I have never been spoken to…," catching the look on Liara's face she continued, "but my duty is, as you pointed out, to serve and so that is what I will do."

The Matriarch stood and turned to head for the door pausing to say over her shoulder, "I had expected more courtesy from Lady Benezia's successor."

Liara let out a huge sigh and realised she had been rigid with tension.

"Well she wasn't too happy," the smile evident in Kasumi's soft tone, "and aren't you supposed to spend more than thirty minutes discussing a decision, find consensus, rather than issue orders."

"Yes, that is the asari way. Perhaps I have been around Shepard too much," Liara relaxed back into her chair, "I need you to make sure this work is being carried out without delay."

"Me, but that's not going to go down well. A human looking over the shoulder of a Matriarch, the second in line to the throne Matriarch at that."

"I will conform to asari social and political conventions when it helps achieve our goals and if I have the patience. But we don't have time for things to move at the usual asari decision making pace," she held Kasumi's gaze, "we both know we are on borrowed time. I cannot let Fenestra or anyone else get in the way."

With a short nod Kasumi agreed, "OK well you'd better let me see the full plans so I know what I'm looking for," she paused and carried on in a softer tone. "You got the idea from where you were being held?"

Liara had a flash of memory, standing on the edge of the landing platform and making a decision to jump if she didn't get rescued. She could feel the cold biting her face and the clean smell of the mountain air. Shaking off her thoughts she brought herself back to the present.

"Yes, and I have since found that we have quite a few scattered around our wilderness areas. We need to identify more but they must be undetectable. And we will need much larger supply storage. Hiding our population for over a hundred years will take ingenuity and preparation," her mind went back to her planning and all the things they needed to accomplish quickly and quietly, "they may even stay longer trying to purge the Galaxy this time given asari and krogan age spans."

"We'll get it done, those bastards won't win this time."

Liara nodded at her friends' assertion but she knew the Protheans had tried exactly the same thing and failed and they had an entire Galaxy under their control.

 _ **One week after taking command of the wolf pack, Normandy command deck, Attican Traverse, Maroon Sea**_

"Run it again," Tash said over comms after receiving a nod from Shepard.

They were running search and rescue drills on a planet in the Matano system. It was a harsh environment with a lot of electromagnetic interference from its atmosphere making both communication to and between ground teams difficult.

Shepard was determined that the squadron would function as efficiently as the individual ships that made it up. And at the moment they were trying to coordinate a search for their teams in low atmosphere not using emergency tracking systems.

She was pleased at the way Tash had really stepped up into her new role. When on duty she was an exemplary executive officer always on the same wavelength as her Captain but also willing to challenge and offer alternative ways to look at the challenges confronting them.

Off duty she still partied hard but Shepard wouldn't fault her for that. She wanted her crew to have as much of a social life as possible. Their work was going to be hard, dangerous and unremitting. They would be the tip of the spear and would necessarily see the worst that the coming war would have to offer.

Her omni tool pinged informing her she had a vid message. When she checked it a surge of panic flooded her system causing her breathing to quicken. Without a word she moved quickly to the small ready room just off the command deck and once inside she hit receive.

The call was coming in on her most private and secure channel and the only living person who had access was Liara for emergency purposes. Her mother had obviously had access but she would never call her daughter again.

She stared at a static laden screen which showed a shadowed and heavily distorted outline of what looked like a human but could also have been an asari.

The voice was equally distorted and she couldn't work out a single detail about the speaker from their voice.

"Shepard, I know you're wondering how I have the details for this comms channel. And I'm sorry but I can't tell you that right now, or who I am. I'm here to help you. And I need you to trust me, for now."

Shepard muted her end of the call, "EDI use my private QEC to Liara, I want to know she's safe, do it immediately and make sure you speak to her or Garrus."

"Of course, Shepard, I am also trying to trace this call but it is proving extremely difficult."

She un-muted her end of the call, "I don't talk to people who won't show themselves, at least tell me where you are?"

"I understand your concerns, better than you might imagine. I know EDI will be trying to track the source of this call and although I have covered my tracks very well, EDI is exceptional and I wouldn't want to try to beat her at poker. So, I will make this short."

"What do you want, and know that if you try to threaten any of my family I will hunt…"

"You down and tear you to pieces with my own hands. Yes, Commander I'm familiar with what you would do to anyone who would try to hurt those you love. I am not a threat to you or… Liara. And I don't want anything from you, I have information that might help you in your fight against Cerberus."

Shepard thought there was a pause before this stranger said Liara's name. Was it a veiled threat, who the fuck was this and how had they hacked her comms?

"I am sending you the coordinates to a Cerberus base. It was decommissioned a few years ago but was used by a black ops group recently for a project that might interest you. I will send you other coordinates as I find them."

"Why?"

There was silence for almost a minute and Shepard thought perhaps she wouldn't get an answer at all.

"Because I am going to help you destroy Cerberus and find your son."

The connection ended shortly followed by a message package with coordinates for a planet in the Terminus system.

"Did you get anything EDI?"

"No Shepard the call was actively bouncing all over the net. But I have confirmed from Garrus that he has eyes on Liara and she is safe in a meeting with representatives of the Thrassican council."

"I want you to analyse the call and try to clean the static. I need to know who that is."

"Yes Shepard."

She returned to the command deck and stood in front of her console opposite Tash. The 3D image of planet beneath them floating above the space the oval of command stations made. Its surface showing real time volcanic activity and storms that reflected her own inner state.

"Everything OK boss," Tash's voice brought her back to the present.

"Not sure. Recall everyone and get the squadron ready for travel then meet me in the conference room. We may have an important piece of intelligence or an invitation to a trap."

 _ **Two days later, outside a deserted and partially destroyed research facility, Naskral, Shrike Abyssal**_

Shepard indicated to the tech team they could enter the facility and she removed her helmet enjoying the late afternoon sun and a feint breeze.

They had cleared the set of buildings with the fire team but as her unknown source had said it was decommissioned. Complete with eight dead bodies and one room that was extensively damaged.

"What do you think?" She asked when her XO came to join her.

"Well definitely a Cerberus base. Although some of the equipment in there was pretty old. One thing Harper likes is shiny tech. But it does look as if it was used for some kind of cloning experiment."

"Yeah, same tank set up Grunt was in," Shepard looked at Tash, "so is this a source from inside Cerberus do you think?"

"I honestly don't know. This could also be some kind of long game head fuck Harper is playing with you."

"Yeah, he does like to play games. What worries me is this source, whoever it is, having my private comm codes."

"Everyone is on high alert on Thessia, nothing is going to get through Liara's security. And no one is going to get anywhere near you unless they want one hell of a fire fight."

Shepard looked around and noticed the perimeter that was in place not just around their objective but specifically around her.

She smiled at her cousin and they went back into the buildings to see if their tech team had uncovered anything useful.


	9. Chapter 9

**Two months later, T'Soni private residence, Thessia**

She watched the growing light in her bedroom waiting for the moment the Sun would rise in a fiery glow over the ocean beginning another fine summer's day.

Liara was tired. She had had another broken night's sleep and the more tired she was the more her symptoms affected her. Moving slowly and deliberately she left the discomfort of her bed and made for the balcony.

One hand reflectively on her, now, very swollen belly and the other resting on the smooth railing she took deep steadying breathes.

She missed Shepard so much it was a physical ache somewhere in her soul. Their vid calls were still almost always daily her lover only missing if she was on a protracted mission away from the Normandy.

They talked about what they had been doing, would share amusing stories about their friends, crew members or Liara's extensive establishment of staff. They asked each other about sleeping; was it good, were there nightmares, were they getting enough. They asked each other about their general health, were they eating well. Was Shepard pushing her physical recovery too hard, were Liara's symptoms any better or changed as her pregnancy progressed.

Did the baby kick or dance that day, but she never told her bondmate how she was really feeling. She knew Shepard was doing the same thing. It would have been too hard to give voice to the deep and abiding need for her lover to be by her side during the last few weeks of pregnancy.

It was too hard, sometimes even to allow herself to feel the need she had to be close to Shepard. To talk to flesh and blood, sinew and bone rather than the hard-light projection that was a pale imitation of the real thing.

She was also incredibly proud of Shepard for the tireless work she was doing to secure their success in the coming war and searching for their son. Standing tall, even with all the responsibility and hope that lay heavy on her shoulders and her conscience.

As the sun drifted above the horizon tinting everything it touched with a golden hue she felt her daughter move under her hand. The connection between an asari parent and their daughter pre-birth was unique. After the ninth month a particular type of joining of minds was available.

It was emotional and not intellectual but it was known that the more mothers joined with their daughters in the last three months of pregnancy the more advanced the baby's development in its first few months of life.

Liara had felt less alone and somehow closer to Shepard once she started to connect with her daughter in that way as she did now. Closing her eyes and reaching out with her mind for the delicate, brilliant and shining light that grew within her.

She bathed them both in peace and love, sending reassurance and joy through the meld. Their connection was strong and Liara really, really wanted to meet her daughter in person. They had talked about the timing of the birth on their last call and the plan was for Shepard to return to Thessia in a little over a week after a visit to the Citadel.

A soft knock on her door brought her out of the meld and a small spell of dizziness and nausea prompted her to hold onto the railing with both hands and take more steadying breaths.

Matriarch T'Joan wrapped an arm around Liara's waist, "come sit down and I'll get you a light breakfast. It will help with the sickness."

She leaned into Seninnth and allowed herself to be led back inside.

 **Evening, Thrassican Republic mansion, Thessia**

Liara and her two personal aides and her personal protection team, thankfully only three of them, walked through the great entrance hall and up one of the sweeping staircases.

She worked most of the time from her offices in the Republics administrative centre, the centrepiece of which was the imposing mansion. Shepard had explained once that it looks more like a modern palace and functioned in a similar way.

On Earth there were no more countries ruled by families but presidents had seemed to fill the role at least for their terms in office. The asari mix of e-democracy, election and inherited rights and responsibilities still confused many humans. The rest of the galaxy had long come to terms with the often inscrutable ways that asari society and politics worked.

Entering the dining room, she made her way to one of the medium sized tables where some of her executives were already seated. Her aides and security made their way to other tables but within close proximity in order to respond quickly if Lady Liara needed anything.

The concept of family for Asari was both specific and wide ranging. Asari who found themselves in places where there were few of their kind would almost always gravitate together, eat and sleep together. On Thessia and other Asari worlds life was much more communal, which didn't mean there was no privacy.

Bondmates and couples in a serious relationship would live together in their own space but it was always within a more connected community. Shared meals even for bondmates were taken more often than not. The community could be friends, neighbours or as was the case away from the cities blood family.

The Republics administrative capital was also settlement or more accurately a campus where all those who worked either directly on Republic business or indirectly to support its practical functions lived over long periods of time.

Where workers would bring their bondmates, if they were Asari, and raise their daughters. It was also home to any Thrassican who had fallen on hard times and needed to get a new start especially if they had been off world.

All the families of Thrassica had members working in the capital in various roles and this was also the political heart of the Republic. So, representatives all had accommodation here to use as they pleased.

At any one time the population of the settlement could be as high as five thousand, which included the large contingent of the Thrassican commando corp. The military tended to keep to their own area unless on duty or pursuing one of the maiden's or matron's.

Liara had struggled growing up with these aspects of her life on the estate either at Benezia's private residence or here at the mansion. But she realised now that was as much to do with her position and the expectations on her from her mother as it was her own personality.

On the whole she did prefer smaller more intimate groups, but that was true for plenty of Asari, what did mark her apart from most of her kind was her willingness to accept non-asari into her most intimate circle of chosen family and close friends.

She assumed that had been Shepard's influence and her time on the Normandy. Meeting her future bondmate created a seismic change in her life most importantly falling in love and finding out about the Reaper threat. That meeting and joining the Normandy crew had also saved her from her increasingly secluded and lonely life.

Liara realised someone had asked her question, "forgive me, what did you say?"

"Have you finalised your plans for the birth yet? Or set the day?" Ham'la worked in the wild spaces and habitats department and Liara loved her enthusiasm and dedication to ensuring the Republics wild habitats and natural reserves were not only protected but publicised as a great asset to Thessia.

"As soon as my bondmate return's," she smiled at her aide who had brought her food.

"At the temple or at home, oh the number of ocean births has been on the increase since the Larissa set started choosing that option," another of her executive team said. The conversation carried on about the merits of ocean or temple pools without much input from her.

Maidens of a certain age began to think about their perfect birthing almost as much as their bonding ceremony. Despite the ease with which asari could get pregnant and their long lifespan it was rare that they had more than ten daughters and they would normally be spread over their matron or early matriarch years.

Her mind had drifted again to thoughts of the birthing ceremony and her joy at the arrival of her and Shepard's daughter. But, as always, her happiness was tempered by the heartbreak of her lost son.

 **Late evening, Liara's private office, Thrassican capital mansion, Thessia**

Liara leaned back in the chair and stretched her legs out under the desk. It was heaven to be bare footed. Perhaps she could get away without wearing any shoes from now until she had given birth.

Before she could think about what else she'd like to stop doing the vid call she was expecting announced its arrival and she hit receive on her comms console.

The face of an older human male appeared on her screen, possibly Anderson's age, she couldn't be sure. It was hard telling human ages once they hit maturity.

"Thank you for taking my call Doctor T'Soni."

"Now Alex we have had this conversation before, please call me Liara. And I am pleased to help in any way I can. The expedition is an exciting one. How can I help?"

"It seems a decision has been made that we are moving up the departure date of the mission so I won't have time to come and visit to talk through your approach to archaeology. I wondered if you'd have time to make some recordings, suggestions about how we could go about researching the history of our new home."

"I was looking forward to meeting with you, but of course I will find anything that I think may be of help to you in Andromeda. Your daughter Sara became interested in Prothean research when she was a peacekeeper I understand?"

"You are very well informed, yes and I think she would have enjoyed meeting you. But we are on an expedited schedule to get our journey underway," he paused and Liara knew this would be the real reason for his call, "you are of the same opinion as Commander Shepard… this extinction cycle?"

"Yes, all the evidence I have found relating to the end of the Prothean civilisation concurs… and of course there is more concrete evidence should anyone with an open mind wish to see it."

"There are a lot of asari corporations working on the project even though the Andromeda Initiative is led by a Jien Garson…"

"We are speaking in confidence so you can ask your question Alex."

"Mmgh, I know when we talked previously we touched on who was backing Garson and you didn't know. But… you seem to be well connected and I wondered if you could dig around a little. I'd just rather know who was making the decisions and why."

She was almost certain she knew who had stepped in and bank rolled the Andromeda Initiative when Garson was running out of credits and why; but she wasn't sure Alex Ryder needed to know.

"I will see what I can find out. How long before you leave."

"We're aiming for a month but it's likely to be two. They're starting to call everyone that's been selected to the staging station and we'll start phasing people into cryo as soon as we have a firm departure date."

"Then I will be sure to get my papers and recordings to you as quickly as I can."

"Thank you Doctor… Liara."

"Good luck Alex."

 _ **Aria T'Loak's private office, Afterlife, Omega**_

With her head resting against the back of the chair and her boots on the desk, Aria was almost comfortable enough to take a quick nap while she waited for her lieutenants to join her with their reports.

Since the incident on Thessia, the graphic dream she'd had about Benezia, Aria had not taken Ne'aira to her bed again. Nor had she been able to sleep properly without wearing herself out first. Not just to avoid any possible further dreams but also to stop thinking about what it meant and to avoid the feelings that it had freed from behind a wall of steel that she had spent half her life creating.

She chose to wear herself out by leading her mercs from the front on most operations to suppress what seemed to be an uprising on Omega. Of course, she also took two of her dancers to bed any night she felt at risk of more memories of Benezia.

Aria had sent Ne'aira back to Omega the morning after without any conversation or explanation. She was, after all, the Pirate Queen of Omega and had stopped explaining herself centuries ago.

She worried in part that it had been something to do with the strange connection she felt to the matron. Then dismissed the feeling completely believing there was no connection and that Ne'aira was just very good in bed and had managed to get behind a layer of Aria's protection.

Around and around the thoughts went, no conclusion, and it was not like her to second guess herself. The conversations on Thessia before she had been called back to Omega had only added more questions.

Why was Benezia suddenly appearing in her, Liara and Shepard's dreams? Was the presence she felt at her daughters bonding ceremony really Benezia, how could it be. Yes, the Siari cycle of life, rebirth and the spirit's energy re-joining the whole was what El'Estrene was leaning on. But that wasn't her belief.

All her time in the wilderness had eroded her belief in anything. The Matriarch's had condemned her to a life without ethics or morality so she had seen little point in holding onto stories of magic and wish fulfilment.

She had done the terrible things in the name of Thessia; she had traded her soul for duty and service. It had been hard in the beginning. She felt the pain, torture, death and fear that she had inflicted.

But she was good at it, the Matriarch's had chosen well, and over time she let her darker side grow. Finding pleasure in winning and power and destroying those who stood in her way. While she waited. While she waited to be allowed to go home to be with Benezia. When they had both finished their work for Thessia.

As the centuries rolled on she knew somewhere in her soul that she would never be done in the Terminus system. She was too good at her job. And the last remnants of her true self that had not been burned to bitter ashes knew she was too tainted to return. There was no home to go back to.

Then Benezia called her and she answered, immediately with no question or condition. Finally, they would be together and raise daughters. But that had been a lie, it wasn't over. One last mission Benezia had said, probably the most important one of her life. Then they could be together and Aria could come home.

She sat bolt upright and swept everything from her desk with an angry flash of biotic power. The memories, the feelings, the pain so long buried and channelled into her work was choking her. And it wouldn't be quieted.

At that moment a buzz at her door announced her crew were here and sitting back down she called them in.

If they noticed the contents of the desk scattered and broken across the floor no one said anything. They knew better.

Aria leaned back in her chair and placed her boots back on the desk and gave them a look that almost made them flinch and certainly made all three uncomfortable.

"Someone fucking speak before I punch you all through the wall," her tone was as hard as her eyes and predictable they all started talking at once, "enough."

Her last word was a loud shout. Which was very unusual as Aria T'Loak never had to raise her voice to be heard.

"Sorry boss, "predictably it was her most trusted lieutenant Grizz who spoke, "blood pack are refusing to have a sit down with eclipse leadership. Neither of them trusts the other to hold to any deals or cease fire."

"And the talons are taking full advantage of the chaos and increasing their control over larger areas of the lower levels," Sanak added not meeting Aria's eyes as she had a particular grudge against the talons. Although, that didn't stop her working with them after all business came first and she was happy to take her cut of their earnings.

Aria was silent for a moment trying to control her foul mood which really wasn't anything to do with the current war raging across her station, "what's the current death toll?"

This time her asari lieutenant answered, "thirty thousand with thousands more injured. Business, your business, is now being affected and there's a general feeling of unrest on the station. I think…"

"Go on it's about time I had something more than what I could hear on the station news network from those who are supposed to be running my fucking station."

"I think someone is behind this, stirring it up. We think the end game is to cause a huge civil war that will strain our security forces and make the station ripe for invasion or a take over from within."

Grizz and Sanak nodded their agreement and Aria sat back in her chair and laughed as her lieutenants looked bemused.

She stopped laughing and became instantly serious, "that much was fucking obvious when the fighting didn't die down after we intervened and everyone's profit started to suffer. I let this run in the hope that you geniuses would find out who was working against me. But I guess I'll just have to stop this before we lose too much muscle."

"Do you want us to bring Kreete and Jorath to a meeting?" Grizz understood there were two ways this would go down and a meeting had the chance of spilling less blood.

Aria stood and moved to get herself a drink, "no, I want to talk to Jana herself. Don't ask just snatch her from her cosy roost on the Citadel." She threw a shot of Turian brandy back in one and poured another, "for now bring me Gryll, quietly. And have a team ready to take Kreete out."

She wasn't going to speak to Jana Sedaris's lacky on the station even if she did head up operations across the Terminus system. And as for that crazy vorcha Kreete it was time for a more pliable leader of the Blood Pack. Gryll had proved useful in the past and she had plenty of dirt on him if she needed to keep him in line.

"Well," she said imperiously looking at the three still standing in front of her desk.

Grizz and Sanak moved to the door but Ne'aira only turned to face her, "the clinics are running short of supplies and have also been shot up a few times. Would be good to let them know you are looking out for the little people."

Aria nodded her head slowly and moved closer, "send our security to all the clinics and the main hospital and send supplies. Make sure they know who's looking after them," they were close now and she could feel the heat from the other asari, "and get that news station to remind everyone who's sorting this shit out."

Ne'aira just nodded her skin now flushed, her eyes growing heavy with desire, lips parting as she leaned closer. Aria felt lust surge through her body and gripped the younger asari on the back of her neck massaging the sensitive folds.

Crashing their lips together she pulled them into a sexual meld and started ripping clothes off both of them. She turned them and pushed her lover against her desk spreading thighs wide and plunging deep inside Ne'aira's wet hot core.

She kept her mind closed and only opened to the other asari on a sexual level. When they were done she gathered her clothes and moved towards her private bedroom but paused when Ne'aira spoke.

"I miss you Aria… and I'm sorry for whatever I did to drive you away," the voice was low and soft and she sensed the other asaris' sadness.

After a few moments she moved to stand in front of Ne'aira again, one hand holding her clothes, "it wasn't you… too much is happening right now and I don't want to let anyone close."

She let her fingers stroke the soft still flushed cheek and continued in a lighter tone, "and you do seem to be able to get under my defences."

"I felt something odd…"

"What do you mean," Aria dropped her hand and was going to demand an answer when she saw the fear on her face, "don't be afraid to tell me, what did you feel."

"I don't even know how to describe it. I've had multiple partner melds, meditation, spiritual and sexual of course… but… this felt different. It was only a shadow of someone else. But no one else was close enough so it must have been something I did… do you think I'm losing my mind or…"

Ne'aira looked terrified, her breath becoming shallow, eyes wide and staring at Aria as if expecting to be struck down.

"There's nothing wrong with you. I felt it as well… it's… complicated. But I think we might pay a visit to the consort as soon as Omega is quiet."

Yes, she would explore a much more reasonable explanation about the dream. The chemistry between her and Ne'aira had broken through her defences and called up a memory that was all. She'd find out just how well Sha'ira had trained this matron and why she had made the match.

Because without any doubt the consort had sent Ne'aira to her and it was time to find out why. And perhaps she had been premature isolating herself from the matron, she would just have to be careful when they joined that it didn't run too deep.

 **Captain's cabin, SSV Normandy, Horsehead Nebula**

Shepard was struggling with the report she was trying to complete for the Council and Alliance Navy high command. She knew it was important and it would get done but there was something eating at her.

She had reviewed the mission reports, intel and data reports from the last two months. Then read again the overview and analysis that her intelligence team had put together. But there was something missing. Something was just out of reach, an itch that she just couldn't scratch in the back of her mind.

Goddess she missed Ish. Most salarian's who went into intelligence or information work were great with pattern recognition and making almost intuitive leaps that could reveal a full picture from only fragments. But Ish had been exceptional and his death was yet another she would carry on her conscience. Another that would be avenged with every fibre of her being until her last breath.

She also missed her quiet and nervous quarrian who was almost as good. But she couldn't justify dragging him around the Galaxy when he was doing important work for the Shadow Broker network.

Shepard closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair reviewing in her mind the activities of the last two months to see if it would shake something loose. Skipping through the recon missions that had them methodically search the outer reaches of known space. Off the charts space that had no easy access via the relay network looking for viable hiding places for supply dumps.

The trip across the border into Batarian space had been cut short when another set of coordinates, complete with schematics for the base, had pinged to her private channel. She and her team had treated it as a trap but all the intel had worked out.

They had now destroyed seven Cerberus bases, four of which had been straight up science and research centres. Complete with some gut churning experiments in progress. Even all the military bases had Reaper tech either in equipment, weaponry or most sickeningly implanted into what used to be human beings.

From what they had seen and the evidence they had gathered Harper was using Reaper tech with no regard to its indoctrination properties and most sickeningly was integrating it into human bodies and brains.

That was not a revelation. From when she was working with Cerberus his interests had been clear. But the scale of his operations was most concerning. She had no way to calculate how many bases he had but she was certainly only scratching the surface. And these bases seemed to be small hub's or outposts. They needed to find out where the main base was and take out the son of bitch directly.

She pulled her mind back from thinking about Harper because it always put her in a murderous rage which only diminished with hard exercise or a firefight.

' _Think Shepard, what part of this are you missing,'_ furrowing her brows in concentration she pulled a data pad with the intel packages from her mysterious benefactor.

EDI's voice spoke softly into the quiet room, "is there anything I can help with Shepard?"

The ship's AI had already been through the intel packages and tried everything to decrypt the senders' first and only vid message with no success.

"I don't think so EDI, I'm not even sure I know what I'm looking for."

After a small pause there was a buzz on her cabin door and she absent-mindedly called out enter.

"Hey boss, just wanted to check your orders for crew leave on the Citadel."

Shepard turned in her chair and looked at her executive officer allowing a smile to curl the edges of her lips.

"Well LC we are going to park the Normandy somewhere safe, I'm going to spend as little time as possible talking to politicians and Alliance brass," she stood and with a wide grin said, "then I'm going home to the birth of my first daughter."

Tash returned the grin and nodded her head, "you won't mind me and Leece sharing your ride. She is so stoked about the whole thing; I think they've been talking every day the last few weeks."

"Of course, we'll use one of the attack shuttles. Does Liselle have any idea what I could get as a present I have no…" a series of pings from her omni tool cut her question short.

Tash looked serious, "is it them?"

Shepard nodded and before she hit receive said, "EDI do your best to trace it and scrub it."

"Yes Shepard."

Then, standing shoulder to shoulder with Tash so she could also see the screen, she answered the call.

"I hope you found the information I've been sending you helpful," the visuals and voice were as distorted as the first time.

"Yes, you know they have, but I still want to know who I'm dealing with," Shepard considered whether she should ask this stranger for anything but decided she had little to lose, "If you really want to help you could give me the coordinates for where they are holding my son, or Harper's current whereabouts."

She thought she recognised a short laugh through the static before the stranger answered her, "Yeah you and me both, but it's complicated. I have to follow threads and every time you blow the shit out of a base I get closer to the centre."

Shepard and Tash looked at each other as EDI said over private comms, "The message encryption is not of the same level and I have tracked its origin to the Citadel."

Before she could say anything, her caller spoke again, "so by now you should have tracked my signal to the Citadel, it's probably time we met. Our next move will require more coordination."

"Ok, where?"

"You remember that time you and Garrus had that can shooting contest, one of the service bridges," the caller paused.

"How do you know about that?"

"I'll explain when we meet, but with Garrus on Thessia you'll probably want your second-best sniper stationed somewhere as cover because you know I'm going to ask we meet alone… and before you try to argue with me this is non-negotiable."

Tash was shaking her head vigorously not knowing exactly the spot they were talking about but the service bridges were over a mile high and only wide enough for the maintenance bots to run along and just enough space for a shuttle to land on."

"And I assume you'll have someone watching me through a set of cross hairs?"

"No Shepard, if I wanted you dead I could have done it many times over. You need to see me on your own for your sake more than mine. I'll send you the exact location and time when I'm ready."

With that the call ended.

"EDI?" Shepard didn't need to explain what she wanted.

"Only the location, but I will try again to scrub the image and voice."

"You can't do this, what if it's a trap, all these coordinates were just to get you on side," Tash's concern was clear on her face. "You know Harper is willing to sacrifice people for his grand plans."

"What choice do I have? I need to know how they got access to my private comms codes. If they have those what else do they have."

"Well if they are already on the bridge what's to stop you landing with a full team in the shuttle, I'm assuming that's the only access?"

"You'll have your weapon trained on them the whole time, I'll be on comms with EDI, and I'll wear full armour and have my shields up. I'll take those odds."

They moved towards the elevator, Shepard grabbing her cap on the way, and once inside punched the key for the command deck.

"Hang on a minute… you want me there so does that mean you think I'm your second-best sniper," Tash almost pouted, "I could beat Garrus on any terms."

Shepard laughed and didn't say anything; sniper's egos seemed to be so fragile. After all anyone who had been paying attention knew she was the best sniper on or off the Normandy.

 **Two days later, shuttle pad, Citadel**

Shepard did a final check on her comms as she walked to one of the Citadel taxi shuttles.

"Tash are you in position."

"Yeah, and your friend is already waiting. Shuttle off to the side with all the doors open. And your guest is standing in the middle of the gantry pretty close to the edge."

"Ok, just firing up the shuttle now."

"For the record and one last time I really, really don't like this. And if anything happens to you I'm going to deny any knowledge and blame it all on EDI, sorry EDI but I really don't want to be on the receiving end of Liara's rage."

"Apology accepted Tash. For the record I am… uncomfortable with the situation also."

"Wow EDI uncomfortable, that's a new one, I'll let Joker know you may need some TLC."

"If the two of you have finished chatting I'm about to land. I've checked the other shuttle and I can't see anyone or anything in it."

"Copy that boss; I have my cross hairs trained between their shoulder blades. One false move and they're toast."

Shepard settled the shuttle down close to the lone figure, switched off the power and stepped out.

She walked slowly towards the human who was a little shorter than she was. Well built from what she could see through the leather jacket and loose hoody. They wore a baseball cap pulled low over their eyes, the hood up over it and a scarf covering the lower half of their face.

"You may want to switch off your recording device and comms until you decide what you want to do with me."

Shepard stood stock still her heart rate increasing, hand reflectively going for the pistol on her hip. That voice. She knew that voice. When the stranger looked up and pulled down the scarf her breath caught in her throat as she looked into her own face.


	10. Chapter 10

**Service gantry, high above the Presidium, the Citadel**

Shepard pulled out her pistol and didn't move any closer to the human who stood a few feet away. In her ear she heard Tash, "what's going on, do you want me to clip them."

"No, just stay ready."

Her double raised her arms out to the side and spoke softly, "if you let me tell you how I, what I am then you can decide what to do with me. I'm afraid my survival instinct is too strong to take my own life," she took what looked to be a steadying breath before continuing, "but if you decide I need to be removed I've found some peace with that."

"Talk and make it fast," Shepard kept the gun aimed in the other humans direction.

"Short version, I woke up in a tank a little over two months ago. Well not fully awake just became aware, it's hard to describe. But whoever was controlling the tank was pumping in a shit ton of propaganda… like they were trying to re-write what I believe or think rather than change too much underneath. If that makes sense? It was the usual Earth first, our destiny is to lead, Aliens bad type stuff."

Shepard just nodded and encouraged the women to go on, she still had her arms out to the side away from her body and was still close to the edge of the platform.

"So, when they completed whatever process I'd been under," she shrugged and a trace of sadness played around her eyes, "or maybe finished growing me they opened the tank and I… well… I was born.

"For a short time, I believed the story they told me. I was the real Commander Shepard who'd been found, healed and stored while a clone was living my life. They showed me pictures of you and… Liara," she went to rub the back of her neck and stopped but Shepard noticed gesture, "And I have to tell you I was pretty mad. They carried on talking the shit that had been pumped into my tank which felt off if these were the guys who didn't want a Cerberus clone running around as Shepard.

"I also didn't have access to anything outside the station we were in. They tried to spin some tale about them being Alliance Intelligence but that didn't ring true either. So, I went along with it. Until I didn't.

"I have the security vid recordings from a little before they took me from the tank to when I took them down and blew the shit out of the place. Do you want me to send them to EDI for verification and so you can watch them?"

"You got anything to drink in that shuttle, looks like you've been living in it," Shepard holstered her weapon as she asked.

The other women gave a small smile and lowered her arms, "I've got some asari brandy."

Shepard keyed up her connection to her overwatch, "Stand down Tash, it's all good here," she switched off her comms and followed her double to the smaller of the two shuttles.

Once inside Shepard sat opposite and watched while the clone brought out a bottle a glass and a cup.

"Send the vid files to EDI," she activated the scanner on her omni-tool and ran the orange light over the other women's body."

"EDI run the scan for genetic matches, age and anything else you can think of. And analyse the vid please," her ship's AI confirmed receipt and that she would work on them immediately.

She accepted the glass being offered and studied the other Shepard more intently. With cap and jacket removed she could see this version of herself had no tattoo's, no scars, was about four inches shorter and although muscular and lean it wasn't the enhanced body that she had emerged with after coming back from the dead.

"You'll find some residue of a DNA masking chemical, I had to use it to get through Citadel security without spiking any alarms."

Shepard heard EDI's voice in her ear, "this does seem to be a very high-quality clone of you Shepard. I am not aware of any technology available that could create such a complete copy. Of course, the body is only one element, I would like to carry out a full brain scan on the Normandy and compare it with yours."

"Copy that EDI." Shepard turned her focus back to the other women, "so how did you get away."

"I watched, waited, pretended to go along with them. The leader was an Earth born women. She seemed to know her way around Alliance Intelligence enough to hack a few systems, had a few ears on the inside. She was clever, had the plan all mapped out… ambush you on the Citadel. Swap us over, take the Normandy," the clone finished the brandy she'd been holding in one and topped up her cup. She offered the bottle to Shepard who declined.

"Problem was I needed surgery, for implants. My height was off and of course, scars," she raised her cup in Shepard's direction in toast and threw back her drink in one again. "Why did you keep them?"

The question took Shepard by surprise but she had no problem sharing the truth, "my captors took the decision for me. They wanted me to feel as at home in my new, improved, body as possible. They replaced all my ink as well."

Shepard was trying to get a sense of this person, this copy of her. Could she be trusted, or had she been corrupted by Cerberus. At the back of her mind she also worried that it was she that was the copy not this other version of herself.

"What name do you use."

"I've used a few different identities, mostly stolen from the group that woke me. But if you're asking what I call myself… well… that was much more problematic," she smiled but it was rueful and sad.

"Anyway, they were still trying to find someone they could trust to do the surgical bit and hone their plan. They sort of got used to me just working out and asking if I could help. They got sloppy, I only needed one chance. I tried to keep Brooks alive but she didn't go down easy. They were a tough crowd, ex Alliance, disgraced but still pretty well trained."

"Why didn't you want to take your life back," it was not a straightforward question but Shepard felt she needed to move the conversation and begin to test the clones' motivation.

They looked at each other and there was silence for more than a few moments before the other human spoke.

"I did… I still do… but it's not my life. No matter how much I screamed and raged and cried, I kept coming back to the same truth. I was a copy and you were, are, the original. For a while there I was pretty crazy after I'd killed the people who brought me into a world where I didn't exist. Where there was no place for me, where my place was already taken.

"And despite the knowledge that I'd been created in some sick process I still felt like me, was me… I know that won't make any sense to you," she reached for the bottle again then stopped.

"I spent a lot of time thinking before I blew that place to hell. I had to dig deep for the strength to accept my situation even if it made no emotional sense to me. So, I leaned on the moral compass that… well that my memories of your parents had instilled in me."

"So how far back do your memories go," Shepard finally threw back her own brandy and proffered her glass for a refill.

"I think my earliest memory is sitting in my mother's lap in the cockpit of a ship, watching the light waves play across the hull," there were tears in her eyes and she looked directly at Shepard, "did you get all the bastards that killed her."

Then Shepard sensed it, in that strange way that had been happening to her since the Normandy had been blown out from under her. This woman was no threat, there was no malice just pain and confusion. And a sense of connection, of knowing. She really hoped this shit was real and not some kind of delusion because she was going to lean on it hard.

"Yeah I got them. Made them pay, but the puppet master for all this shit is Harper. And I intend to end that bastard myself. Have you got a place to stay here?"

"No, I only just arrived this morning and I figured I might as well get this over. If it went a different way I wouldn't need a room for the night," she smiled then and Shepard caught a glimpse of who she used to be. Younger maybe? Less compromised perhaps.

"Here are the coordinates to my place. Follow me there and we'll get some food, you look like you haven't had a decent meal in…"

"A lifetime," the other woman dead panned.

Shepard smiled back and moved to her own shuttle wondering if she'd made the right decision, to trust this other self. And she knew exactly who would be able to know at a touch which of them was real. Fear clouded her mind for a moment then the spark of an idea, a new plan to make sure Liara and her children survived the darkness that was coming.

 **A little later, Shepard** **'s apartment, Tiberius Tower, Silversun Strip**

"This place is nice," the clone walked into the two-floor apartment behind Shepard carrying only a small back pack.

"Yeah, Anderson sort of gave it to me after the apartment on Illium was destroyed. He never wants to come back to work on the Citadel, he hated the politics. There's a bedroom, bathroom and a gym along there," she indicated a corridor off to the right behind the kitchen.

"Thanks, could I take a shower… it's been a while. I grabbed some new clothes on the way up here."

"Sure, I'll order in some food."

 **A little later**

When clone Shepard walked through the kitchen the smell of her favorite colony take-away assailed her senses. The yellow grains had a spicy, nutty taste and almost melted before you could get the thick, rich Kanasha sauce onto them. A dish that always reminded her of the first ship she had lived on with her parents.

Then she remembered, not her parents, not her memory.

"Why the frown. You had to guess if this was available I'd order it," Shepard was standing at the end of the central island in the kitchen dishing the food onto her plate.

"Hell yeah, never not order Kanasha. I just have to pull myself up when I… well the memories aren't mine," she also piled her plate high and followed Shepard through to the large seating area.

"Ok let's get a couple of things squared away," Shepard said offering her clone a bottle of beer across the small coffee table between them. "you didn't ask for this and the evidence of your brain imprint shows it's a duplicate of mine and without any tampering," Shepard noted the questioning look, "yeah EDI compared the results."

Before her shower the clone had gone into the small medbay just off the gym and EDI carried out the process remotely.

"You are, for all intents and purposes, essentially me before the Normandy blew up. Before I had to have massive areas of my body replaced and Cerberus decided to upgrade me as much as possible. What you don't have are all my past injuries which makes sense as you were… grown new from my DNA. Though you still have all your Alliance genetically engineered stamina, strength and resilience to harsh conditions."

"I think I may have to work out a bit harder to keep my body in shape. The muscle regen doesn't seem to happen as quickly as before," the clone said taking a swig of beer.

"There probably will be some differences so I'd suggest EDI keeps an eye on your physicals. And… you need a name. I can't keep thinking of you as clone me. You are an individual in your own right, fucking crazy as this situation is."

"Would you be ok if I used Vega, it was the name…" she trailed off and looked at the beer in her hands.

"Mum chose… yeah of course," Shepard again sensed the loss and grief from her counterpart.

Vega just nodded her head and took another swig.

"Twice the badass, we will be unstoppable," Shepard mused.

But Vega spoke with such authority Shepard thought she was hearing a recording of herself, "no Shepard, you absolutely cannot allow me to become public knowledge. Apart from the fact I break about hundred Citadel and Human laws and could be seen as an illegal entity; it would start a whole panic about how many of you are out there, which one is the real Shepard, does Cerberus control all of us. You are the only Commander Shepard there is and it has to stay that way."

Shepard let the scenario play out in her mind and thinking it through could see it would be a mess for her to acknowledge her clone.

"Yeah you're right. So, the fact you're my clone stays secret but I don't want you to have to hide either."

"Well I'm not sure anyone who doesn't know you personally would necessarily see our resemblance. DNA scanners won't be fooled and I'd appreciate maybe some help with a longer-term solution than the temporary chemicals I've been using."

They had started eating and both women had leaned back in their seats and put their feet up on the coffee table between them.

"Pretty sure EDI can come up with something, I'd rather not get too many others involved at this stage," Shepard said in between forkfuls of food.

"And as for longer term identity, I wondered if you'd be ok with me passing as one of our many distant cousins on Mum's side of the family," Vega shook her head and sat up straight, "sorry I know its not my family and that she isn't, wasn't…"

Shepard interrupted the other human, "how about you stop trying to edit yourself all the time and we just accept that you're some kind of weird, previously unknown, younger sister."

Vega smiled, "younger."

"Fuck yeah, I've got over years on you after the Normandy."

"Thank you," Vega's tone was serious and Shepard gave her a questioning look, "for this, it feels almost normal, weird as fuck, but the most normal since I woke up."

"What makes you so certain you're the copy," Shepard knew she would have to confront Miranda about this but she somehow trusted her other self enough to give weight to the answer.

"The nightmares… you still get them?"

"Yeah, and they've gotten worse, sometimes they edge in even when I'm awake."

"I haven't had one since they brought me out of the tank. Took me a while to realise that but when I did I knew I was either a copy or they'd messed with my head so I couldn't trust myself even if I was me."

There was silence in the room for a long time as they finished their food and sat with their own thoughts.

 **Early next morning, Shepard** **'s apartment**

Shepard smelt the food as she walked down the stairs and towards the kitchen. Vega was just dishing up a typical Alliance Navy Earth breakfast.

"You have no idea how long I've craved an unhealthy, fat filled, carb loaded, old fashioned mess hall fry up."

"Fuck that smells great, and coffee. You can stay."

They sat at the kitchen island counter and ate in silence until Shepard spoke.

"EDI finished setting you up with a new ID complete with a credit account. I've transferred a decent amount of credits, and the account will get topped up automatically. There's a supply of armour, weapons, equipment in an attack shuttle waiting at a private dock. You should have the details of all that on you omni-tool shortly."

Vega stared at her doppelganger, "that's pretty efficient and generous."

Shepard just shrugged, "I have more credits than I need and Spectre supplies are just a request ticket and a signature."

"You didn't have to go to the trouble though."

"You keep forgetting you're my kid sister," Shepard said with a shit eating grin, "think I'm going to enjoy having someone to boss around."

"In your dreams Shepard," she laughed, "any luck with the DNA thing? It's not so much having my own imprint just not triggering yours is the issue."

"EDI do you want to tell Vega what you came up with."

EDI's voice sounded over the area comms in the apartment, "I have sourced a long acting DNA adjusting genetic programme. It will be effective for up to a year and the applicator is waiting on your shuttle. Just inject it and it will mask a few elements of your current DNA, enough to make it a familial match for the Skorsgaard clan but not identical to Shepard."

"Thank you, EDI, good job."

"Thank you, Vega Larson."

Both women stood and Shepard moved to stand in front of the younger looking version of herself, "you'll let me know when you have news of John or Harper's location?"

They had gone over what Vega had been doing and how far she had infiltrated the outer edges of the Cerberus network. And the next steps in her plan to find baby John and bring him home.

"Yeah and don't worry if I go dark. It'll be a good sign, means I've made it back on the inside."

Shepard moved forward and her actions were mirrored by Vega as they shared a warrior arm clasp.

"Goddess speed," Shepard said then moved to the exit.

"I will find him or die trying."

And with a short nod Shepard left.

Vega grabbed a coffee refill, picked up a data pad and searched for images of Liara T'Soni.

Looking through the most recent photographs and vids of Liara in her increasingly pregnant state tears blurred her vision.

"I will always love you Liara T'Soni and I'll show that be making sure you have your son back. And I'll do everything in my power, to my last breath, to keep you safe and make sure Shepard always comes back to you."

The reception she had received from Shepard was more than she could have hoped for and she wouldn't let her down. It helped both psychologically and emotionally to think of herself as family to Shepard. And that she was who her memories and personality made her but that her path now was different.

Her own story, her own life started when she woke from that tank and she'd make sure that the forces that created her would regret that decision. Because she was every bit as committed as Shepard to ending Jack Harper and his organisation of crazy fucks.

She stood, pulling on her leather jacket and picking up her rucksack, then made her way to the front door.

"Thank you for all your help EDI, take care of them."

"You are welcome Vega, good luck."

With a smile and a nod Vega Larson left the apartment and headed for the docks.


	11. Chapter 11

**T** **'Soni private estate, Thrassican Republic, Thessia**

Liara was pacing slowly back and forth on the stone terrace that ran almost the length of the back of her private residence. Her personal aides were walking too but careful not to crowd her as she had already yelled at them to go away twice that morning. But they knew it was her discomfort and fear that had made her snap at everyone in her inner circle the last few days.

The trauma from Shepard's loss on her body and in her mind physiologically altered her so that she had all the abilities of her species matron stage; but she was still young in experience. She was under a hundred and twenty years old, barely even a maiden. As such she had certainly been able to become pregnant but hadn't had the years of conditioning and mental preparation to give birth.

"I am not arguing with you any further, make the arrangements and begin to move the equipment to the mountains now or by my oath to the Goddess I will banish you to some rock in the Terminus system," Liara ended the call without waiting to hear the response.

"Lady Liara," a voice called from a door behind her that led into the main hall of the house.

"What now," she snapped and her tone was as brittle as ice and she spun around to confront whoever had come to annoy her.

"We have word that Captain Shepard's shuttle is only a few minutes out," as soon as the young commando had delivered the message she disappeared back into the house.

Liara felt a small rush of relief but that didn't do anything to quell the fear and anguish which was manifesting itself in anger, abruptness and a propensity to ban people from her presence.

She began her laborious journey through the house to the front entrance to await her bondmate, both hands around her belly, anger rising to match her stress.

* * *

 **Incoming shuttle, two klicks out from the T** **'Soni private estate, Thessia**

Shepard sat opposite Tash and Liselle, who was recounting another story about Liara's deteriorating mood and behaviour over the last week.

"So, at that point she threw the data pad at Matriarch T'Joan and ordered her guard Captain to keep everyone away from her until further notice."

Shepard groaned and wondered, not for the first time, how she was going to handle her seemingly out of control bondmate.

High Priestess El'Estrene had contacted her two weeks ago warning her of Liara's condition. It didn't help knowing this was common in the last lunar cycle before giving birth; that the changes were connected to the birthing hormones; or that it ensured the soon to be mother kept herself alert and ready for an attack at her most vulnerable point. It was an evolutionary throwback no longer needed given most Asari gave birth in very safe, prepared spaces, and almost always on Thessia. And none of that had given her any idea how to deal with it when she landed.

It also didn't help her anxiety when El'Estrene had called her a few days ago to say Liara we exhibiting the most extreme form of birthing rage which again was perfectly understandable given her extreme youth. And that she had now banned everyone, including El'Estrene herself, from even contacting her. Liara was one moment in full denial about needing to give birth and at other times wanted the child ripped out of her.

"All of this behaviour will pass, Shepard, but she needs to take instruction on how to begin the process. And she needs to be calm, which we can achieve with a birthing meld, but…" El'Estrene had left Shepard to work out the rest. When they concluded their conversation, she was in no doubt about her job when she got to Thessia.

She had to wrangle her bondmate and get her to the temple. And persuade her to give herself over to the help she obviously needed.

Shepard brought her mind back to the conversation where Liselle was now regaling them both with stories about just how bad birth rage could get and anyone hapless enough to get in its line of fire.

Once the shuttle had settled she jumped onto the grass and started trotting towards Liara who was waiting at the top of the steps.

"I do not want to see people," Liara said indicating Liselle and Tash who were walking very slowly, "and where have you been… you should have been here a month ago… you stopped at the Citadel, did you think I would not find out… did you see her, were you with her," her bondmate had become more and more agitated as she spoke.

Once Shepard was close enough she reached out to touch the side of her lovers' face but Liara shrugged her off and started shouting again, "where have you been, why did you let me do this… I must have still been mad to think this was a good idea…"

"OhKay," Shepard drew out the word and then continued in what she hoped was a soothing tone, "that isn't people, that's your sister, and I wasn't with anyone on the Citadel."

But as that wasn't entirely the truth Shepard realised to late her bondmate would probably catch the lie, and she did.

"How dare you lie to me… did Sha'ira give you what you needed… am I not enough for you now… I do not want anyone here tell them to go… you can go as well I do not want you here."

Liara was shouting now with a wild look in her eyes both hands clutching her hugely swollen belly the air around her beginning to crackle with energy. She looked to Shepard as if her next step was going to be physically pushing everyone away from her. And she wondered briefly how had Sha'ira get into the conversation.

Shepard squared her shoulders and from her full height held Liara's glare, "Liara T'Soni that is enough, we are going into the house to sort this out… now," she used her outside command voice hoping it would break through the young Asari's red mist.

To Shepard's surprise and relief, Liara seemed to sag a little and despite the continued look of anger she turned and walked into the house without a word.

Before following her bondmate in Shepard looked back at Liselle and Tash who were both at the bottom of the steps. She indicated they should follow her but they both gave her big grins and shook their heads. Tash went as far to give her thumbs up while mouthing good luck.

With a deep breath she went to find her raging bondmate.

* * *

 **Large living room, T** **'Soni private residence**

When Shepard entered the room, she closed the door behind her and looked across to where Liara was standing in front of a sideboard pouring herself a drink.

"Should you be drinking."

Liara turned more quickly than Shepard thought it possible in her current condition and only just dodged the glass that had been aimed at her head.

"Do not think you can walk back in here when it suits you and start telling me what to do…"

"I didn't mean it like…"

"You knew I needed you with me… and you could not even come straight home," this time Liara picked up a bottle and threw it in Shepard's direction.

"I'm really sorry… I should have…"

"Yes, Shepard, you should," Liara was shouting again, her face flushed and tears rolling down her cheeks, "am I not attractive now, do you need to seek other Asari instead of coming home."

Shepard had no idea where all this was coming from and decided to risk moving closer but watching for incoming missiles as she did.

"Hey honey, you know I love you and you're the only one for me," she was a few feet away when Liara picked up another bottle, "just tell me what's going on, come on we're a team we can do this."

"We… there is no we," Liara was shaking now, her eyes wide, still holding the bottle, "I do not know how to get this… this thing out of me… why did you let me do this… bring a daughter into a world that is ending… I feel as if I will explode…"

Shepard had a thought and before she could stop herself it just came out, "hey come on beautiful, the only thing to be worried about is if you've got a Reaper in there," the look on Liara's face made her worry that going for humour might not have been the best idea.

She fought the grin that was trying to pull up the corners of her mouth knowing this could all end really, really badly.

Then Liara's mouth opened in a silent 'oh', "that terrible film you made me watch, you called it one of Earth's great science films."

Shepard couldn't hold the grin back and her shoulder's rocked with silent laughing, "well science fiction but yeah."

"Are you calling our daughter an alien," Liara's tone was much more like her usual self and her eyes were brighter.

"Never, we're the aliens, you were here first," Shepard closed the distance between them and pulled Liara into her arms, expertly taking the bottle and placing on the table behind them.

"I am scared."

"I know baby, but everything's going to be OK. Shall we let Lady Nara come in and do her stuff… you know get things started," Shepard had guided them to the sofa and they sat down, she still held her bondmate close.

"I am so sorry… I have been awful to everyone," Liara was softly sobbing into the side of her neck and so she just held her quietly making soothing noises.

"My fault, I've been away too long… back now… we're a team baby… it's all going to be fine."

* * *

 **Dining room, T'Soni private residence**

"How do you think it's going," Tash finished the last forkful of food from a much welcome meal that had been waiting for them when they arrived.

"I'd have preferred to face down a thresher maw," Liselle laughed and beamed a grin at her.

"Yeah I wouldn't want to face you as pissed as that. Although I'll be long gone by the time you're ready. Aw shit, Leece, I'm sorry, me and my big mouth." She realised what she'd said too late and her last words were both sad and apologetic.

Liselle reached a hand over the table for one of hers and she welcomed the warmth and connection.

"I can think of plenty of ways for us to have a kid if that's what you want," Liselle spoke in a playful tone to match her wide grin, "and I think you'd look great pregnant."

"Hell no… maybe… you're not being serious, are you?" She was glad not to have spoiled the mood by her crass remark knowing only too well Liselle would never be able to have a child the Asari way.

Before they could continue their teasing Shepard came and sat at their table looking exhausted and a little the worse for wear.

"Is there still food, I'm starving."

"How did it go boss," Tash couldn't keep the smile off her face, "she's certainly her father's daughter."

"Hey that's my sister you're talking about, but you make a solid argument."

"Little respect for my very pregnant about to explode bondmate please," Shepard sighed and continued with a smile, "she's with Lady Nara and they're doing the birthing meditation now, so buckle up we're in for a long night."

Tash could see how tired and worried her cousin was. She could also see and hear the wonder and excitement, and love. She wondered what it would be like if it was Liselle who was about to give birth to their daughter and looked across at her, now, secret bondmate.

She thought her heart would explode with the feelings she had for the young asari commando across the table. The thought that it was she who had taken away Liselles' ability to have a child, had caused her all that pain, that her lover had almost died surged through her for a moment.

Liselle must have noticed something because she squeezed her hand and gave her a questioning look. She responded with an assuring smile and pushed away the negative past and drank in the moment.

"By the time I've finished eating they should be ready and we'll take a shuttle over to the temple."

"So, she's going for a temple pool birth, nice and traditional," Liselle nodded.

"We… as in you and Liara?"

"All of us babe that's why we're here, it's the best part."

"But in a different room, not actually…"

"If she's going to the temple then she's going for a traditional Asari birth ceremony. Which means blood relatives, close family and friends get to be with her and at the moment of the birth. If you get an invite it's pretty special if you're not Asari."

Tash looked at her lover and wondered why everyone was acting so normal about being invited to watch someone give birth. She'd only see extranet vids of live birthing, which was not as common as it once was, and it looked painful.

"Looking a bit pale over there mate," Shepard laughed even as she was eating her food.

"It's… I've never been… do we have to do anything."

This was greeted with laughter from both Liselle and Shepard and once again she had a rush of love and realised how much this felt like she was finally home.

* * *

 **T'Soni family temple, T'Soni private estate, Thessia**

When Shepard had finished grabbing some food she returned to Liara who was much calmer and more like her usual self. Her bondmate was still scared, as she was herself, but the rage had gone.

They travelled in a shuttle and Liara made no objection to her sister and Tash joining them for the short flight. They travelled in silence, Liara leaning into Shepard's arms throughout.

Once at the temple she accompanied Liara and her circle of priestesses led by Lady Nara to a part of the Temple buildings she had never been. They walked along a corridor whose walls were smooth cream tinted, warm stone, their way lit by the soft white light emanating from the wall itself.

The sound of singing drifted towards them, the same ethereal voices from the choir at their naming ceremony when Liara had taken her place as the leader of the Thrassican Republic and the T'Soni family. Once again, she was drawn in and could almost see the colour and taste of the sounds, a feeling of complete peace and safety flowed through her mind. She felt Liara relax her grip on her forearm and turning to look at her bondmate was met with a calm smile that warmed her heart.

The light seemed to shift and Shepard's eyes were immediately drawn to the end of the corridor, which was now sloping downwards. Towards the end of the corridor the walls had been transformed with blue light dancing and drifting in waves.

If she didn't know any better she would have thought they were in a glass tunnel underwater. Through wide open doors ahead she could see a circle of water fifteen or twenty feet across and the whole of the chamber had the same light effect on the walls and its high ceiling.

Just before entering the main birthing temple they stepped into an ante room and she nodded to Liselle and Tash who continued into the main room.

"How you doing," she almost whispered to her lover their arms still linked.

"Much better my love."

"Now we will strip off your clothes Lady Liara ready to enter the pool. Captain will you be joining your bondmate," Lady Nara said her voice calm and matter of fact which was reassuring as hell to Shepard.

"Yes, but…"

"You will of course keep on whatever clothing you wish," Nara said with a knowing smile. Shepard wondered if she'd ever throw off her species strange reluctance to get naked in front of strangers.

Once Liara was undressed the six priestesses began to massage her all over with oil. Shepard stood back a little with Lady Nara and took in the sight of her beautiful, strong and vulnerable bondmate and thought her heart might burst with love.

Liara's eyes were closed while she was being massaged, then they opened and looked straight into her own, all the way into her feeble human soul, and she felt their connection deep in her mind.

"You are ready Zandee'Abhiti," Lady Nara said and she led them into the main chamber.

Shepard had stripped down to shorts and a vest; Liara reached for her hand as they walked side by side her attending priestess's behind them.

The singing in the chamber changed a little. To Shepard's ears individual voices were standing out but she couldn't follow the ancient Asari tongue enough to understand the words; yet somewhere in her mind or her soul she felt their meaning.

They walked down steps cut in the side of what Shepard now realized was a tidal pool. As they reached the final step Liara let go her hand and dove under the surface. She launched out from the side and began to tread water as the six priestesses', who had joined them in the pool, followed her bondmate down.

Lady Nara, standing at the edge of the pool, started some kind of prayer which wove its way in and out of the continued singing.

Then Liara broke the surface and swam towards her and initiated a meld. Through the connection Shepard felt her lover's trepidation and a little fear still remained. But there was also excitement, joy and she could feel their daughter.

A sense of awe and wonder rose in her and Shepard kissed her bondmate and held her close. As they continued their long love filled, tender kiss, Liara pulled them both under the water.

When they broke apart she felt the edges of the pain and discomfort and could sense, almost feel, the baby was close. They both headed for the surface for another lungful of air and dropped again this time circled by the other Asari in the pool.

She sent love and support through the meld and rising to the surface once again she held her bondmate from behind against her chest as Liara gasped and cried out and with one final push their daughter was born into the sea that had given birth to the Asari.

Liara reached down under the water for her daughter and raised the tiny body to her breast. With the help of Shepard and the priestess's they made their way back to the steps. Shepard could feel through the remnants of the join how weak and shaky her bondmate was but only followed her up the steps, ready in case she was needed, but giving no assistance.

Lady Liara needed to walk out of the pool with her daughter on her own, a powerful Asari carrying the next in line to one of the first one hundred families of Thessia. Warm towel robes were placed around their shoulders and she watched as Liara handed their daughter to Lady Nara who applied oils and sang a welcome prayer.

Once back in Liara's arms Shepard drew close and had her first real look at her daughter who seemed to be contentedly sucking on her fingers. Her heart almost stopped looking at the tiny blue baby, a little bigger than a human at birth, but still all wrinkled and eyes tight shut.

"Your daughter, Shepard," Liara's voice was soft as she offered the small, new being towards her.

"Hey little one," Shepard felt tears welling up and couldn't hold them back. Feeling Liara's arms around her in a circle of love and protection their daughter between them she didn't know if she would ever stop crying with relief, joy, sadness she couldn't pick one emotion out of the storm that was pounding her soul.

She noticed the singing had changed again and was much softer now. She let Liara guide her still holding their daughter out of the birthing temple and back to the ante room where they could sit and be alone for as long as they needed. Shepard wondered if they could just stay here like this for the rest of their lives, in this moment, their dark future frozen in time.

* * *

 **Cerberus research station, Attican Traverse**

Vega moved quietly, purposefully, inconspicuously along the corridors of the research station. She had been here before; her last stop before meeting Shepard on the Citadel.

She let her mind go back to her last visit and make sure she hadn't missed anything.

It had been the next location on her list and it had been a recon mission to prepare for its take-down. And, as always, to search for any mention or record of where John Shepard was being held.

Then as now she was posing as a medical engineering tech which just might get her into the right rooms. There was no doubt Cerberus was going to use John in one of their sick Reaper tech programmes. Most probably tying to secure Asari traits for their super soldiers.

Her cover was solid. After all she had access to all the information and resources of one of Cerberus's own top-ranking operatives. She wondered occasionally how long it would take for someone to realise their operative and her team were missing. But Brookes had been a self-determining, deliberatively off book agent; so, it could be years.

She remembered her surprise when walking into a small control room she had stumbled into the end of a conversation between two Cerberus scientists.

"But the Illusive Man said nothing too invasive or permanent until he can get here," the older of the two men said who had a whiny tone to his voice.

"That won't be for another month at least and we need more stem cells now," the second one was pasty and thin, and when he flashed a look at her his eyes were burning bright.

She excused herself but not before looking through the glass into a sterile room full of equipment and monitors. Technicians in white suits and face masks were taking readings or adjusting machines. And in the middle was a small child, strapped onto a table much too big for him, multiple tubes in and out of his small body.

The rage she felt in that moment was coursing through her body again. She had and still did want to kill everyone in the facility, by hand, and take her son to safety. Her son? Her feelings told her he was, but that was a complicated set of conflicting emotions she would deal with later.

Remembering back to being in that room pretending to check the ports cut into the tiny body and being caught by a piercing set of blue eyes that reminded her immediately of Liara. Then she felt the child trying to reach her, reaching out with a rough and ragged weak meld. But it was a connection and through it she could feel his fear and confusion and pain.

She leaned in close and pulled down her white mask and held his eyes sending as much reassurance and love as she could through the meld while she whispered, "stay strong kiddo, I'll be back for you, we love you." She just let her lips brush a kiss to his forehead her action shrouded by her body and hands pretending to adjust a port on the side of his head.

He closed his eyes, a few tears escaped from under his black lashes. She left as quickly as she could. If she let her rage and vengeance take her over she would kill some of them, maybe a lot of them. But without proper planning and an escape she would die and her son would still be in the hands of these torturers.

So, she had started planning. If things had gone badly with Shepard she had a pre-programmed message that would be sent with all the details of where John was and her plan to get him out.

Why she didn't just hand over the information on the Citadel was still not clear to her. Something was driving her to do this. This one real thing that was hers, not the other women's deeds and memories, but her own decision and action.

And although it made no logical sense to her at all, she wanted to be the one to rescue Liara's son and return him. Her own gift to the women she loved more than life itself, who meant everything to her, and who she would never hold again.

Shaking off the thoughts Vega arrived at her destination. She had been on the station for almost a week. Although not back to that room as she didn't think she could trust herself not to do something crazy.

Her team, recruited from the across Council space, were human security contractors and on another day might more accurately be described as mercs. But she'd made sure she recruited professional ex-soldiers who did jobs for pay and not politics or because they got their jollies from hurting people.

And she was paying them all small fortunes in credits, half in advance the rest on success, and insurance for those who had families or commitments in case they didn't make it. They all knew the risks.

She had three inside and four more ready to drop in with their ride and protect the exfil. They had been busy since their arrival. Watching the security and work shift patterns and setting explosive charges in key areas to both aid their escape and to erase the base and everyone in it once they had made their escape.

It was the middle of the night and hours before there would be another shift change. Two of her team had fallen into step with her as they walked along the corridor and one of them passed her a weapons belt with a pistol and grenades the other passed her an assault rifle.

They walked past the empty and dark control room and stopping at the door to John's room they were surprised when it opened and the thin scientist, who headed up her son's research team, almost walked into them.

"What are you doing….," but before he could finish his words she had him around the neck and walked him backwards into the room.

She was choking him so hard he couldn't make a sound and his arms flailed around as if out of his control.

"Get him disconnected from everything and ready to move," she motioned with her head to the medic in her team who started carefully working on the various tubes and lines.

The other merc went back to the door after closing the blinds on the control room window.

Backing her prey against a work bench her eyes never leaving his she released her grip just a little so her could respond to her and she spoke with their faces almost touching, "what have you done to him you fucking turd."

"I… can't… breath… who," she tightened her hold again and his eyes popped as he gargled.

Again, she loosened her hands slightly, "I said what the fuck have you done to my son you miserable piece of shit?"

"You… Shepard…," but before she finished squeezing him tight again he continued, "it's… in log… my log… over there… no pain… haven't hurt…"

She looked where he had indicated to what looked like the rooms main console and turned her attention back to him, "say goodbye fucker." She didn't bother choking him to death, with one swift twist she broke his neck.

"Get everything from that console," she spoke to the merc at the door then turned to the burly medic who had finished disconnecting everything from the child.

"Can't take the ports out and you're going to need a good surgeon for the one in the kids' head," his voice was soft and when she looked at him she saw his disgust. These were ex Alliance soldiers and they'd all left honourably. She was glad she'd gone for the best despite worrying that they might recognise her.

"Understood, you carry him," and as she turned her other team member stepped away from the console and handed her a data tab. She nodded and then broke comms silence for the first time and knew the clock would start ticking from this point. If the station guards were doing their job of course.

"This is alpha we are go for extraction," then she moved into the corridor the medic carrying John behind her, the other merc covering their rear.

Her third team member would keep eyes on the main guard station while she headed for a service entrance. Her nerves were on edge, ears straining at every sound, heart pumping, her breathing shallow. But the only noise was the squeak of their boots on the polished floor. Once they reached the service area full of massive recycle bins and burner stations she hacked the exit doors.

Surely at this point they would trip security, but when the door clicked open nothing happened. She was a good hacker and made sure to keep the contact alarm system connected but it seemed they were going to get away without a fight.

A part of her really, really wanted a fight, "this is alpha converge position xray, repeat converge position xray."

That command would summon her scout to join them and their escape shuttle to drop into their landing zone. The door was open, it was almost pitch-black outside and deathly quiet. Her third team member joined them and she led them out of the building.

They were a few yards away from the building when sirens started raging and security lights splashed the ground around the facility with bright light.

"Move," she shouted and waved her team to run towards the now landing shuttle. She kept her eyes on the building, her rifle up, scanning the top of the building. The Cerberus guards came bursting through the service door they had cleared only a few moments before.

She knelt and fired continuously into the clump of soldiers emerging and despite their armour four of them dropped immediately. Holding her rifle tight to her shoulder while still firing she used her other hand to reach for a frag grenade and threw it hard at the area in front of the door.

The plumes of dirt and blood and body parts obscured her view but she kept firing.

"All secure on the shuttle," the message from the pilot came over her suit comms.

The heavy gun on the shuttle was now raking the side of the building shattering windows and tearing huge chunks of metal and cladding out of the structure.

She stood and took out the lights in the area before turning to sprint to the shuttle hovering over the brush a minute away. As she ran she pulled up the interface on omni tool as heavy weapons started to strafe the ground around her feet and ping off the barriers she was generating.

Stopping suddenly and turning she hit a code sequence on the tool and a split second later the whole facility rocked with a series of explosions that seemed to tear its walls to pieces. She made it to the shuttle before setting off the second sequence which erupted from the very heart of the already burning building and its blast rocked them a little.

The fireball that chased across the ground would guarantee no one had a chance to get out and survive.

"Now that's what I can blowing the shit out of something," the medic said with a smile in his voice.

She looked around and saw smile and nods from the rest of her team and for the first time allowed herself to breathe easy and enjoy the moment.

It felt good to be in combat. Testing herself, to find out if she was a merely a pale copy or the real thing. Well not the real thing. But that she was who she thought she was. Could actually do what she remembered.

Would it always feel so fucked up she wondered, me but not me? Then she caught sight of John, his eyes were open and the medic was tending to the wounds some of the intravenous lines had caused.

He reached his pale thin arms out for her and she moved to the cot and she picked him up holding him close. Feeling his hands grab onto her clothing, burying his face in her neck.

* * *

They travelled back to the space station in the Terminus system where they had started their mission. She paid off her team giving them the shuttle that would get them back to Council space; transferring John to her own ship. The credits Shepard had given her had paid for a frigate that was ex merc so had decent, if a little old, defence and combat systems.

She tried to settle John in the med-bay and he wouldn't let go of her when she tried to put him onto a med-bed to check his vitals and for injuries. In the end she had kept him on her lap and let the scanner do its job on the both of them.

The port in the side of his head was concerning as was the one on his spine which seemed to be causing him pain. The rest of his injuries were cuts and bruises what they had done to him wouldn't be known until he had been checked out properly. She followed the instructions the medical VI gave her and applied medigel externally but didn't set up a saline drip knowing it would upset the child.

She had to give him an injection of medigel, specific pain relief and nanites but didn't want to cause him any more trauma than necessary so loaded up the infusion pump while he sat on her hip. Then they moved to the galley because she really needed to get his fluids up and he was malnourished.

Continuously talking to him and asking him questions about what he could remember from home and nothing about his time after being taken. She set about putting food together with him still clinging to her. Then explained she needed to give him good medicine to help with the pain and showed him how the infusion pump worked and suggested he help her by having him guide her hand to the side of his neck, which worked better than she thought it would.

Finally, she managed to coax him to sit next to her while he ate and she kept chatting to him. She showered him; put him in clothes she'd brought from the Citadel, and then put him to bed.

As she pulled the covers up his eyes welled up with tears.

"Hey buddy what's up."

"Mama."

She gave him a smile, "no I'm going to take you home to your mama. I'm Vega remember."

His lips puckered up and he looked as if he was going to start crying again.

"Vega not go?"

She brushed his hair off his face, "no I'll stay right here till you go to sleep, then I'm going to fly you home, safe."

His eyes closed but he was still holding her hand and only when his breathing settled and his grip had loosened did she lean in and kiss him on his forehead.

"Night little guy."

* * *

She'd been flying for about six hours when she heard screaming coming over the comms from John's bunk room.

Making it into this room in ten seconds flat from the bridge she found him sitting up in bed sobbing and screaming as tears rolled down his face.

"Hey, hey… I won't let anything happen to you… it's OK little man," as soon as she sat down on the bed he climbed into her arms.

He was calmer but still sobbing and a strong memory came back to her of being with her mother watching the light dance across the windows of a ship while sitting in her lap. So she carried him to the cockpit.

And that's where they both fell asleep a little while later; in the pilot seat with the ship on full auto heading for Thessia.


End file.
